Hiraeth

10.

10.
Waking up I get the feeling I'm not alone, and as I open my eyes and stare into a set of blue eyes, the events of last night surface, and I blush instantly. The fact that I was so blunt is beyond me, and I'm also quite surprised that I so willingly threw myself at Charlie even if my body was clearly on alert the whole time. Not that I don't want to be with him, but I think he's right, we need to take things slow to get to know each other better.
"Good morning," Charlie states with a smile.
"Good morning," I reply, smiling back.
"Why are you blushing?"
I huff, "It's silly."
"Em, you can tell me. I want you to be honest with me."
"I'm just a bit embarrassed about last night—the things I said, the things I did. I'm not sure came over me," I say, yarning as I sit up in bed.
"Don't be," he says.
Part of me wants to kiss him, but I'm not sure what we are and if that would even be okay. He just broke up with Bridget, and I don't expect him to jump into another relationship. Yet part of me does crave his touch.
I get out of his bed and head for the bathroom to pee only to come back, heading for my room rummaging. I'm trying to play it cool, but I'm not sure how to act around Charlie any longer.
God, why did we have to make it weird between us?
"What are you doing?" Charlie asks, looking very comfortable on my bed with his arms resting behind his head as he observes me, which is making me even more self-conscious.
"I'm taking a shower," I say, and he gets out of bed and walks over to me.
"You all right?"
I nod, "yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"You keep blushing, and you seem all nervous. Do you regret what happened last night?" He asks, and I shake my head in lack of words. It's not like anything really happened. Although I do remember him working me up, and my body craving his touch.
"Did you lose your voice all of a sudden?" He asks with a smile, running a hand up and down my arm making goosebumps appear on my skin.
"N-no," I stutter, I guess I just don't know how to behave around you anymore," I confess.
"Just be you, Em. I don't know if I've told you, but I very much like that person," he whispers the last part in my ear, and my heart skips a beat.
I smile at him, wanting to feel his lips against mine, but I'm too afraid to do so, and instead I back my way into the bathroom with Charlie following. "You joining?" I ask, bewildered, my mind on overdrive.
"Would you like me to?" He asks licking his lips, and I nod before I can even comprehend what I've just agreed to. My God! Charlie is going to see my naked body. Not that I haven't imagined that before, but suddenly the entire situation feels much less sexy and romantic than it did in my head. "Unless you don't want to, I mean I understand if you wouldn't want to-," my rant is cut off when Charlie presses his lips against mine and butterflies erupt from my stomach as I'm pushed against the wall.
"Stop trying to push yourself down, I don't see why I wouldn't want to be with you. You're perfect to me," he says, and I freeze.
What the actual fuck? Is he being serious right now?
He smiles at me, "you aren't used to compliments are you?"
I shake my head.
"You gotta use your voice, Em. I don't want you to go all silent on me."
I blush. "Sorry."
"Don't apologise," he says grabbing my hands as he stares intently at me.

"No, I'm not used to compliments"" I confess.
"That's a shame because it seems that you have no idea how good you are."
I watch as Charlie walks over and closes the door behind us before he turns around and looks at me once more. I feel my heart skip a beat, and I'm filled with anticipation, but I'm filled with adrenaline too. My voice gets stuck in my throat.
How do I respond to a compliment like that?
I send him a smile and feel my cheeks heat up again. That is if the red tint has even left at this point. My heart is pumping, and I wonder what I've agreed to.
Weren't we supposed to take things slow?
Charlie walks back over and looks at me with a smile. "Did you start reading the second book of Outlander?" Charlie asks, and I eye him in confusion.
Where the hell did that come from?
"No, I'm currently reading The Forty Rules of Love," I inform him.
"You really having a thing for Elif Shafak?"
"Yeah, I enjoy her writing a lot."
"So I'm assuming it's good?" Charlie asks and grabs the hem of my tee and pulls it over my head.
"Yeah, I'm quite enjoying it," I say, "It's quite heartbreaking though. Very tragic, but also very intriguing. It tells you to let your guards down and let love guide you.
Charlie leans in, and he presses his lips against mine, and I feel his hands on my bare breast, realising how exposed I actually am, and I now understand why the talk of novels. He was trying to calm me by talking about something he knows I enjoy. And it worked, however, I suddenly feel very self-conscious, and my heart seems to be galloping in my chest.