Be this Way

29.

Mom picked a movie, after 7 minutes she was snoring lightly. I pulled myself up to grab her a blanket and something to drink. I went to look in the mirror again, debating on if I should cut my hair or let the frizzy ripped off part try to catch up. I couldn't remember when the hair got ripped out.

I climbed carefully back on the couch. The knock at the front door stopped my breath. I turned towards mom and back at the door. She jumped to attention. It was afternoon, school had to be out. She patted my leg and stood up. My body started shaking, I willed it to stop, unsuccessfully.

"Anyone you feel up to seeing?" She asked before heading towards the door. I sighed.

"No. Not really but we'll see." I closed my eyes, the aspirin I'd taken earlier wearing off. Mom smiled weakly at me and went to the door. She stood on her tip toes to peak out the peep hole. She stepped back and mouthed Kendall to me. I closed my eyes, I didn't want to but eventually I would have to I nodded, she'd be a good first visitor.

"Kendall, hey honey." Mom stood between me and her, but Kendall towered over my mom she looked right at me her mouth fell open.

"How is she today Devon?" I frowned at the fact it seemed like I wasn't even here. I wondered if I had disappeared.

"Good, come in honey." My mom had changed over night, From a child to a full grown adult. I frowned, I didn't like it, I'd rather her go to work, and leave me alone instead of hovering like a bee on a flower.

"Thanks." She stepped past my mom, she was wearing sweats and no makeup. She smiled weakly at me. "Liv, you look good. Much better than when I...." She stepped closer but stopped. She didn't have to finish the sentence I knew she meant when she found me.

"Thanks. You don't have to lie. How was school, I'm afraid to ask." I pulled my sleeves over my hands. I could only imagine what they were saying.
No
"Everyone's really scared. I almost didn't believe it when I saw you. Liv it was so scary! What happened?" Her words spilled out, tears started to form. My mom came up behind her and held her. "I thought you were dead. Then I wanted to call 911 but the underaged drinking, I was so not prepared for that. If I'd called 911, maybe they would have caught whoever did this . But I was drunk. I'm so sorry. Livy and Devon. I'm so sorry."

"Kenny. She doesn't remember anything." She soothed her and pet her hair. I could see tears in my moms eyes, I looked away. Kendall let a tear fall down her cheek. If she was wearing any makeup it would have left a perfect black line down to her jawline.

"Shit Liv, I'm so sorry." She stood awkwardly in the living room. "I'm glad I found you though." She smiled weakly, I'm sure she wasn't glad she found me I'm sure she was glad I was found. There's a big difference there.

"Me too. I wish I could remember what happened, maybe it's for the better. I wish I'd never went out." I crossed my arms. "Have you talked to Maverick?" I squeaked out. Her eyes flashed.

"He wasn't in school today. He was so upset, he actually was crying when he saw you. Why did you wander off? You don't remember anything?" She stepped towards me, I held my hand out to invite her to sit. "I'm not blaming you. I don't know what to say?" She shrugged, my mom perched herself on the arm of the couch. Watching like a protective cat. Kendall wasn't known for being empathetic.

"It's okay. I don't know what to say either, the police keep asking me questions, I wish they'd find them and this could just go away." I chocked back tears. Kendall flung her arms around me, I went ridged at her touch, but she didn't let go she cried into my shoulder. I couldn't stand her touch, I pushed her off apologizing.

She frowned at me obviously uncomfortable. "I hope you remember something, Livy, whoever did this to you wanted to leave you for dead." My mom cleared her throat. "I should go, Livy I'm so sorry this happened to you, I hope they find him." Kendall sat up straight and put a hand on my shoulder and then hugged my mom. "My parents want me home right after school they'll be worried." My mom led her to the door, she jumped back when she opened it. Maverick fell into the door, his eyes bloodshot. He had been sitting on the ground in front of the front door.

"Sorry Devon, I'm sorry. Kendall? I'm just trying to keep her safe." He scrambled to stand up, his words jumbled. "Livy, baby." He stood there, slightly hunched over. His face was twisted into pain and shock. Was he sitting in front of my door? My moms stared horrified between the two of us. "Don't cry baby. I didn't mean to make you cry." His voice cracked. Mom put her hand on his arm to stop him from coming closer.

I didn't realize it but tears ran like a river down my face. I felt paralyzed with fear. I looked at Kendall standing in the doorway, she put her hand on Maverick's other arm. "Mav, can you give me a ride home?" She begged him. My eyes pleading for her to ask him again. I didn't want him to see me like this. He stood frozen, my mom stood firm in the center of us. I could see the worry on moms face, she thought he could have done this to me.

"Yeah. Sorry Livy, I'm so sorry." He turned to leave the apartment. I reached out for him but pulled my arms back in. I tucked my hands into my armpits.

Mom shut the door and flew over to me. "Honey, are you okay?" She wrapped her arms around me. Her hands tangled into my hair. It was a knotted mess, I'd need to brush it eventually or it would start to mat.

"Yah, yah." I sighed.

"Livy, was it him?" Mom whispered and I shuddered. She looked at me with kind eyes, I felt no judgement. I could tell she was searching for the answer.

"I don't think so mom, he left me to do something though, I wished I could remember." I bit my lip my face screwed in pain. "I can't imagine it was him." I couldn't cry anymore there was nothing left.

"Okay baby." She shushed me. "We should get you some professional help soon though. The police are trying their best but without you remembering anything, they can't do much. Can we talk about it Liv. See if anything new comes to mind? They want me to bring you down to the station tomorrow."

"I was going to the lake, we picked up Ashley. She had vodka." I couldn't look at my mother I just opened my mouth waiting for words to fall out. I was afraid she was judging me. "Maverick got out of the truck, I think we kissed, I went with Ashley." My brain throbbed trying to scrape any details I could out.

"Anything else?" Mom rubbed my arm gently. Tears forming in her blue eyes. She blinked them away and apologized.

"The trees. I wished God would save me, but he never did." My eyes screwed shut, and I threw up on the floor.