The Rejects of Richmond University | editing

71. In Which Ziyan Goes off the Deep End

authors note:
i changed the ending and a minor detail that was a plot inconsistency that i noticed after reading. if you read this portion before, just know they're not parked outside his moms place anymore and the last sentence is different.

recap:

ziyan is on probation for selling weed to an undercover cop. he is currently faking an engagement with salma (his roommate) so that his parents will stop trying to set him up with other women. after a bad fight with his father, ziyan storms out because of the lack of approval from him on who he is dating.

-

❝If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything❞
-Marylin Monroe

🌥ZIYAN🌥

I had just pulled into a street parking spot across from where we lived when I asked Salma if she loved Jaxon.

There was a silent moment in the car; one that felt like it stretched out into an eternity. The silence was thick enough to slice with a knife. I wanted to speak to her. Trust me, I did. I wanted to obliterate that dense wall of silence that was beginning to form, but my lips felt like they were stuck together with glue.

"I don't know."

She spoke at last, shaky in her response. Salma's voice went high at the end of her statement, using inflation at the end of the statement like it was meant to be preserved as a question.

I shook my head. "You don't have to pretend that you don't know where your feelings are."

"I'm not pretending."

"You aren't being honest either." I said straight-forwardly and not beating around the bush. "Don't be so standoffish."

"I think you're the last person to talk about being standoffish."

"Point taken." I smiled, then bit down on my lip to stop it from fully forming. "What are you so afraid of?"

"When it comes to Jaxon or you?"

"I wasn't aware you were afraid of me."

"Well, afraid isn't the right word."

"You're intimidated?"

"No." She shook her head. "I'm put off ease with the way you look at me sometimes. That's what it is."

"That's not what you should say about your fiancé."

"Fake fiancé," she added, "how long am I supposed to keep this up for? We didn't talk about an exact timeline."

"Now that I know you're in love with Jaxon—"

"I NEVER SAID –"

"Whoa," I cut her off, "easy there. I'm teasing you. You never answer the question, but you also didn't do a good job avoiding it either. You made it too obvious that you've contemplated the answer to that question before. There's something about the way that you paused," I said, leaning in a little back in my chair. "I can't place my finger on it."

She stared out her window, hugging herself against a wind that wasn't there. "Why are you acting like you're not the one who asked for this? May I remind you, this was your plan."

At that point, I decided to turn my car off. "It was dumb, but I thought that you wouldn't hate me in the process. That's the last thing I'd ever want."

A rock settled at the pit of my stomach, holding me in place and sinking me deeper into the ground. The stress that was pooling inside of me was potent enough to liquify me, and I could partly picture myself melting through the cracks of the car door and on to the pavement.

"I can't do this."

"What? What can't you do?"

I twisted the key, jolting upright in my seat as I put the car in reverse. "You're free, Salma, you don't have to be in this arrangement anymore - I mean, fake arrangement."

"I don't understand, I thought -"

"Maybe I was wrong, maybe I was stupid to think that this would help me get my dad off my back. It isn't working..."

It would never work. I'd seen too many movies and shows with the exact same charade of what I was trying to execute. And perhaps, there was an element in those fictitious situations that ours was lacking.

Peering at her as though it was last time, I bit my lip from forming a smile.

It hit me, then and there, that I would've kept playing this game of make-believe with her for as long as she'd let me. I was surprised when she agreed to it in the first place. And ever since, it seemed as though I was the only one trying to act the role to the best of my ability.

Probably because you weren't acting, said a voice within, but I hushed it away.

I wasn't selfish, not entirely, at least. As much as I knew I could continue this with her, I had a profound realizing that I hadn't seen her genuinely smile in my presence unless it was forced. She didn't laugh at my jokes, except for when there was someone else there to join in with her.

The saddest thing of all, above anything I noticed before, was that even Salma was oblivious at how much light poured into eyes when she was with Jaxon.

A thought sprouted itself into me and cementing its roots in a way that couldn't be stopped.

I had to move out of this house.

There was no way peace would be in my life if I had to see Jaxon have what I couldn't savor on my own. The image alone, trapped behind my sealed eyes, was strong enough to force a new path out of me. I had to get a place of my own.

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sorry for the delay

i'm planning on wrapping this book up in the coming weeks.
thanks for the support!