Second Year

the way it is

6.

The Way It Is

💜

Sam

"Go on in, now."

I nod with a word of thanks to the guard. I walk into the small, dark room and walk over to the glass window with a phone on the wall beside it. I didn't know this was still the way things went in prisons, but oh well. After a few moments occupied by me messing around with my fingers, the dirty bastard appears at the other side of the window with a disgusting smile on his face. I stare back with a look as cold as his is evil, and pick up the black phone on the side of the wall.

"Look what the cat dragged in.", he practically snarls.

"Shut up, you moron."

"Hey, man. You're the one who wanted to see me, not you."

I glare at him. "It's small, isn't it?"

"I dunno, ask your sister."

"You dirty bastard."

He smirks disgustingly. "Anyways, Samuel Casey, why are you here?"

"Well, as much as I hate everything about you and would very much like to kill you, I just thought you should know that your twin is in my sisters class."

His eyes widen. "Deadass?"

"Yep. I feel bad for her, how upset she is that she has to go into school every morning with the shame that she's related to you, the whispers the poor girl has to hear. She despises you. Any sane person would, really."

He sighs. "She's okay though, right?"

"As okay as she can be, I suppose, with the whole school talking dirt because of her evil twin and her only friend being the girl her brother raped.", I speak coldly, wanting him to feel as bad as I can. 

I'd do anything to make him hurt like he made Skye hurt, maybe even more. But I'm not like that. I'm too kind to be like that.

He goes silent at the other side of the glass, hanging his head down and sighing into the phone a few moments later, "I've really fucked up, haven't I?"

"Uh, yeah, no shit. And don't pull that shit with me. This ain't 13 Reasons Why, I'm not forgiving or feeling guilty for a fucking rapist, especially the one who raped my sister."

"Stop calling me that!", he yells, banging his fist against the ledge, making me slightly jump.

"What should I call you then?!"

"A guy who simply had a fucking crush, or my name, that's a first!"

I scoff. "A crush!? I've had crushes alright, you won't believe the effects my fiancé and Hillary Swank have on me. But have I ever raped someone? Have I ever put a knife to their fucking throat? Have I ever shot dead my mother and counselor?"

He freezes for a moment, before an evil smirk spreads across his face. "I guess people with the XY chromosome truly are sick in the head, I kill and rape people, and you think you're a lassy. Biology is a funny thing."

I hum. "By any chance are you only attracted to girls with XX chromosomes?"

"Yeah, duh."

"So, you like trans men? That's a little gay, don't ya think?"

When he doesn't reply, I snort. "Biology is more complex than you think, sicko. Me transitioning to be the woman I am, that's backed up by everything. What you do, that can only be explained as pure insanity."

He takes another breath, but no anger present like the last time. "I'm sorry."

I laugh. "Yeah, I bet. I'm not the person who should be saying that shit to-"

"Just, listen. I'm aware of how fucked up I am, I'm not expecting any forgiveness from anyone I've hurt and especially not from the families of the people I've killed. But I didn't choose to do that. He told me to."

"Who's He?" I want to laugh, but I think he's being serious. "Is it the devil or something?"

"No, I'm not a Satanist. It's this thing in my head, telling me to do all this crap and say all these things. It's basically intrusive thoughts, but amplified. Before He started talking to me, I still liked Skye, but I wasn't intending to act on it. I never wanted to hurt her, but I know I did and I'll honestly hate her if she ever forgave me for that. But Sam, you gotta save her."

I stare at him in disbelief. "What?"

"This voice I have in my head, I know she has something like it too. I know all the signs, all the movements, all the muttering. Now, I don't think She affects Skye as much as He affects me. I don't think She tells her to rape or kill or anything, it's not in Skye."

"Oh, my God. It isn't in Skye to rape anyone? It's also a shocker that water is wet.", I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes.

"Shush. Anyways, the thing I have, it acts on the worst parts about me and amplifies them up to the last. I liked someone and He made me do something horrible due to the fact that she would never like me back. I always had some tough feelings towards my mother and I was pissed at being forced to talk to a counsellor who probably went somewhere and told someone after the fact. i mean, he did, that's how I ended up in so many rehabs and mental institutions. Without Him though, I never would've gone as far as to murder them. Obviously. it isn't an excuse. I still hurt your sister and I still pulled the trigger. That's on me. But I wouldn't wish doing any of that on my worst enemy. I can tell Skye has a voice too that amplifies on the dark things in her, maybe not to the extent of mine, but we all have darkness in us. Others are better at suppressing it than others. These voices though, they're what brings out that darkness, and stronger than ever. The weaker the person is, in my case, and the weaker the person is made, in Skye's case, the stronger these voices become and eventually take us over. If anyone else was aware of Him and helped me, I would never have gone that far. But Skye, she still has time. She needs to be saved from this before something that's out of her hands and your hands and ye're mothers hands and everyones hands happens."

I gulp, having the feeling that he's actually being serious about this.

"Now, you can keep hating me and you don't need to see me ever again, and the last thing I want or expect from you or Skye is forgiveness. I just couldn't let you walk away without letting you know about this. But please, save that girl. Do whatever you have to. And make sure she isn't alone at any point. Not in a suicide watch way now, but these voices thrive in loneliness. It's breeding ground for them. That's all I'll leave you with. Goodbye, Samantha."

With that, he hangs up the phone, static sounding in my ears, and walks back to his cell.

💜