Lust & Hunger

The Exciting Things In Life

So I told him. About the car wreck, how I saw my Mother and what she had said to me. About Eric saving me, my new friends and job. After filling him in with the last few years of my life, he broke down. I've never seen my Dad cry before, not even when my Mom died. I always knew he was hurting, but never let me see him hurt.

"She must be so angry with me" he said in between sobs. I started to rub his back and try to comfort him." She looked at peace Dad, she's happy where she is. Mom loves us, Dad. I promised to make her proud, you need to do the same. Do you really think she'd want to see you this way?" I grabbed my tea and took a sip from it." But Dad, what do you need my help with? You keep saying you need my help, but you keep beating around the bush." He looked down at the ground and ran his fingers through his hair. I could tell it was going to be something big. He was always the type of man to never ask for others for help, he was a very independent person." I need your help, getting back on my feet. I don't want to be out of your life forever. I want to be there for my grandkids, be the man to walk you down the isle. I want to be your father."

I wasn't expecting something like this. It took me completely off guard. It's been almost two years since Ive seen him, and he's already asking me for help. I took a deep breath, and sighed." Dad" I said as I stood up from the couch. I turned to face him with my hands on my hips." I begged you to get your shit together, begged you to start being my Dad again. And now after almost two years of Mom being gone, that's when you decide to get better?" I could feel my cheeks start to get hot. With how much I've had to put up with him, how many chances I gave him to get better. And now he's choosing to admit that he needs help. He stayed quiet, he knew he was in the wrong." You were supposed to be my Father, we were supposed to be there for each other when Mom died. I didn't get a shoulder to cry on, I didn't get to vent my feelings out to anyone about Mom. Especially not to you, you were always too loaded." I looked at my watch, which read 5:30.p.m.

"I know baby, I'm so sorry for letting you deal with that on your own." He looked up at me, with sadness in his eyes." I didn't know how to handle your Mother being gone. Not being able to wake up to her every morning, hear her voice. Even be able to smell the coffee she made every morning before we went to work. One day she was there, with that beautiful smile she always had, with her brown hair that she always had in that bun. And then poof, she was gone." He looked down at the ground, as tears streamed down his face." Not a day goes by that I don't think about her."

I let out a huff, before finally caving in." Where are you staying at right now?" I asked. He rubbed the back of his head, then looked up at me shamefully." Nowhere, at the moment." I looked at his dirty clothes. How long has he been wearing those? Is that all he has?" So I'm assuming these are the only clothes you have?" I asked. He nodded his head." Okay, follow me." I said as I started to walk to my bedroom. I walked to my closet, and started to look through it." Before I left, I packed a few of your shirts and sweats." I pulled out one of my Dad's favorite Pink Floyd shirts, and one of his plain black sweatpants. I turned to him and handed him the clothes. He looked down at the shirt, and gave out a chuckle." I was wondering where these went, why did you take them?" He said looking down at me with a smile plastered on his face." Just because I left, doesn't mean I didn't care about you. I wanted a piece of you to be with me everywhere I went." I gave him a smile, before he pulled me into a hug." You know you're always going to be my little girl, right?" I wrapped my arms around him, holding him tight. It's been so long since I've gotten to feel him. With how dirty his clothes are, he still smells like my Dad. I pulled away, still giving him a smile.

"Take a shower, clean yourself up. There's extra razors underneath the bathroom sink if you need to shave. Tomorrow I'll go by the clothing stores in town and get you some new clothes, okay?" I said. My Dad nodded, before grabbing my face with his free hand." I love you Cass." He turned to walk out of the bedroom, before I stopped him." Dad?" I called out. He looked over his shoulder towards me." If I find out you're using, or bring anything into my home. You're out of here, got it?" I said sternly. He gave me a hesitant nod, before turning to walk down the hallway.