If I Ain't Got You | YeonBin

• 12 •

"If I didn't left you that night,

would you change again for me?"

~~~~~

"Can I...talk now?"

Yeonjun wiped his teary eyes, looking at the younger who was so nervous. He smiled fondly at him.

"Is there something you didn't tell me that time?"

Soobin bit his bottom lip, trying to arrange the words that he wanted to speak out to him.

"I think, there's so much...happened."

The older just nodded and smiled, he was ready to listen what he wanted to say.

"I am...sorry too. That day, when the night you yelled at me the first time...mom said he wanted to see you, like...she wanted to talk with you...and she knew that...her time wasn't much left."

The older wanted to say sorry but he hold it up. He let the younger continued.

"I wasn't able to ask you since...you know, you were kinda busy like so busy that time, I barely saw you at home too. When you yelled at me that night because I asked where you had been, at first I thought maybe you were stressed out and tired that day, I tried to let it slide."

Soobin now was the one who smiled sadly. "I planned to ask you to meet mom the next day. But you left early that I even didn't know what time you went out, you didn't text me either." He bowed down his head.

"My faith in you was fading time by time, I thought that was just first and last time you yelled at me. But...you yelled at me again, more frequent, and my fear to you grew bigger each time you yelled, I couldn't build my courage to talk to you, to ask you why you did that to me, or what happened to you back then. I was wondering if you still loved me or not..."

Yeonjun looked at the younger felt guilty growing bigger on his heart. "Soobin, I'll-"

"Please, now let me finish first, hyung."

Soobin inhaled and spoke his heart out loud. "When a distance grew between us, mom got worse, I wanted to be there for her, but I do wanted to always there for you too, I wanted to tell you what I felt, I wanted us to be worked again like we used to...

But I was too afraid, I was too weak. At the end, I thought I had to focus on my mom only, and I didn't need that kind of pain that I felt with you when I had to be strong for her. I thought we really couldn't make everything's worked again, so I gave up on you, I thought you didn't need me as much as I needed you, and I thought I already lose you..."

Tears now rolled down slowly on the younger's face. "But, you know what? When I broke up with you, the hospital called me, right after I left you. Mom was in critical condition, and when I arrived there, she left me a few minutes after..."

He looked at the older, still sadly smiling. "I left you, and the next minutes, she left me. Oh, hyung, I had a thought God really loves you, so It took my mom away from me just right after I left you hurting."

Soobin sobbed right now, he couldn't hold it anymore. Yeonjun immediately pulled him closer and hugged him, soothing him with his thumb on his shoulder.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for your lost, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me. I'm sorry you had to bear with it alone. I'm sorry..." Yeonjun felt Soobin's shoulder trembling, he was sobbing hard. Who wouldn't when you were losing all your loved ones...

The younger shook his head lightly. "N-no, hyung. I'm sorry, I-I couldn't build up my c-courage to ask you, what you'd going throught, too..." He still sobbed, didn't mind the older held him close. He missed his touch anyways.

"We had make a mistake back then. It's okay. A mistake is one way to learn to be better. It's okay." Yeonjun rubbed the back of the younger softly.

Soobin nodded, his sobs slowly stopped with the embrace of the older. There was a silence, a comfortable silence that no one wanted to break. They felt nice, just staying there so close with each other.

I wish time could stop.

Still in that position, Soobin who leaned his head on Yeonjun's shoulder, and Yeonjun who embrace him rubbing his back softly with his thumb. They could smelled out each other that close. They really missed each other...

After few minutes passed, Soobin broke the silence by clearing his throat.

"Umm...hyung, you can let me go, I'm fine now." The younger sounds softly told him.

Yeonjun widen his eyes panicked by what he did to the younger and immediately removed his hands from him, that made the younger chuckled.

"I'm sorry, oh my God! My bad!" He placed his hands on his own lap now, biting his inner lip felt nervous and looked down at his hands.

"No need, hyung. Thank you for that, tho..."

Yeonjun felt a little at ease after hearing the younger words. He tilted his head up to look at the younger who was smiling.

"Soobin..."

"Hm?"

He gathered all his courages to say the next words. "Can we...start all over again?"

Soobin stilled, his smile dropped a little, hesitation was evident on his face and he looked like he couldn't say anything.

The older saw that and he tried to fix the situation right away. "You don't need to answer that now, I'll wait, and if you can't...I'll try to unders-"

"No, hyung. I want to."

Yeonjun's eyes lit up, looking at the younger who looked away from him shyly. "Really? I don't wanna force you, Soobin. I was being a jer-"

"Hyung. I told you it wasn't just your fault. It was mine, too. So please, let me make it up to you. Let's start all over again, slowly."

The older couldn't believe what he heard. Soobin, his love of his life, finally back to his arms. He didn't mind how slow Soobin meant, but he would patiently followed his pace to the kind of love they used to feel...

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Soobin was hurting too 😔
I hope this book make sense :(
And dont worry about the last chap, i just add the 'aesthetic' words in the beginning of it. That change doesnt really matter you dont need to re-read 😃