Carmine (Completed)

Chapter 48

I walked into the house and saw Janilla sitting on my bed. Her hands clasped over her lap as if she were waiting for me in her drab thin pink robe.

My lips parted cautiously. "Janilla?"

Her eyes drifted downward. I closed the door and stepped towards the bed. My sack was hanging off the bed's headboard. Janilla said, "You don't have to do this."

She was speaking of killing that person, for I had told her that I was going to complete the deed. "I already told you, it's not a matter of whether we can do it, someone's going to do it, so I might as well take advantage of it myself."

"This is not who you are."

I took up my sack. "I don't know who I am, not anymore." My eyes looked for anything that I was forgetting to carry.

Sniffling. 

I stopped in my reaching grasp towards the table next to my bed then turned to Janilla's moistening cheeks thanks to the streaming rivers snaking silently. My body ceased movement as I tried to rationalize what this meant.

I was not used to this, for such a situation was never taught to me. Weakness was never taught in Ascus, nor was it in the recipe being burnt on the cauldron that was my life.

I narrowed my eyes. "What are you crying about?"

She shook her head with closed eyes. "This was not supposed to happen."

I stood over her when I said, "Life happens." My eyes saw my gun on the other side of my bed, then sleeping on the wooden floorboard.

She said, "Life? What kind of life is this? This was not supposed to happen! Erot, my God, this cannot be real. Please, my Lord, tell me this is not real. Tell me this is a test. Tell me I was wrong, call me a fool." I reached my body over the bed and took up my gun. Once I pulled myself back beside her, our eyes met and she continued more soberly, "I could have sworn this was a dream."

Those eyes held so much sorrow, yet what ravaged my heart was different from the damnation of gloom. It was more insidious, and I was trying to fight it, like everything else in my life.

No, there were not going to be any thoughts on this, those thoughts were not going to enter my mind. I crouched and took out my shield.

The shield was held over my chest and my fingers rubbed the outer edges in nervous hesitation of sliding it on my wrist. I stood straight, then turned to her. "I wish this was a dream too, but I have woken up. What about you?"

Janilla rubbed her eyes leaving her cheeks wetter than the leaves at dawn. "I was hoping you could save us from this nightmare."

"I am not Erot."

"But—"

"Don't, hold, your, tongue. Speak to me."

Her head dropped low and her hair obscured her face. "Would it matter? I will take my leave and gather provisions for your trip, my Lady." Janilla got up and left me in the house, alone.

By the time I met them, they were on the outskirts of the town among the trees. I asked for Exodine and Janilla found her voice, but she was not speaking in tongues.

Janilla groaned and said, “The Exodine is going to your head, my Lady.”

The leaves made a fierce noise to the whistling wind.

I retorted, “That is where it’s supposed to go.” 

“You are too confident my Lady.” Janilla was learning from the best, so much so she was trying to best her master, me.