Always In My Heart, @HarryStyles

twelve

HARRY

I heard the noises around me and it felt weird. I couldn't see anything, but I could feel Louis's hand touching mine, I heard his sweet voice as he sang to me, I heard his sobs. I could hear the shuffling of materials around the room.

The beeping of the machines was the loudest sound, echoing out around me like it was the only thing that mattered. I guess for a little it was the only thing that mattered, the only thing keeping me alive. Now I was alive, I knew I was, but I couldn't open my eyes, or move.

Was this a coma? Was I actually just ascending above my body, watching from above? Was I dead? Was this all some stupid dream?

I asked myself so many questions as I sat there silently, never moving. What had happened to me? The doctors kept throwing around the word suicide. He told my mom I had tried to kill myself. Mentally, I cringed at the thought, knowing that wasn't what happened. I was just sad, and anxious, and I missed Louis. That was all. The glass on the floor was an accident, it had just happened to be there. I kept telling myself, like that would make it ok.

Finally, after what felt like days that was probably actually hours, my eyes opened slightly into slits. I could see Louis now, the handsome boy he was. He usually had a calm look stuck to his face, but not now. Now he looked distressed, sad even.

His hand was pinching his temple, and he was looking at the ground, his other arm clasped around himself, as if he was holding himself upright. He sighed as the doctor spoke to him, keeping his eyes glued to the ground.

"Mr. Tomlinson," the doctor said, and Louis cringed. He hated being called that. He preferred Louis, or Lou from me, never Mr. Tomlinson. It made him feel like an adult, which he hated being. I wanted to laugh but I couldn't bring myself to, it wasn't the time.

"We will start Harry on meds, as soon as possible. Probably an antidepressant, and maybe some pain killers for his cuts." Louis nodded as he spoke, and I could tell he was taking mental notes. I was surprised he hadn't pulled out a notepad and pen.

"Ok. How would this affect his mood? We're supposed to leave for the tour..." Louis' voice trailed off. The doctor nodded. "I spoke to... Caroline? Is it Caroline?" Louis nodded, giving him the signal to continue. "She told me about that. Gave me a call. I think he'll be fine," motioning to me, then Louis cut him off.

"I'm sorry, you THINK he will be fine?" Are you crazy?!" Louis' voice started to rise, and his hands were balled into fists now. "Mr. Tomlinson-"

"Louis." Lou corrected, interrupting him. "Louis," he went on. "This isn't really up to me. I'm clearing Harry today and putting him on medication. I can't decide if he can go, it's up to Caroline really." Louis shook his head.

"Up to Carol?! Are you kidding? This is up to Harry. And if he's not awake or able to decide, it's up to me." He pointed to himself as he said that, and it gave me a weird sense of comfort.

Relief washed over me as I watched him stand there, anger and sadness in his eyes, but I knew, no matter how angry and sad he got, he would always protect me.

"Louis you have a contract." The doctor said, and Louis groaned. "Look, Louis, Mr. Tomlinson, whatever," the doctor said, obviously frazzled. "I'm not a lawyer. All I can tell you is that Harry is cleared to go. Now I have work to do. I'll let you know when the prescriptions are ready to pick up." Louis nodded and he left the room, leaving Louis and I alone.

It was time for me to wake up now, I decided, and so I opened my eyes fully. I groaned, my eyes not used to the bright light. Louis was by my side in seconds. "Hazza?"He said excitedly, using the nickname he gave me in the X Factor house.