Before

A Home Far Away

   

    We had a bonfire, Lilee, Tenga, Stone, and I. Sitting gathered around in a circle, Tenga played his guitar, and Lilee hummed some tunes.
Stone just sat there listening, as he ate some snacks, smiling away. And I couldn't help but stare at him so happy, so carefree, living, and actually enjoying it. Instead of cursing it as if it were hell and not a true blessing, to be alive, and well.
But as I sat beside him those memories of my actual life came tumbling forward, ready for their proper recognition. I had to go back home, I had to let my mother and my father know that I was alright.
Yet deeply in my heart I did not want to go, I wanted to stay here with Stone, Lilee, and Tenga. And play sports, and laugh, eat, drink, be free, love, and be loved.
And I'm not saying my old life was miserable, but it just was not as good of a feeling as this was. I started to question whether this were more of an escape; or a life I only could wish for when I got back home, whenever that was.
"I want to tell you something." Grabbing my hand softly, I dazed out of my stare upon the beach sand, and laid them on Stone. He was slightly smiling, and so I did the same.
"Of course, you can tell me anything."
His smile soon faded, clenching his jaw tightly, he set down the bottle he had held tightly in his palm. "I've been lying to you." Before I could respond he countered his statement, "partially anyway. What I'm attempting to say is, Grant, something is bothering you. And I say I never question the good things, but lately I have, maybe it's because I'm afraid, like you're afraid.Our home, our lives before, yes it is something we have forbidden each other to discuss. But maybe it is time we should, the more I look at you, you seem pitiful, sad. Why are you sad? I'm not going anywhere!" His voice cracked with sentiment, changing my view to my palms. I closed my eyes. "I miss my mum too Grant, but the life she wants for me is one I cannot, one I refuse to be forced to live." Kneeling before me vulnerably he placed his hands on my knees, prying for my direct eye contact. Fighting this, I turned away. "You're closing yourself off more and more from me, I only wish to see you happy. But if you are ready to return back to the home you know, please, do not stay. Leave, if what I thought we had built for this life together is not enough. That being apart from the people you love is not for you, tell me. I'll take you, I'll take you wherever you want to g-"
"Stop! Stop talking."
Lifting myself from the rock I rushed myself away, far away, from Stone, and his tone of reality.
Leaving him kneeling, and his hands empty. But the longer I backed away from him, it looked as if he held both his heart and mine.
Within time he rose, nodding compliantly, he threw his hands in the air, and turned his back to me. "I would've left already if I wanted to! I would've left if I knew how! If I knew where to go, how to get there but I don't. My home is far away from here, so far, you practically don't exist there. I can't."