The Pain It Causes To Breathe You In || Solby ✔️

Dieciocho

He opened it. It opened with a tear. He pulled out the paper and unfolded it. He started reading the paper with colbys handwriting everywhere.

Sammy Baby,
Hi. you are asleep right now. I shouldn't be doing this. This is stupid but uhm. Theres too much to say Sam. And not nearly enough time to say it. I can barely talk. You are cute when you sleep. Did you know that? Your lips are slightly parted and your hand is tucked up under the pillow while the other is slightly touching my leg. This letter is gonna be everywhere. And im sorry. But i love you sam. You're right next to me and god i just wanna kiss you and hold you. Today is a one day i want to talk. And i might try. Just to make you proud. I like seeing the way your eyes light up when i tell you im breathing better. Or if i tell you i feel okay. To be honest im scared. Sammy im petrified. I dont wanna leave you. You and your horrible jokes and amazing laugh and blonde hair and bright blue eyes that light up everytime im around. Or your smile that brightens my day. I know everyone will be okay and forget me. But you. Sam i know you wont be okay. I know you wont be for a long time. I watched you when kat broke your heart. You're so fragile that it breaks me to leave you. And only leave a piece of me to you like this. I want you to be okay though. And you just woke up. Im back now. its later at night. i can't really see but the movie we just watched was good. j really like when you sleep. i can watch you for hours. not in a creepy way. in an admiring way. im tired and i cant see anything cause im crying. i'll write more later. Okay now its like a week later and im finally writing again because you're doing school work downstairs. though i wish you'd do it around me so i can watch your cute concentrating face. i know you get too distracted easily. plus it gives me time to write this. i know we still have what feels like so little time left but we have so much time left. we have the rest of my life. while thats a little time i wanna spend it with you. i want to spend the rest of my life with you and while i have no idea how long that is i do know that youre the only person i can imagine spending my days with however long. this is getting sappy. really fucking sappy but i just dont want you to forget me like i know everyone else will. okay i hear you coming upstairs please pause. okay you went back downstairs. you came up here just to give me a kiss. it was cute. oh! do you remember the first day we met? it was in class and you stood up to brennen? i know you remember. and even if you wont in years to come. i will always remember because that was the day i thought i was going to die of pain. and as soon as your hand touched mine i felt safe and reassured. it was the day i fell in love with you. though i never knew it until a few years later. do you remember the day i first showed you my drawings? i was so nervous. i thought you would have made fun of me. but you just sat in awe. i drew our friends. i drew you. i drew my puppies. god i'll miss my babies. make sure foxy and koki are okay. please. i need them to be okay no matter how old theyre getting. sam theres not enough time to say everything. theres not even enough time to write everything. theres too much to say. and not enough words to write it. and not enough breath to say it. but i need you to be okay. if you can promise me one thing. its that you live to be happy. you love again if that's what makes you happy. move to LA like you wanted to. start a youtube channel. do whatever you need to do to move on and be happy. im always gonna be with you. im always gonna watch over you. i know you hate talking about it. i know it hurts you and im so sorry this is happening. but i love you. everything about you. your name. your eyes. your beautiful blonde hair. your small hands. the way youre just a few inches shorter than me. the way your face looks underneath the street lights of kansas. or the moonlight at our spot. i love the way your hand fits in mine. i love how your nervous habit is the exact same as mine. i love you. your kind soul. your big heart. your sensitivity. everything sam. you make me feel something ive not felt since since before brennen. you make me feel free. like i can be who i wanna be. please. never forget me my love. and promise me Samuel John Golbach. promise me you'll live your best life. because i know ive lived mine. i can't wait to hear your stories. what you did. but not yet. not now. not soon. you're my forever. i love you sam. forever and always.
-Colby
p.s. i was the one who broke the tv not jake. whoopsies.

sam laughed at that. he was sobbing and a mess but he smiled. he closed his eyes and folded the paper slipping it back into the book. he grabbed colby's favorite blanket and walked downstairs.
Katrina "are you okay sammy?"
Sam "no. im not. not at all. but i will be."
he grabbed his necklace and smiled lightly. jo hugged him and pulled both onto the couch. they both laughed once they tumbled to the floor. the group talked about theyre moments with colby. everyone loved the brunette. nobody loved him as much as sam though. they all had fun and just talked about colby as much as possible.