Never Have I Ever: A PART TWO: I LET YOU SLIP THROUGH MY FINGERS

Chapter 7: Part 2

Fabiola studies a very vague Devi as she slips on some shoes, and puts a on a coat. She rubs her chin as she watches Devi then almost clumsily trip over on her own two feet, but manages to recover smoothly like nothing happened. Her mind seemed so absent, seemed quite distracted, and distant, and Fabiola couldnt help but be perplexed. She has been behaving somewhat perculiar since she's stepped into Eleanors apartment. And she really doesnt know what to make of it all, so she examines Devi some more. Eleanor, on the other hand, has quickly ducked out to the convience shop to pick up a couple of things before they were to head out today for an exciting fun day out with the girls. They were preparing to make today fun. Eleanor points out that it's absolutely necessary to first start the day off with a coffee at her favourite coffee shop, and hanging out there for a bit, before later exploring some of Manhattan city on foot, seeing some sights. And Fabiola had jotted down a few of her own sights she wanted to see. And this was all mostly because the girls knew Fabiola would need to be returning back to Boston in less than a week and return home and back to her work. For Fabiola, her holidays was tragically coming to an end, and she desparately just wanted to make the most of these final days with her friends before it's back to her normal normality of life, busily getting through the work days and working usually from nine to five. And she was going to miss her friends, knowing she wouldnt be able to do this again for at least a couple of months, so making timeless memories with her girls was absolutely essential for her before she left, and until she could make more on her next trip. And being the friend she is, she's picked up on Devi's somewhat strange behavior and she's not going to let it slip. For starters, Devi is wearing the wrong shoes and wrong coat, and she's had this very vague expression since she's walked through that door. Devi was not ok, and she could tell. And she needed to know why. So she clears her throat to gain her attention while Devi is doing the buttons on the coat.
"Devi." She says softly, and Devi's gaze shoots up to look at her. Fabiola quirks an eyebrow and gives her a little smile. "That's my coat, and those are Eleanor shoes." She says, tilting her head at her, her smile widening. Devi freezes, and looks confused.
"Oh. Your right. Sorry, my bad." She nervously chuckles. Fabiola's eyes then narrow on her, and she instantly knows Devi will try to hide and cover her actual feelings, masking it under a smile. So she knows she'll need to draw it out of her.
"Devi. Come on, spit it out." She drawls, feeling the weight of a protest coming on. Devi frowns at her, confused. And so Fabiola sighs deeply. "I know something's wrong. What's going on? You can tell me."
Devi instantly stiffens, feeling her heart race alittle. But she tries to cover it, as Fabiola predicted, and scoffs. Her eyebrows furrow as she lowers her gaze away from Fabs, and then she nervously shrugs.
"Pfft, nothing. Why would you say that? Why would you think there is something wrong?" She snorts, nervously fidgeting with the helm of her sleeve.
Fabiola purses her lips, thinking Devi couldn't possibly think Fab was going to let up so quickly, and let her roam around the city like a headless chicken all day.
"Devi. What's going on?" She pushes, eyes focused.
Devi looks up, and sees Fabiola's eyes narrowed on her, and she instantly knows she's not going to let up on this. Devi rolls her eyes hard to the back of her head, and lets out a groan, starting to feel frustration seep in.
"Nothing Fab. Where is Eleanor so we can just get going." She says frustratedly, clenching her jaw. But Fab holds her gaze on Devi, eyes still narrowed and focused.
"Devi. I don't think I can enjoy today knowing something is wrong with my friend. Plus your a walking hazard! I dont have the reflexes of spiderman to save you each time you trip today."
Devi stares at Fabiola, thinking, eyes darting her up and down, feet dug down sturbbonly. But then slowly her stubborness crumbles, when she realises her friend is right, and that Fab just wanted the best for her. Even though Devi seriously wants to avoid this conversation, she frustratedly lets in, and sighs. She flops down into a chair in surrender. She purses her lips as she sits there thinking, nervously wrings her wrists. And she's finding it hard to get the words out, so she takes in a deep breath to calm herself before she does eventually.
"Ok. Ahh, Ben... Ahh said something last night that I can't stop thinking about." She says, looking down at her hands, rubbing them together.
