Abandoned

Chapter 20

Ming's pov:

I woke up on top of p'pha.

I looked up at him.

He was asleep. One of his hands was gently placed on my head.

The memories of those days in the park were fresh in my mind.

Now that the medicine is kicking in, the pain is doubled.

I have full control over my body but if it's going to be like this i would rather not be able to control it.

It hurts too much. It's too disgusting.

I want to rip off my own skin.

I want to die so badly. Even more than before.

I don't want to feel like this.

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

Tears formed in my eyes.

I hugged him tightly and buried my face in his chest.

He slowly started stirring.

"Ming?" He called me softly.

I just tightened my arms around him and released a small whimper.

He slowly sat up and pulled me closer.

"Talk to me." He gently pat my head.

I loosened my embrace and looked up at him.

He wiped my tears.

"I don't want this anymore." I sobbed.

"What? What do you not want anymore?" He asked.

"I don't like this. The pain is too much. I feel disgusting. I want to rip my skin off. I don't like it. I don't want the medicine." I gripped my arms and dug my nails into them.

"Ming no." He took my hands and held them in his.

"I know it hurts a lot right now. It's going to be really painful. You locked yourself out all these years, protecting yourself from all this pain. But now the medicine is not letting you do that. You have to face all the pain and trauma. But you'll get better. That's why we took you to the doctor in the first place. The therapist will help you overcome this pain. He will help you feel better." He explained softly.

I pursed my lips and whined.

"But it hurts so much. I want to die even more than before. I don't like feeling like this." I said.

"Ming. It's bound to hurt. This is the pain you've been running away from all these years. It will be hard but you'll feel a lot better when it's over. You won't even think about wanting to die then. You will be completely happy then." He assured me.

I gripped his hands tightly.

Why does my life have to be like this? What did i do wrong?

"Hey look at me." He held my head and turned me to face him.

"Don't think too much. You don't have to force yourself. We'll take it one step at a time. Ok?" He said gently.

I slowly nodded and moved closer.

I pressed my cheek on his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist.

I closed my eyes and let his steady heartbeat sooth me.

He gently caressed my hair.

"Mom said dad has scheduled your first session with therapist tomorrow afternoon at 3." He spoke up after a while.