Be this Way

1.

I hated this. The feeling I had in my gut. This wasn't the first time I'd had to start a new school, but it never got easier. I rolled over in my twin bed and placed my feet on the cold hardwood floor. I could smell my mother attempting to make me a "first day" breakfast. She always tried to make it easier. I didn't have the heart to tell her if she didn't date so many bad guys we wouldn't have to run when it goes bad. She calls me her miracle child, which is ridiculous. I learned at 13 she called me that because I seriously messed up her womb and she had to have a hysterectomy at 18. I was her miracle because I prevented more children. Awesome. I called her Devon behind her back, because that's her name, but mom to her face. Now that I'm 16 I've realized a little bit more that she was never quite made to be a mother but she tried. I pulled my thick house robe on over my pajamas and shuffled out into the kitchen/ living room of our newest apartment.

"Livy!" Mom dances over to me her long blonde hair tied up in two pigtails on her head. She wraps her lithe arms around me and kisses me square on the cheek.

"Mom!" I try to match her enthusiasm but it falls flat. She sighs and puts her hand on her hip. I catch our reflection in the mirror above the couch. We look alike, long blonde hair (mine is a little less damaged than hers), green eyes, both barely reaching 5'4. The difference is my mom is lithe and slender, while I have curves on my hips and cleavage she envies.

"At least this time I fucked up before school started maybe you won't be the only new kid." She tries and I point at the stove where I think some eggs are black and ashy.

"Fuck!" Mom yells and I roll my eyes and grab a piece of toast from the plate she'd already made and head back to my room to get ready.

I rifle through my closet, I don't know what people will think of me. Of course everyone wants to be liked but after so long I've stopped caring to be friends with anyone, I'll just be leaving them anyway. I pull out a dark green sweater that is two sizes too big and a pair of black ripped skinny jeans. I slide them over my underwear and bra and hope I can find a matching pair of socks. Just my luck, I can't. I settle on wearing my knock off doc Martins then knowing no one will even see my socks makes me feel better. The clock on the wall says we should leave in about 40 mins so I have time to do something with my hair. I brush it past my breast and curl the ends. A quick headband in and I'm ready to go.

"Liv you're so pretty!" Mom gushes at me and grabs my army back pack for me. "I'll drive today but hopefully I get a serving job at the cafe down the road. You'll have to get yourself around then."

I nod and follow her out the door. We moved to this town three weeks ago and she's settled on another waitressing job. Nothing else was available, or wanted her. My heart ached but I couldn't make her grow up, I couldn't go to the interviews for her and help her not delve into the mysteries of her dating life. I'd look for a job eventually. It's harder when my resume is littered with short stints. Mom promised me this was the last move. I could finish my high school career and a Beaver Lake Bronco. I rolled my eyes and wondered why they weren't the Beaver Lake Beavers.

The drive to the school is short. Mom looks at me her eyes begging me to tell her what to do. I shouldn't have to tell her normal parents walk their child in, but I'm thankful she is blissfully unaware. I didn't want the attention of being new I wanted to slide in alone. I reached across the center console and hugged her arm.

"Love you mom, good luck at your interview!" I stepped out the car and slammed the door before she had a chance to wish me luck at the new school, partly because I don't know if she even would.

I kept my head down, not wanting any attention. This city was midsized so better than when we moved to small towns and everyone knew I was new. It also wasn't large enough that I get lost in a pool of other lost kids hoping to make it to graduation . I found the office easily thanks to the marked door I pushed it open. I smiled at the lady behind the desk and the bell rang signaling school had officially started. The woman behind the desk was in her fourties and had a pen shoved in her bun. She looked frantic and asked me. "Have you seen my pen?"