Fabiola suddenly shifts, then walks over and takes a seat next to her, leaning over attentively. Devi brings her eyes to meet Fabiolas' for a few seconds, then casts them away again. "He said... He said he loves me." She breathes out, feeling her heart heavy and her body tighten. Fabiola's eyes widen. And she reaches for Devi's hand, taking it, to let her know she's there to listen.
"And your feeling scared? Why?"
Devi feels it hard to breathe.
"Umm. After we broke up... I've kind of built up these walls to protect myself... you know, from falling for him again. Close him off. From breaking every part of me. But his breaking them down so quickly, it's terrifying me." She says, her voice slightly shaky. "And I know he makes me feel... I dont know... so lost." She pauses to breath, feeling something welling up in her throat, and so she clears it letting out a small cough."Ok, maybe not just lost, but more. Alot more. I feel alive with him. And that's what scares me. How long it will last before I fall for him so... so hard that when we... we break again..." she stops again, pulling away from Fab and wringing her wrists harder as she looks down at them. Then she suddenly gazes up at her. "His going to break me, Fab. Not just break me, he will shatter me. Destroy every part of me."
Fab watches her confused.
"Your worried of breaking up? Why? You obviously love him and he loves you?"
Devi shoots her a glare, her heart racing fast in her chest it feels it may rip out.
"I didn't say I love him!" She snaps. And Fabiola jolts at her sudden change. But she reaches and takes hold of her hand again, giving it a tight squeeze.
"I think you do, Devi." She says softly. Devi swallows and feels a wave come over her, and it's consuming, and she feels it hard to breathe. No she doesn't, she tries to convince herself. No she doesn't! Then why does she feel her eyes welling up, and her body crumbling apart at those words. She wipes a hand over her eyes, then winces. Fabiola reaches for a tissue and hands it to her.
"I can't fall for him. Not again, Fab." She breathes, feeling her lungs shake as she does. Her hands tremble in Fabiolas'. Fabiola squeezes them tightly, and just sits there and listens. "I can't Fab. I mean, I'm going back to Los Angeles in a couple of weeks. His work is here, his home his here. If we couldn't make it together being a few hours drive away while I was in Princeston and he was in Harvard, how will it work for us being on the complete other side of the country?"
Fabiola sighed deeply, eyes flickering over her as she thinks. Then she just simply gives her a little smile.
"Devi. You can make it happen. Other people do all the time."
"I'm not other people. Ben and I have gone through this before and it will happen again. And... I let it happen again!" She cries, getting up suddenly, feeling a painful burning through her veins. She paces frustratedly up and down, hand rubbing her forehead. And the tears start to come up and she wants to lock herself in a room and let her body just do what it needs to rip the burning torture out of her. Fabiola can tell her body wants to fall apart, and so she gets up and walks over to her, wrapping her arms around Devi to hold her together.
"Devi. You will be ok. You guys will figure out something."
Fabiola arms around her felt so comforting, so calming on her body, but she could still feel the slight linger of her pulse tingling with an ache that made her long for Fab to hold her tighter. Devi's lips quiver and she doesnt have the courage to look Fabiola in the eyes.
"What have I done, Fab?" She whispers. "I have dug myself a big stupid hole and buried myself in it."
Fabiola sighs pressing her head to Devi's hair, and then resting on it. She pats Devi's arm.
"Devi, Devi, Devi. You worry too much. No you haven't. Your going to be fine."
Devi groans and rolls her eyes at her.
"Fab, how would you know that?" She grumbles.
"Because I just do. And because you have brilliant friends such as myself and Eleanor who will support you." Fab replies a tad smug, but teasingly so.
Devi pouts at her, and then laughs a short wet laugh. She wraps her arms around Fabiola, squeezing her so tight she feels she may crush her to bits.
"You guys are brilliant. And I don't deserve you both."
Fabiola smirks at her.
"Well, I am kind of the amazing aren't I?" She teases, and then laughing too. And then the front door opens and Eleanor walks through and she instantly notices that Fabiola is hugging an emotional Devi as though she is her life line, and she widens her stance, hands on hips.
"What did I miss?" She questions, tilting her head at them.
But even after this conversation with Fabiola, Devi is still confused, feels like she wants to hide from him until she gets her head straight. Maybe she is choking on her fears, and she doesnt know how she will handle it. She somewhat feels panicked. But she still manages to enjoy her day out with her friends.