smultronställe

VII.

"He's disgusted by me."

The words fall from your lips far too easily, almost as if they're being dragged out of you in such a way that you can't keep the thought to yourself. Gravity brings them to Earth. Renjun shakes his head vehemently at your declaration, and though he keeps his eyes on the road - he hadn't bothered to park - as he pulls away from Jaemin's house, the street lamps illuminate his face enough for you to see that his expression is one of barely subdued rage. Once he's sure of where he's going, your best friend reaches his free hand over, offering you the life line you so desperately need.

"He's an idiot," Renjun finally passes judgment, tone as hard as his palm is soft. His thumb runs idle circles against wherever it can reach on the back of your hand. "A complete asshat. You deserve better."

"I haven't even told you what happened yet." You can't help the incredulous giggle, choked off at the end by a sob you can't push back, that you let out at Renjun's protectiveness. He visibly rolls his eyes at this, though the way he squeezes your hand lets you know that he isn't annoyed at you, only amused at your statement.

"The dumbass made you cry, forcing me to pick you up at 1 in the morning. Whatever he did is irredeemable. Besides, I'm always ready to kick an ass, especially for the people who are important to me."

"Irredeemable because you had to drive out or irredeemable because I'm crying?" Even as your face is awash with tears, you can't help but tease your best friend. The humor helps you cope with... with what, you aren't quite sure. You don't actually know why Jaemin had done what he had done, but it can't bode well for how he perceives you.

"Don't pretend like I don't care about you," Renjun mutters out, focused on merging onto the highway. "Now, spill. Unless you don't want to, of course."

"Who else would I tell but you?" You ask, though you know that he knows that he's your person, and you're his person, no matter what happens or who happens. Renjun says nothing, only darting his eyes over at you expectantly for a millisecond before focusing back on the road. All you can do is sigh before looking out the window, tears streaming down your face. You've been in this position before, you remember.

Jaemin had been by your side then.

"He- well, we got mildly drunk. I might still be kind of drunk, actually- " You start, a shuddering sigh interrupting your statement. Renjun lets go of your hand for a moment, giving you one of the water bottles in his cup holder before intertwining his fingers with yours once more The gulp of water you take is large enough to force you to calm yourself if only for an instant, and you continue. "We got drunk and we- he- he fingered me."

"He- I'll kill him, that bastard -" Renjun's eyes burn, and you realize what he's mistakenly gleaned from your statement by the way he squeezes your hand tightly.

"Consensually!" You interrupt, realizing the way you've accidentally depicted Jaemin. "I said yes, that... that wasn't why I called. He hurt me, but I firmly believe that he's still a good man. He fingered me and then kicked me out right after, that's what happened. That's why I'm here right now."

"And here I thought you were in my car because you enjoy my company," Your best friend responds on instinct, only to continue speaking right after. "Sorry, my mind is on overdrive. He's still a bastard - did Jaemin... did he explain anything?"

"No," You sigh out, taking another, smaller sip of water between words. "He fingered me, and we made out, and it seemed fine... but right after I- well, after I... yeah. He washed me off of his fingers in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave. Tacked a please on afterwards, so maybe he felt a little bad, but... yeah. Yeah."