All Fun and Games Until... (Ben Solo/Kylo Ren)

Chapter 26: Ignorance Is Bliss

Ben Solo was in fact, not okay

His mind went into an override, the intensity of his enlightenment struck his whole mind and body with lightning and he was unable to sleep it out.

He waited for the magic of the tea to knock Diana out before climbing out of bed. He needed to unscramble his thoughts. And he needed to do it far away from her because the coconut scent of her hair averts his mind from doing so.

With cold bare feet, Ben padded down the stairs. He knew he wouldn't and couldn't sleep with the realization he just had playing inside his mind. He poured himself three fingers worth of single malt scotch in a crystal decanter glass. Maybe this will do the trick.

He made his way back upstairs, taking the opposite direction of his  bedroom. Lights are unnecesary for him to find his way to the office, he could just follow the sleepless lights of Seattle already waiting for him in the room.

He didn't even say it to spell it out in his head when it occurred to him hours ago. And there are two entirely different reasons for that:

1. Maybe if he didn't say or fully admit it to himself, there's a small chance that he can still go back to wherever he was before.

or

 2. Maybe he didn't say it because it's so powerful that it couldn't be converted into words.

It's like choosing which way to die: poison or knife

The first sip of his whiskey slipped across his tongue. Giving his throat a good and long burn. That's some fine whiskey , he titled his head to the side. Turning the glass to stare at it for a second. "Just you and me for now", he whispered. Watching how the amber liquor glistened behind the intricately cut crystal.

Ben Solo didn't know where to start. To where to think first. It's a new sovereign for him, that feeling. It made him completely defenseless in that moment, he felt seen. And it absolutely terrified the living hell out of him. Because for the very first time, a girl made him vulnerable.

The thing is, she wasn't even trying to put him in that situation. They've been in that kind of scenario hundreds of times now. Just lounging. But in their most mundate situation, he found out that he loves Diana. No fireworks, no rain, no slow-motion. His heart just went: Oh and by the way, you love her. Then dipped.

Ben leaned back on his executive chair, sporting his patented scowl as he nursed his drink. His eyebrow insultingly raised as he stared at The Needle. Even if he untangled his dilemma, the idea is already planted inside his head. And it will just continue to branch out, claim its territory in his mind and anchor its roots.

Apparently romantic epiphanies are short-lived. The magic will wear out for a few minutes. Like a bad drug that would only give a broke college kid a good high in the beginning then drag the person to their longest and worst trip of their lifetime. 

He closed his eyes, chastising himself. Perhaps for him, it's short-lived because it wasn't in the plan. They have their each others words about what they are: sexually deprived, first-year surgical interns who just fuck each other hard in their free time. 

Ben couldn't help to roll his eyes and throw his head back in annoyance at his own thought. Because deep, deep inside his subconscious, he knew that he entered their agreement with something already building up in him. And now, that build up that he completely disregarded grew into something strong and inevitable. It's not politely knocking at his door anymore, it cleanly punched it down. Leaving him to confront and stare at it face-to-face.