I haven't written in forever omg! I'm so happy and I like how this turned out!
Cold— a chilling unforgivable flurry of wind, nipping away at the bare of her goose-bumped arms. Teeth chattering forcefully, she bit the inside of her cheek to still the motion. Her eyes watered, whether from the cold or the damage of her heart, she wasn't sure. Overwhelming and numb at the same time, she sat there in the night, too dazed and dumbstruck to plan her next move.
Instead, she swallowed hard and blinked. One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four, five.
'Breathe. Come on damn it, breathe!' She thought to herself.
She closed her eyes and continued to calm herself down. Slowly but surely, her heart stopped racing. Again, opening her lids, she blinked back the wet of her brown eyes. Silence loomed over her and the vacant park. She shivered, wishing she'd brought a coat. Huffing in annoyance, her hand reached for the phone in her jeans pocket. She debated if she should turn on the blackened screen or not.
Not seemed the better option. What he had done was uncalled for and just plain heartbreaking. In the two years she's met him, this was the first time shes ever thought of harming herself again. It was doable and an easy task to just scratch at her arms and instead focus on the burning excruciating pain rather than the hole in her heart.
She wanted desperately to feel a different kind of pain. The physical kind and not the emotional kind. It was certainly tempting, especially as the bare of her arm was vulnerable with no sleeve or coat of any kind to hesitate her. She licked her lips in anticipation, her fingers itching to have a go. But she couldn't bear to do it. She'd fought so hard to recover, she couldn't slip up now. She needed to be strong.
Tilting her head up, the stars called for a quick distraction. Thankful, she pointed out the constellations in her head, that need slowly dying. Then, bitterly, her mind went to all the nights they'd stargazed and talked for hours, the nights they'd snuggled up and made fun of each other playfully. Just like that, the thought of him consumed her.
To tired and sad to give a shit, she allowed herself to imagine his beautiful smile and the corners of his radiant blue eyes crinkling up in the most stunning fashion. He was her anchor, her reason to to keep going and to never give up. He wasn't the kind of love she'd die for or kill for, he was the kind of love she'd live for and that's what mattered most to her.
He'd saved her in so many aspects, he'd helped her recover from all that long ago pain of her past and loved her when the world made her stop loving herself. He was everything to her. Her prized possession, her treasure, her world.
Allowing herself to keep imagining him, she remembered his laugh. That bellowing roar of happiness was like a sunny day that made everyone around him in a good mood. His laugh was like some sort of melody.. well to her anyway.
He was just a beautiful human being, radiating positivity and love. Everyone who knew him, absolutely adored him. Fun, wild, carefree, that was Jack Johnson. Every piece of his personality was special and surreal. Flaws and all, she thought he was perfect.
'Stop it. Don't think about him. What's wrong with you?!' She yelled at herself.
Wiping the tears that escaped her eyes, she angrily got up from the dirty park bench and trudged towards the row of swings in the distance.
Sitting down on one of them, she pushed herself with her legs, kicking off the ground.
"I'm so fucking stupid! So stupid! He promised me it was me and him always. He fucking promised!" Wailing, hard sobs overtook her.
The party that she just recently fled from 1 hour ago, was all but a big blur. She couldn't wrap her head around it. It couldn't be true. That was the boy she loved. The boy that was supposed to love her. The boy that was supposed to be the one.
She could still hear the loud blasting music and the loud chatter of all the people there, she could still smell the alcohol that was in the air and could still see the strangers wizzing passed her when she made her way down that darkened hallway. She could still feel the drop of her heart and the excruciating pain she felt when she seen it.
She could still play that moment in her head when she turned that door knob and opened that door. Emptiness, nausea, anger. There he was. There he fucking was. She'd been looking for him for 15 minutes and there he was.
Her heart raced and her head pounded. The love of her life was kissing some random girl. Jack Johnson, the most beautiful fucking soul ever, had some girl on top of him, the sheets covering their bodies. Their moans were distressing and agonizing to her ears.
She was frozen, jaw dropped, in shock and completely and utterly heartbroken. She wasn't sure what happened first, his blue eyes turning to meet her shattered ones, or the sobs that came out of her strangled voice.
Time froze. His eyes that had a new emptiness to them, were wide in shock and regret. The look of pure horror and disturbance washed over his pretty features.
She moved first, somehow getting her feet to unglue from the spot they had moulded to, and ran. Getting to the park was a blur. Everything was a blur after the sight she had just witnessed. All she felt at the moment was emptiness. She didn't know what to feel.
Jack was many things, and a cheater; didn't feel like one of them. It hurt her in so many ways, but right now, she couldn't feel a damn thing as she played that scene over and over in her head.
"What did I do wrong? Was it me? Why did he—? I don't understand."
30 more minutes went by on the swing. She would stay out on that park all night if it meant not facing him, but she was freezing. She shivered uncontrollably so, soon, she walked to the bus stop ten minutes away. And instead of going back to her and Johnson's apartment, she went to Sammy's. He was the only other friend she had and one that wouldn't ask questions just yet, one that would let her stay the night so she wouldn't have to face Johnson.
*Sammy's apartment- 3:36 am*
•A/N: who wants a part 2?!
