But since we're going to die here

Do I look okay to you kid?

(A/N): Two days later. They came back from their mission and Levi has stayed in his room since then.

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*Knock. Knock*

"What is it?" Levi asks from across the door.

"It's me, Eren. Can I come in?"

He sighs from the other side.

"Yes."

As I push the door open, I notice Levi standing in front of his desk. I'm facing his back and all his muscles seems tense under his white button up shirt. Piles of documents are spread everywhere I look around and I can't help but wonder how this happened since he is usually such a clean freak.

"Are you okay?" I dare to ask.

His head rolls a bit further down as if he was focusing on something very important on the desk. His hands grip each side of the worktable as if he was about to throw it across the room in a sudden burst of anger.

"Do I look okay to you kid?"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing that concerns you." He says defensively.

Deciding to ignore his famous condescending tone, I speak:

"Fine. Then I think we need to talk."

"I'm in no mood for little talk but go ahead. Speak."

Suddenly I'm a bit nervous. He is so different now. How can we talk about this if he's in that kind of mood. Should I even try? I mean, I'm not very good with words either. I usually just yell at people. Turns out I'm actually a bit like he is. I'll give it a shot anyways and we'll see what happens.

"I was thinking we could talk about what happened in the forest two days ago, you've been ignoring me since then and I thought you needed space so I didn't bother you but I need answers."

"Don't we all? And as far as I'm concerned, nothing happened two days ago. We went on a mission and came back alive. That is all."

The pain in my chest is unbearable. I turn around and open the door. Then, as soon as I do, I frown and close it again to go back to my initial spot. I'm angry to say the least.

"What the hell is wrong with you? We need to talk about this!"

He scoffs and slightly turns his head to gaze at me. Then he turns back before answering:

"So tell me. What do you want to talk about Brat. Is it our age difference? Is it the so called-love for me that you need to proclaim? Is it the fact that you can't handle the feelings you are having for a boy? I owe you nothing, little shit, not even answers."

I stare at him blankly and mutter:

"How...How can you be so mean? How could I ever look at you as a Hero? How did I not see how awful of a person you are? All I wanted to know... was what we were, what this was. I lost everything besides my friends. You gave me a hint of a love that I couldn't dream of, couldn't ever hope for. And then you take it all back. You're ripping my heart out."

I turn around, completely shaken and grab the door handle when he calls:

"Eren! ... Wait."

Still facing the desk, he turns his head to look at me and once again drops his gaze on the desk.

"I don't know what to tell you. I...I feel guilty."

I'm surprised to hear that. I take a step back inside and move forward, closer to him.

"Guilty? Why?"

"Petra." He murmurs.

He then turns around, holding a photo of the Levi Squad, the brave souls who perished while fighting the female titan. In the center, Petra holds Levi by the shoulders in a friendly hug. He lets the photo fall to the ground over some other documents. The top of his face is covered by his hair and all I see is the little droplet at the corner of his eye that reflects light. His shadowed face is hiding someone who is trying to keep it together. Someone who has already tried for too long to hold it together. Then, before I say anything, he continues:

"I wish I could tell you what you need to hear Brat, but I'm not sure I can. You said you lost everything, but don't you dare think I didn't lose anyone. I lived in the undergrounds. I lost my family, my whole life to become this man that you see. And I loved her so much. I never told her because I was too scared of losing her too. Just like I lost my family once. I promised myself I'd never let such a thing happen again back then. Even if I tried every day to keep her, Petra, away from the dangers around us, she still got killed. I hated myself for not saying it out loud. I hated myself for being so stubborn, so scared. I hated myself at one point because I started loving you more than I loved her. I couldn't be like that, I couldn't feel like that. I was not prepared for ever feeling like that for a boy. A stupid boy who is half my age and puts everyone's life at risk every damn day of his life. Humanity's last hope my ass!"

He smirks and then pulls his cravat up to cover the teardrops that manage to fall past the border of his beautiful eyes.

"Can I say something, Sir?"

He seems hurt by me calling him that way but what else did he expect? He nods, recovering his usual pissed off glare.

"I get where you are coming from, Levi."

I pause to see his reaction but this time he has none. At least he didn't protest at me calling him by his name, which I prefer because it means I'm getting somewhere with this.

"But, I think there is no shame in loving who you want to love. The past years, I've been focusing exclusively on training, vengeance and killing titans. During that time I admit I felt some things for Mikasa but never enough to be clearly something called love. I assume it was friendship mistaken for love. I wanted to protect her so much. I will never be with her because I never felt the way I felt when YOU kissed me. It's the first time in my life that I had another goal. A reason to live. Not to survive, but to live. I was as surprised as you were. I didn't think boys could be my type either. But you kissed me and now I feel different. Why is it that you can't love a person, just a person? Not a gender, a size, an age? I realized I loved you, Levi. And I probably did for a long time but didn't realize it until just now. And my friends will understand. Mikasa will never have me and she will learn to live with it one day. But for that, you need to accept how you feel for me, so that she understands that I was never hers in first place. If you do feel the way you seemed to feel about me. You just need to say it. That's all I'm asking. I'm asking you if I still have a reason to live?"

He remains completely still for a moment and stares into my eyes, searching for the words he doesn't have the courage to say. Instead, he lets go of the desk and rushes in my arms, hitting my chest really hard and pressing his head close to my heart. I stumble but manage to get my balance back before we both fall. My heart explodes in millions of pieces. Relief fills my veins, flowing everywhere inside me. A smile grows wide on my face. I tentatively put my hand in his hair but he cocks his head up and narrows his eyebrows.

NOTE TO SELF: DO NOT TOUCH HAIR.

Then, he places his head back to where it was before muttering:

"Just hold me, idiot! Leave that hand of yours there and don't ever remove it again."

NOTE TO SELF: LIKES HAND IN HAIR.

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(A/N): Did you like that one?