What I Couldn't Tell You | Bokuaka

Chapter 6

☆☆☆
It was bad.
Keiji couldn't concentrate. He often felt out of breath, his mind hazing at the edges, making it incredibly difficult to plan strategies. His muscles reacted slower too, complaining at the exhaustion that seeped through his bones. He had merely managed to avoid making many mistakes. Even so, he felt like in any given moment he would faint. Keiji vaguely entertained the idea of calling a time out and asking the coach to bench him but he discarded it almost immediately. He wanted to play. He wanted to be the one to give Bokuto the winning toss, but things weren't looking so bright on their side. They had managed to seize the first set but now the marker was 22 against 19. They weren't too far behind but Keiji didn't know how much longer he would last.
Suddenly a whistle blew, signaling a time out. The team gathered, he felt Bokuto's gaze burning holes into him and even before he opened his mouth Keiji knew what the ace was going to say.
"Coach, I think you should sit Akaashi for a while;" Bokuto suggested, turning to the other team members who all nodded in agreement.
"Bokuto-san I'm ok-"
"Nonsense Akaashi, you look one rally away from fainting on the court," he argued, his voice was stern, commanding even. Still, his eyes held the mellowness that Keiji loved so much.
"Bokuto's right Akaashi, you look exhausted," Komi said, patting Keiji's back.
The coach didn't question the decision, and so, Keiji was switched out with another setter. He sat on the bench and drank water to alleviate the irritation he felt on his throat. He watched as both teams played. Their opponent was strong, but Keiji was confident that they were going to win. Even if the lost the second set they could still go all out on the third.
As predicted, they lost the second set. Somewhere almost at the end, Keiji excused himself to go to the bathroom. He could feel the flowers gathering at the base of his throat and he didn't need to cause a scene with his disease. He kneeled in front of the toilet and let go. He coughed as much as he could and realized that the count had increased to seven, which meant he was close to starting to cough the whole flowers. It filled him with fear yet under the circumstances he was facing today, he didn't care. Making sure to flush the petals and rinse his mouth from the metallic taste of blood, he gathered his courage once more and walked back to the gym, and back onto the court, more determined to make every point count.
☆☆☆
They won. Keiji returned to play for the third set. It was a tight scoring but they managed to push forward. Victory tasted good on Keiji's mouth; a feeling different from the ones he had been experiencing lately. They all celebrated as they walked into the clubroom, shouting and jumping around.
Eventually, the buzz died down and one by one each teammate shuffled out of the clubroom to go back to their homes and rest. Keiji and Bokuto were the only ones left. Keiji's heart beat loudly in his ears. He pushed back all need to cough up petals because this was it, I've got to tell Bokuto-san. Bokuto's voice interrupted his train of thought.
"Akaashi, lately I've been seeing all these peony petals," he informed him, stressing his point by picking a small pink petal from the floor. Keiji stood frozen, unable to answer. Bokuto turned to him with a playful smirk, "did you tell someone about my favorite flower?"
"H-huh? Umm, no I-I haven't told anyone" Keiji stuttered clumsily, mentally scolding himself. Bokuto continued to stare at him in suspicion. Sweat gathered in his hands and suddenly the air in the room felt tense. However, it dissipated quickly when Bokuto shrugged. Keiji took that moment as an opening and called out for the other. "Umm Bokuto-san."
"What's up?" Bokuto asked, taking off his uniform so he could change into more comfortable clothing. Keiji avoided looking at the other boy in favor of keeping control of his thoughts.
"The reason why there are many petals is the same reason I need to talk to you now," Keiji explained. He too took off his uniform and changed trying to appear nonchalant.
"Oh yeah, what is it?" Bokuto inquired. Keiji heard his locker door shut and Bokuto's steps approach. A hand was set on his shoulder using it to spin him around and face Bokuto, "Are you okay?" concern seeped into his voice.
Only then Keiji realized he was shaking. He just shook his head.
"The truth is, I've been debating to tell you this for a while," Keiji started, avoiding eye contact. He looked down and fiddled his fingers, "but in the end, I thought it was better to come up with the truth."
"Akaashi you're scaring me," Bokuto stated, voice low and soft, trying to coax Keiji out of the walls he had been setting up the past week.
"I-" Keiji started, he cleared his throat and gulped, pushing down a wave of petals. He spoke up again, "I got the Hanahaki disease"
Keiji was met with silence. He didn't dare to look up to Bokuto's expression. He felt the hand on his shoulder tighten its hold.
"Who is it?" Bokuto's voice was so stern, it took Keiji by surprise. He looked up and was met with conflict in Bokuto's eyes.
"W-what?" he squawked.
"Tell me who is it," Bokuto repeated, "You also have to tell them Akaashi, if not you'll only get worse." Keiji scoffed, as if I didn't already know that. Despite it, he uttered a soft 'you'.
"Akaashi I can't hear you," Bokuto said now holding both of Keiji's shoulders.
"IT'S YOU!" Keiji exclaimed, pushing Bokuto away, he scrubbed his face with both hands, "Who else could it be?" he questioned.
He was once again met with silence, and now Keiji wasn't as confident of Bokuto's answer as he had previously been. He sneaked a look at the older boy and was met with an expression full of shock, a glint of guilt in his eyes. Keiji's stomach dropped.
"At least say something," Keiji demanded, leaning against the lockers for support. He started feeling nauseous.
"I- I'm sorry Akaashi," Bokuto stuttered out, flailing his hands around. He took a step towards Keiji who just flinched not caring if his hurt was written on his face. Bokuto halted in his tracks. "I... I don't feel the same, you're like a brother to me." He explained. Keiji shut his eyes, eyebrows drawn together in exasperation.
"B-but, the flowers, and this past week..." Keiji muttered in disbelief, more to himself than to the other boy. He had read it all wrong.
"I did it without thinking okay?" Bokuto defended himself, raising his hands.
Keiji just stood against the lockers, not meeting the third year's eyes.
"Look Akaashi, I think you should, umm, get the surgery," Bokuto said, raising a hand to scratch his head. Keiji could feel Bokuto's discomfort. It all made him feel worse. He coughed but stopped himself before he could spill all the petals in the room and worsen the situation. Still, one petal came out, gracefully landing on the floor, Bokuto stared at it with wide eyes. He turned back to look at Keiji, "I don't want you getting worse," he stated.
He knew it was a possible outcome, yet Keiji was confident that Bokuto felt something for him. Now he just felt ridiculous, and Bokuto's words only rubbed salt on the wound. Keiji wanted to laugh, he wanted to cry, scream and demand why didn't Bokuto like him back. But he did what he thought any good friend would do. He stood straight, gathered his things and started walking to the exit. He stopped by Bokuto's side and offered a small, sad smile.
"Thank you, Bokuto-san, I'll be sure to take it."
He didn't feel proud of lying, but by this point he didn't care. With that, he walked out of the clubroom, leaving the older boy behind.
He didn't speak to Bokuto the whole weekend.