Pushed Aside

Heartbreak and Decisions 

Zay's POV

Ever since Elliot left yesterday to go to his own apartment, my anxiety has been through the roof.

I'm scared that his girlfriend, or whatever he sees her as is going to come home and place my man under her coochie spell and everything that I have worked so hard to get him to do is just going to be gone.

All my effort wasted.

I'm sitting on the floor of my room with my back against my dresser, facing the large windows behind my bed as I sip some hot coffee. My parents tried to call me a few times today, but I didn't answer, not ready to talk to them when I have all of this going on.

Where the fuck is Elliot?

It's four o'clock and he's still not back and the longer he's gone, the more scenarios begin to play in my mind.

I know I'm the one that told him to pick her up and talk to her, but I'm starting to think that maybe the was a mistake. What if he's giving her the pipe of the Gods thats supposed to be mine now? What if now that she's here, he doesn't want or need me anymore?

The thought makes me sick to my stomach as I think about him not wanting me anymore.

When he and I first met, I was so excited. He seemed so perfect. His deep chocolate eyes and his crooked smile that made my stomach pool with arousal and happiness.

All my life when I dreamed of finding my soulmate, I thought it would be easy. I thought when you met you're supposed to love each other and the only thing left to do it get to know each other and find out why you live that person. That is what was supposed to happen but of course the one time I want to be blessed I'm not and I get Elliot.

He's hot and he's kind and he's funny, but he's also a human that continues to fuck up even when the answers are handed to him.

He told me that he wants me and that he doesn't regret meeting me, but how am I supposed to know that those words are true and that he won't leave me at the drop of a hat when that girl of his comes begging and whining for him? How do I know that he can grow to love me and he's not just here because I'm giving him a way into a new sexuality that he would have never even touched without me?

I don't.

I don't know anything.

Which is the scariest part.

The absence of knowledge leads to your brain trying to fill in the blanks right or wrong. And as I sit in this floor, looking at the sky as it gets darker and darker, I can help but think that's the thoughts that are swirling around my head are going to be more true than I want them to be.

Just as tears are about to fall down my cheeks, I jump when I hear the sound of the front door opening and closing shut. I quickly get off of the floor and walk towards my bedroom door. I walk out into the hallway and towards the living room where I find Elliot taking off his jacket and shoes lazily.

"Hi." I tell him, my nerves making my hands wrong together. In all my scenarios in my head, not one of them ended up with him back here.

"Hey, Zay." He greets me but his voice sounds tired. I frown a little not liking how empty and sad it sounds and I walk towards him until I get a whiff of Raspberries and Roses. That's not how Elliot is supposed to smell. I stop in my tracks as I just stare at him.

He turns towards me and goes to give me a hug but I keep backing up, my frown morphing into anger inside of me.

"What?" He asks me in confusion and I want to slap that look off of his face, hating the fact that he thinks he can just keep fucking playing me after everything I've tried to do for him. I worked so hard to get us together and make us work and here he is, spitting in the face of all of that.

"How fucking dare you?" I ask him, my voice choked as I try to comprehend what's going on in my head.

"What the fuck did I do now?!" He asks, his tired voice getting an edge to it as he looks back at me, not moving from the spot he stopped at.

"Where were you?" I ask him, trying to control the emotions starting to rise in me as I think about the fact that he came back here smelling like another person, looking at me as if I'm the stupid one. As if I'm the one that fucked up.

"I went to the airport to get Courtney then took her home to talk to her like I promised." He tells me.

I stare at him, wanting it to be true, knowing that it could account for maybe a hint of the smell, but he smells too much like her for him to just have talked to her and the thought of him not just breaking his promise to me but lying about it as well has the hot tears flowing down my face, especially when I see the smear of red of his lips and I go off.

"Fuck you Elliot!" I scream as I walk towards him and push his chest, slapping him harder and harder as his arms try to come out to hold me and I slap them away as I choke down my sobs. "You fucking liar! You have lipstick on your lips, I'm not fucking stupid!"

"Zay, I swear..." Before he can even get the sentence out I smack him across the face as I cry and I point at the door before I continue to punch him towards it.

"Get out!" I scream as my legs threaten to get weak and I push on him, making me walk backward even if my hands on his chest get weaker and weaker.

He's standing at the door, looking at me with a frown, trying to open his mouth but I don't let him.

"Get the fuck out and don't fucking come back. Now!" I scream at him and he finally gets the damn message. He bends over to grab his shoes and throws his jacket over his shoulder before staring at me. He shakes his head before walking out of the door and closing it without trying to say another word to me.

And as soon as the door is shut, I find myself full of anger and regret as I throw a book at the door, my tears and sons echoing through the apartment as I fall to the floor and my heart cracks. I always thought it was funny that when a heart breaks, the whole world can't hear it. When it breaks there's no sound that rings forever in your ears.

But you can feel it.

You can feel it when someone breaks your heart and your chest hurts as you try to get yourself to breath again through your tears. And you just know in your heart, the one that's shattered now without a sound, that you don't want to keep going.

Fuck you Elliot.

I never want to fucking see you again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whew this is emotional. As I said, open mind. This next chapter will clear everything up. Filler chapter. Hope you still have your tissues.

Thoughts?

Comments?

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