The 5th member~QUEEN *ON HOLD*

1963-"Have a good day dear."

November 5th, 1963
I stare at the ceiling of my bedroom in silence. The only noise that could be heard was from the few cars that drove past my house.

It hasn't been the same since my papa and brother's funeral.

My mum is quiet, doesn't say a thing. The only time she leaves the house is for church and her job. My mum also has taken every thing in the house that reminded her of them and stuffed it into Raphael's old room.

My sister Adeline, she cries every single day. She loved Raphael and looked up to be just like our papa.

My sister Natalie just shut down. She doesn't talk anymore, she eats when she's hungry and that's barely ever. She never wants to do anything or go anywhere. My mum doesn't do anything about it.

I, well I'm not to different from Natalie. I don't eat much, only when forced to. If I could I would stay in bed all day but Winfred makes sure we all go to school. My grades have gotten low, almost failing low, and for once in my life, I don't give an actual fuck. Oh, that's another thing, I've started swearing. I've learned that it's an easier way to get my anger out.

Yesterday, I tried my first cigarette. It wasn't actually that bad. I mean the taste wasn't the best but however, how it made me feel was great. Roger tried it with me, he thought it was good as well.

Some people may say that I'm taking it to hard, but it's the way I cope. I was a daddy's girl. I loved him. He said I should follow my dreams. I told him I wanted to be a pianist and he said go for it. My brother believed in me too. He always brought me up when I was down. Don't tell Natalie and Adeline this, but Raphael was my favorite sibling.

Today is a bad day. I have these days probably once or twice a week. These days are horrible. I feel empty, nothing interests me and I have no motivation to get up and do anything. It's a Monday and I'm hoping Winnie forgets about us so I don't have to go to school.

My wishes didn't come true as I hear a knock on my door.

"Go away." I say, shoving my face into my pillow.

"Jackie, come on you got to get up." I hear Winnie say.

"Please, just leave me alone."

"Darling I'm coming in." And before I can protest the door is opening and I groan. "Come on, time to get up and dressed."

"I don't feel well." I take the pillow off my face.

"Darling, I know these past few months have been absolutely horrible, but you can't let it get in the way.  You know Jules would never want you to feel like this. Nor would Raphael."

"I just want to hug them and kiss them one last time."

"I know, I know. Come on let's get you up and dressed." She said as she made her way to my closet.

She grabs my school uniform and hands them to me so I could change into them. I put on shoes and combed my, now, short hair.

I wrapped a silk ribbon in my hair so it made a bow and made my way down stairs with my backpack. I already felt sluggish and just wanted the warmth of my bed.

My mum shoved an apple in my hands and kissed me on the top of my head.

"Have a good day dear." She said with a fake smile.

I appreciate the effort she puts into making herself not look like she's hurting inside.

I smile at her and take a bite of the apple as I walk out of the door.

Roger is waiting on the end of the walk way, he smiled at me and I smile back. Sure, it's a forced one but hey, whatever.

"You want one?" He holds out a smoke. I guess this is going to be our new thing now.

"Sure." I take it out of his hand and he lights it for me.

"My mum is making me go to the eye doctor today. Says I'll need glasses, which is fucking wrong. I can see perfectly fine." Roger says after a while

"No, you can't." I take a long drag, before I release it and cough a little. "I've seen you squint while trying to read."

"So, I've seen you do the same thing."

"Yeah, and that's why I'm getting glasses you idiot." I say.

"Whatever. You think I'll look cute with glasses?" He asks me

"Of course you will."

"Hey, you want to skip first block, I'm not trying to get yelled at by Mr.Bradley?"

"Sure. Let's go to that new coffee place. Heard they have delicious scones."

"You and your scones." He said shaking his head.

"What? I love scones."

So, we made our way to the coffee place and I was right. The scones were delicious. After we were done, we had about 20 minutes till we had to make our way to school, so we decided to go to a record store and pick up some new records.

I got a new album by a new band called The Beatles. Roger got one as well. He also got new drum sticks and I got some new piano and violin music.

Once we were done we made our way to the school just on time for the first bell to ring, indicating that first block had ended. I placed Roger and I's stuff in my locker and we made our way, hand-in-hand, down the corridor to our second block.

Of course, in the back of my mind I still have a feeling of loneliness and sorrow, but while I'm with Roger, I feel better. He makes me feel like me. And I'll always love him for that.

𝓦𝓸𝓻𝓭 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓽 1002
Sorry this was short, but now I know where I'm going with this. Also, school started this week, sorry if I miss updates. I'll try to do my best. Bye loves.

;)

Paige