Be this Way

12.

As soon as he left the veil lifted. I felt the reality set in. I sank to the floor, a knot in my throat. When he was around I felt free and uninhabited, as soon as he left though I felt shame and regret. The spell was broken.

I had to stay away from Maverick. I stood up, running my hands through my hair. "Avoid him." I said pacing back and forth. "Avoid him for your own sanity." We obviously couldn't be left alone together so I had to make sure that didn't happen. My heart twinged but without his deep blue eyes staring at my soul my brain was louder. I took out my phone. I'd delete his number to avoid temptation.

My finger hovered over his name. The phone screen changed and a call was coming through, I screamed and threw the phone up. Mom was calling me. I scrambled to grab the phone. Laughing at myself for being so ridiculous.

"Hey!" I breathed into the phone.

"Liv, baby what's going on?" Her accusation was dripping in her question.

"You scared me. That's all what's up?" I composed myself.

"Scared you? Anyway, your friends Kendall and Ashley are here, they want you to come out." Mom sounded ecstatic.  I rolled my eyes. If I was going to avoid Maverick I had to also avoid his friends.

"No mom, that's okay. I really just want to hang out at home, I do have school tomorrow." I sighed into the phone. "Wait how do you know them?"

"Sarah pointed them out. She's not a huge fan of them. I don't think they tip well." I could hear her wain off. "Gotta go baby." She hung up on me. I frowned at the phone. Thanks mom.

I didn't want to do anything the rest of the day, there was school tomorrow and I was already exhausted. I figured nothing would help me more than a hot bath. I Walked into the bathroom, stripping down to my underwear. I cranked the handle on the water, releasing steam as it filled the old tub. I ran a hairbrush through my hair and pulled it up into one of moms scarves.

I dipped my toe into the water, it was scalding hot. I turned on some of the cold water to help balance out the heat. I sat down on the closed toilet waiting for the water temperature to even out. I heard a knock at the door. I felt myself slump over, I was too emotionally exhausted to go see who it was. I grabbed my cellphone and turned the volume down, I played my favorite Lana del Ray song and opened my camera. I quick took a picture of my toes, covered in chipped dark purple paint and sent it off to Maverick. As soon as the sound of the message being sent whooshed, I regretted it.  So far avoiding him wasn't going so well. I debated on blocking him, but instead turned off the faucet, set my phone on the back of the toilet, and slid into the warm water. It encased my body sending goosebumps across my skin. Hoping whoever was at the door would leave.

I closed my eyes listening to the music. I imagined what life could be like if I didn't have such reservations about life, friends, and boys. Could I let myself be loved. What if my mom and dad had tried to raise me in a home, together. Would I be different?  I wondered about many people who've entered and left my life, could one of them be the reason I either flourished or flopped? Was it all on me to decide who I became or did outside forces really play a part.

I felt my skin pruning, pulling tight. The water was going temped. I knew it was time to get out, I pulled out the drain and stood up, I needed to rinse the dirty water off my body, so I flicked on the shower letting the water rinse me off. It was late in the afternoon by the time I shut off the water and stepped out into the now cold bathroom. It was too early to put on pajamas but felt bizarre putting on clothes for the day. I scooted quickly towards my room. I was hungry for something for dinner. I knew I had left over pizza in the fridge but that didn't sound good. I pulled on a dress out of convenience more than style and slid it over my body. It was a short sleeved black dress that cinched and the waist and fell to the floor. It was a soft cotton material. I ran my hands down the front of the dress smoothing it against my body. I pulled my moms scarf off my head letting my hair fall around me in waves. I still had time to run to the grocery store if I hurried. I bent down to grab my purse and keys and left the apartment.

The air was crisp with fall scents as I walked. The sun low in the sky. It wasn't a far walk but I was kicking myself for not going earlier in the day. I went to press play on my phone to listen to music and I realized I'd left it in the bathroom. I was already half way to the store so I kept going. Cars drove by me fewer and fewer, getting home to prepare for the Monday ahead. I could see the store front of the grocery store. I stopped to let someone pull into the parking lot and they waved. I nodded and looked down at the ground. I quickly walked into the doors of the grocery store. I grabbed a basket, I wouldn't get much, and started walking the food isles. I grabbed a bag of Doritos first, I'd get some sour cream to dip them in as a snack. I needed a protein though, my stomach growled in agreement. I grabbed a package of pork chops still frozen. I giggled to myself, I didn't know how to make pork chops. Luckily they had one rotisserie chicken in the deli and I grabbed it as a sign. The sticker said it was made 2 hours ago. Perfect. I turned towards the front to pay, a blonde boy behind the register smiled at me. Ian.

"Hey Liv!" He smiled. He was old time movie handsome I had to admit.

"Ian, hey." I lowered my head, my hair falling forward.

"What's up?" I set my basket down and he pulled out my three items. "Well balanced diet I see." He winked at me.

"Yah." I squeaked out. Last time I'd seen Ian he was chasing after a girl without his pants on. I couldn't make eye contact with him for fear I'd break out laughing.

"You're lucky we close in like 5 mins. Early on Sunday. It's a pretty nice gig. You looking for work they're hiring!" He put my meal in the bag and looked up at me.

"Maybe, not right now." I pipped. I swiped my debit card and grabbed my bag. "See you uh tomorrow." I turned to leave.

"Wait, did you walk here? If you wait I can give you a ride home." He shrugged. "It's a little out of the way but I don't mind. You can even hang out in here with me until then so you don't have to stand around outside."

"Thanks but I can walk." I waved at him over my shoulder.

"It's getting dark out." He hollered back at me. I skidded to a stop. "Just wait, I'll go ask the owner now if I can just go." He stepped around the register. "It's my dad." He laughed.

"Okay. Thank you." I had no polish left on my fingernails to pick at while I waited. The older lady closing the other register smiled at me.

"You Ian's girlfriend?" She reminded me of mrs. Claus.

"Oh no, just a classmate." I smiled back at her.

"He's a good boy." She winked at me as he came around the corner. "I've watched him grow up. He'd be a good catch we've all been waiting for him to get a girlfriend. You're new to town, haven't see you around here."

I frowned. "I'm not the girl."

She shrugged and smiled kindly at me before walking away. "We'll see." She mumbled something about girls my age I didn't catch it all.

"Yah dad said I'm good to go, come in Liv, bye Gwen." He nodded to his much older coworker.

"Thanks again Ian." He led me around to the parking lot. He drove a pretty nice Toyota Camry it was black with tinted windows.

"Yah absolutely, Mav said you live in the same building as him right?" He started the car and pulled out into the street. My heart skipped hearing Maverick talked about me. I frowned at myself. Stay away.

"Yes." The chicken was burning my lap but I didn't want to put it on the floor of his clean car. It was too new and pristine. I realized I thought the car was worth more than myself.

"That smells good." He reached over and I flinched, I hoped he didn't notice. He slung his arm around the back of my seat. "You going to eat a whole chicken alone?" He laughed.

"I'm hungry." I forced a laugh, cringing at how fake it sounded. "You can have some with me If you'd like." I frowned at myself praying he'd say no.

"Heck yah i would never turn down free food." He pulled into the parking lot of the apartment building and I smiled weakly back at him. So far my distancing myself didn't seem to be going so well.