The Wanderer

Chapter 11

I wake up in Niko's arms, in the same position I vaguely remember us being in last night. Even though mates usually mate right after they meet, I feel the need to distance myself from him. I've never been the type to open up, and not being around people for so long has made me want to keep my distance.

I know he feels the same way, never opening up to anyone, so I've decided I will open up if he does. I will be there for him and I hope he returns the favor.

Trying to move out of his arms, he tightens his hold on me. Continuing the struggle of getting away, he wakes up, immediately loosening his hold on me.

We both must have been so sleepy last night that we got closer than we meant to.

I lay on the opposite side of the bed, not wanting to let myself get too close to him. What if he leaves me like everyone else in my life? Sure, they didn't leave willingly, but what if he doesn't either?

My fears are unreasonable, me knowing deep down that he can take care of himself, but that is what I thought of my pack. I thought they could protect themselves, but I was proven wrong. They tried, but it was all in vain. They all died anyway.

What if something like that happens to him, and he can't protect himself like I think he could. Would I be there to protect him, or will I not be there, just like with my pack? Will all my efforts to love and be loved be pointless in the end, when they undoubtedly leave me?

Breaking out of my thoughts, I look to Niko, only to see him looking around, his eyes unfocused. Just waking up, he sees me no longer in his arms, frowning at that fact.

That makes a small amount of joy fill my heart, knowing he wants me in his arms. However, I also feel a bit guilty, knowing I'm scared to open my heart up to him. I don't know if I will ever be ready to love someone again, for the fear of losing them may override my need for it. I will protect my heart with everything in me, but I will also try. I will try to admit my flaws and get over my hesitation.

Niko pretends to not care about me not being in his arms as he sits up and walks out the door without looking back.

Ignoring the stinging in my heart, I enter the bathroom to wash up. Looking for a toothbrush, I find one underneath the sink. It is packaged, so I tear it out, putting some toothpaste on it before running it under the water.

Brushing my teeth quickly, I turn on the shower water to cold, stripping and jumping in. The chill of the water finds its way into my bones, freezing me from the inside out. It gives me something to think about, instead of the destructive thoughts my brain comes up with. I am a textbook overthinker, meaning every action I take has been thoroughly thought about.

I was caught off guard last night by the ache in my chest, the longing for Niko to be by my side. This made me act unusual, as I assume Niko was acting out of character too. With how closed off he is, I never expected him to come into my room and ask for my company. Blaming both of our actions on the tiredness we were both experiencing, I bring my mind back to my shower.

The cold water hits my wounds harshly, reminding me that they needed to be cleaned last night. I was so exhausted that I could barely feel the pain. They are healing nicely, but they need to be covered to prevent bacteria and germs from getting into gashes.

I wash my thick and wavy hair with the sample shampoo and conditioner, before washing my body with the soap bar and a washcloth.

Brushing through my hair once I am out of the shower and dried off, I wonder if I have to ask for clothes from Niko. I conclude that I do when I come out of my room, the bed having no clothes waiting for me.

Not wanting to put the dirty clothes on, I walk out of the bedroom, holding the towel around my body tightly. I knock on the door that is only a few feet away from mine, staring at my feet embarrassedly.