No Matter What

Part 1

Chapter 1

Santana stood outside her old high school debating whether to go inside or just turn around and run and she was seriously considering the latter.

It has been 10 years since she has stepped foot inside this place and she has mixed feelings about it, so much has changed, she is now 28 years old and despite everyone who said that she would never amount to anything, or in the words of her former friend Rachel Berry that she 'would only end up on a pole' she had actually become a successful singer. 

She hasn't spoken to anyone since the day she graduated high school, not even her best friend Quinn, not after receiving a string of angry messages about the state she had left Brittany in after the ceremony, and at first Santana was just scared to answer her phone calls or reply to the messages but that soon passed to hurt, which in turn, turned to anger. Quinn was her friend just as much as she was Brittany's and she never stopped to ask if she was okay, sure she had left Brittany crying in the choir room and it is something she regrets to this day but she was also in a bad way when she had ran from the choir room, tears streaming down her face and not once did any of her 'friends' message to ask how she was doing, and those who had messaged her had nothing nice to say, and had only come to the defence of Brittany, and although she was angry for a time she was also partly glad that Brittany had people to stand by her side and help her even if they chose not be there for her personally because she had hurt Brittany and she knows that, she couldn't be what Brittany wanted her to be, she just wasn't ready, she wasn't brave enough.

She had ignored the endless calls from Brittany , all the pleading text messages to call her back, all the 'I miss you' and 'I love you' messages, and it had broken her heart ignoring them and she had cried every time a call or message came through as she hid away in her bedroom over the summer, telling herself she was doing the right thing by Brittany, that Brittany would be better off without her and her insecurities.

Eventually the phone calls stopped coming as frequently and the text messages changed from 'I love you' to 'I hate you' and her heart went from being broken to completely shattered.

Her parents couldn't understand what had caused her to be so upset and isolated, at first they had assumed it was just sadness at graduating and that she wouldn't be seeing her friends as often as she did but as the days went by they thought maybe a boy had broken her heart but still they got no answer to their questions, eventually they noticed Brittany and Quinn hadn't been around and questioned their friendship, maybe they had an argument, it wouldn't have been the first. As the days and weeks passed and her mood wasn't improving her mom had come in to her bedroom and for the first time in weeks didn't ask any questions, instead she lay down on her daughters bed, put an arm around her and was simply just there for her as they lay there together until it had gone dark outside and it was in the darkness that SHE finally whispered the words 'I'm gay' to her mom as she broke down in tears as she expected the worst to happen and she only cried harder when her mom held her tighter and told her that she would always love her, no matter what. She had asked her mother not to say anything to her Father or grandmother as she wasn't ready for that and her mom agreed to keep it between them until she was ready.

Despite telling her mom her deepest secret and telling her about Brittany, her mood hadn't improved, she was still feeling very low and sad so when her Abuela had suggested she moved to Kentucky a little earlier than planned and get a change of scenery, she had agreed without any fight and a few days later she was leaving Lima and everything in it behind.

Once she arrived in Louisville, Kentucky to start her scholarship she knew straight away that it's not where she wanted to be but she tried to make it work just to distract her from missing Brittany and to block the guilt that she felt, she even tried to date again but when one of her new friends had walked into her dorm room and seen her kissing a girl she realized she wasn't much a friend at all as she immediately ran off and spread her secret to her other friends who weren't quite as open minded as she had hoped they would be and as her insecurities and fear had bubbled back to the surface she packed her things and went back home to her mother where she once again hid out in her home, her mother wasn't going to allow her to sit around and hide in her bedroom, she would either go back to college and get an education or she would go get a job and was shocked when her mother gave her an envelope full of cash that she had been saving for her since she was born, told her to follow her dreams and not to waste her life so she took her mother's advice and booked a one way ticket to Los Angeles where she got a job being a waitress/singer at a 24/7 diner and it was here she finally started to find some peace with herself, the job was fun for the most part and it provided a great distraction from all her problems and she earned enough to be able to support herself.