Be this Way

32.

I felt myself screaming, my throat burned but nothing came out. I felt pressure across my body, I had to fight it with everything in my body, I had to get him off. My eyes flicked open, I was in bed alone, a pillow holding me down. I sighed. My alarm clock said it was 9 am. Maverick must have snuck out. I reached for my phone, my heart still racing from my nightmare. I pressed the power button down, forcefully, I wondered if I could crush the phone with my hand.

The light turned on, blinding me slightly, I held the screen away from my face, I'd have to eventually turn my phone back on. The messages exploded across the screen I held my breath while they came flying in. Most from Maverick and Kendall, a couple from unsaved numbers. I got the jist of the messages, most hoping I was okay, some asking me why I blamed Ian. Kendall's last text stabbed me in the gut. "He wasn't even there Liv, why are you doing this to him?" I tossed the phone to the end of the bed and stood up. I knew no one would believe me, Ian was a good boy, I was a stranger.

"Morning Livy, How are you feeling." My mom was holding a steaming cup of coffee in her frail hands. "Dan is coming over later, I might try to get back to work, if you feel okay." She sipped the coffee, I could tell it burnt her mouth but she held it there.

"Yah, someone has to make money." I curled up on the old navy recliner in the corner. "What even happens next mom?" I picked at some fluff on my pajama pants.

"I'm sure we'll find out, are you sure you're okay?" Moms eyes searched my face.

How could I tell her I wasn't okay, I was mad, scared and worst of all embarrassed. "Yes mom, I'm fine, it's not that big of a deal, I wasn't even conscious." She gasped at the last part, her eyes fell to the floor. "My body is healing, I mean, that's got to be the worst part." I debated comforting her more, but it was too exhausting.

She opened her mouth to say something and then shut it. There was a knock at the door, and we both jumped. She laughed nervously and I sighed. The way she moved to the door was heavy and sluggish, versus her usual light quick steps.

"Good morning ladies, I brought donuts." Dan walked through the door, his expensive suit clashed with the garage sale style decor in our apartment. I stared at him blankly, wondering if he had children, he wore a wedding band, so he had to have a wife, or husband.?

"Do you have any kids?" The words spilled out of my mouth before I could stop them. I crossed my arms.

"Yes, two little twin boys, they're 4." Dan drew his eyebrows together. "Why do you ask?"

"You know so much about me, I guess I was curious." I pulled my hair over my right shoulder examining it for split ends. I made me chuckle, seemed Minuscule compared to the chunk missing.

"Fair enough." He shrugged holding a box of donuts out to me, I grabbed one without looking and he sat down on the couch. "Okay we have a problem."

My mom shifted uncomfortably, a small sigh escaping her. "Problem?"

"Ian has been released, to his parents custody, they rushed the bail hearing this morning. They let him go home." Dan swallowed loudly. "They want more evidence."

"More evidence!" My mom practically exploded. "Look at her."

"Her testimony is strong, but unfortunately, no one saw Ian there that night, mixed with alcohol you admit to consuming. He's a good boy, this is his first time in front of a judge not even a speeding ticket." Dan sighed again. "Bullshit."

"You've got to be kidding me." My mom stood up and paced back and forth. "Is he under Surveillance? Can he just go anywhere he wants?"

"Technically, I suppose, we just need a missing piece." Dan looked defeated. "Someone who provided him with the drug, anything."

"Who would admit to being a drug dealer." My mom screeched. "That's ridiculous." She threw her hands up and walked into the kitchen and made herself a drink.

"Livy, they want to plea. They want to plea down to simple assault, it's a misdemeanor, 1000 dollar fine most." Dan leaned back on the chair. I felt the air struggling to escape my lungs, i realized I'd been holding my breath.

"Will it make this go away?" I looked at Dan through my lashes. "Do you think we should? I wish I didn't have to press charges at all." I sighed.

"Why?" Dan leaned forward. "It'd say we wait on it, see what gets turned up, Jenna is looking for evidence, I say we hold off on accepting the plea."

"No, I want to go back in time but that can't happen." I pulled my legs out from under me. "If he had waited to pull me out of his car I probably wouldn't even remember it was him."

"We have time to decided if we want to except the plea." Dan nodded at me as my mom came back into the room.

"Well fuck now what?" My mom looked like she'd aged 20 years over night.

"We wait and hope Jenna finds something." Dan leaned back on the couch, staring at my uneaten donut.

Maverick knocked on the door right after mom went to lay down, I turned off the tv, not even sure what I was watching. He was standing in front of the door, his hair ruffled and his eyes bloodshot. I opened the door and he pushed in. "Livy." His voice was shaky.

"Maverick what's wrong?" I reached out but pulled my hands to cross my chest.

"I fucked up, all I saw was red." His eyes searched my face for understanding but I couldn't.

"What?" I looked past him into the hall. "What did you do?"

"I saw Ian, he was hanging out around the school. I fucking charged him, I nearly hit him.." he faltered off. "But I'm too much of a pussy to hit him."

"Wait, you're upset you didn't do anything?" I leaned in the door frame. "Maverick." I touched his arm. I couldn't help what happened next, I laughed. I laughed a deep gut laugh, it almost hurt but it felt nice to let it out, his face screwed up in worry.

"I'm supposed to protect you, pretty sure he peed his pants, Kendall stopped me." He relaxed. "She wants to come see you but thinks your mad at her."

"What are they saying?" I bent my neck looking down at the floor.

"Most of the school thinks he did it, they support you, some people are saying you are just blaming him because his family has money. And those people are stupid."

"I was worried it would be like a lifetime movie, and the whole school would hate me." I sucked my lip into my mouth.

"Livy, half the people at school saw you carried out of the woods." He cringed at the memory. I felt my face light on fire. I recrossed my arms and sighed. At least they didn't hate me, but what was Ian doing by the school? My stomach rolled over on its self.