| T W O |
Often times, I think she's here beside me. Chloe I mean. And then she's not. I kept dreaming of her and at some point, I think of it as something real, like it's some kind of flashback of what happened. I don't remember when or how it happened but it just does, I can't help it.
I went to class on a Tuesday. I was trying to stay as normal and as calm as I could. There were still other people gossiping about Chloe's death, how it was all so sudden and they weren't even trying to make it not obvious.
During lunch break, I saw Sienna Carter pass by the hallways and I had this urge to stop her. I hesitated at first, but then I thought to myself, why not right?
When she was about to turn left from the corridor, I step out in front of her and she looked at me somehow shocked. Well, I expected that. We aren't even close and yet I'm here trying to make some small talk.
"Sienna." I muttered.
She turned around as if she thought there was someone else I was talking to at her back, and then she realized I was actually talking to her, that's when she folded her arms in front of her chest.
"June." she replied, avoiding my gaze.
There was a long silent gap and then it hits me, I didn't exactly know what to say to her or why I stopped her. I couldn't find the right words to say. For now. So I asked her instead, "Are you attending the funeral?" I winced a bit, mentioning about the funeral was hard. Asking someone about it feels like a cold ice bucket of water had been poured down on me.
That's when she finally gave eye contact, "She might have helped me in the past, but she was never my friend. I don't want to be involved, so whatever it is you're planning don't you ever include me."
After what she said, she went off and left.
She might have helped me in the past, but she was never my friend.
What did she mean by that?
• • •
The day was okay, high school as it is isn't drama-free. After my last period I head straight to my locker to leave some things, everyone was walking through the hallways doing their business, a few girls chattering, laughing and leaning on the walls, presumably talking about how their day was. Some familiar faces, for example Ellie Matthews, she's a journalist and in the photography club, she's known for taking cool eventful pictures and when I say eventful as in those drama that's been happening in our not so drama-free high school.
I know her because she's in every one of my classes. She doesn't talk much though, I guess being a journalist and photographer can make up for it. But I don't really know much about her other than her two hobbies.
I stayed there for awhile, observing and deciding that I'd leave when the place gets fewer.
I suddenly got this nausea feeling, just watching them makes me want to vomit. I knew I didn't have many friends, but knowing that Chloe was the only actual friend I had, I felt desperate. I needed someone to talk to, or at least someone who could chatter their way into me that I'd at least forget everything that had happened in the last few weeks.
My mom and I have a really good relationship, not much with my dad since he works in another state and would only come home on weekends.
There are just things out there that I couldn't tell her. That she wouldn't or couldn't understand.
I hugged my books tightly to my chest and walked through the hallways and out to the exit. I look up to the sky, I didn't realized I stayed there for about an hour just looking at everyone that passed by. It was getting late. I better get home soon.
I rubbed my temples with my left hand, just when I was about to pass the parking lot which was by now deserted, I saw Chad practically eating off Sienna's face. He was kissing her roughly. I stopped, dead tracked. Sensing I was disturbing something private, not that them kissing out here was private since they're obviously showing some PDA, I took a few steps back, glad they couldn't see me judging from the tall trees and some bushes surrounding the sides of the pavements that heads to the parking lot, where I stood.
I couldn't tell if Sienna was compliant and if the kiss was mutually reciprocated because just in the middle of their kissing, Chad's back covered the view of Sienna.
A loud smacking sound went off.
Ah! So the feeling wasn't mutual. I thought to myself. The loud smacking sound was of her hand getting in contact with Chad's face. I'm sure that'll leave a mark.
"See this is all your fucking fault, I wouldn't have done that to her if it wasn't for you!" he spat at her.
"What is wrong with you?! Chloe didn't do anything wrong!"
"-didn't do anything wrong, my ass. I'm glad I broke up with you in the first place, you did some shitty stuff."
"Oh, like what you did with Chloe wasn't shitty?" she muttered sarcastically. "What you did to her was wrong Chad! It was wrong!"
She grabbed Chad's arm, almost clawing him to the extent. Like she's holding on for dear life.
"Bitch!" he cursed, trying to free himself from her hold.
"Chloe didn't do anything wrong, she didn't do anything wrong! Why'd you...Why Chad?" her voice cracking.
"You're the one to blame Sienna, and she deserved it." He replied firmly.
Chad left Sienna after what he said. Sienna was left standing there on her own; she started sobbing, a few seconds later she was hysterically crying.
I feel like shit for hiding afar and not taking action, I would've probably helped her or Chad could've done something to damage her physically, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to know what the problem was, what they were hiding...what she was hiding.
Finally I decided that I'd go to her, try and comfort her. I'm not really good at comforting, Chloe was. She was good at comforting, saying nice things and always having this positive idea, and yet I didn't care to acknowledge that maybe she too had some monsters of her own. Secrets she wouldn't tell me...
Secrets that she had told to someone else...like Sienna.
I shake my head, trying to get it out of my system. No, Chloe wouldn't do that to me...we always tell our secrets with each other. We're best friends, she'd always remind me. She would never betray me...right?
I walked to where she's standing and touched her shoulder, a comforting gesture that I had learned from Chloe.
"Are you okay?" I asked her, she's obviously not okay but it's the instinct kicking in.
"I'm not okay! Can you please get away from me, I don't want your effing pity!" she shrugged my hand off her shoulder and glared at me. Her face red from all the crying, and still tears were dripping down her cheeks.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, "What happened and what about Chloe?"
"June, I don't care if you saw and heard anything of what happened awhile ago. I just want you to get away from me! You get me? What happened is none of your business ." she sneered at me.
"Look I'm not going to say I'm sorry for eavesdropping and watching that scene happen, but Sienna you gotta tell me what the hell was the problem? It involves Chloe, that means I involved in it too, which makes it my business as well."
She no longer faced me and was focusing her attention on something else. Ignoring my existence.
"Sienna, just please tell me..."I said.
The pleading in my voice got her to turn back her attention to me. She looked at me without saying anything; I thought that, that was it. She wouldn't talk to me, or tell me at least something, but then she frowned and tilted her head to the side.
"She was different..."
"Who Sienna? Who's different?"
"Chloe. She isn't what you think she is..."
