come to my house /\ taekook ✔

《🍂》i remember

I think I fell asleep at like, maybe 5am? There was some serious planning to be done that night, of course, so I'm sure anyone would understand -even Jimin got it and helped me.

So on this beautiful Saturday I tried to take everything slow and smooth. I made breakfast for Jungkook, I asked him if he wants to take a walk in the park two blocs away from our house. He agreed but things were awkward..

Take the breakfast as an example:

"So uh" I cleared my throat. "How was your sleep?"

"Good" Jungkook mumbled and continued to eat his food.

"that's good"

"yeah"

And that silence was starting to get annoying. So after breakfast we both got changed and went to that park. And that silence? It can f*ck itself.

"Okay Jungkook" I said rather loud and saw him flinch. "What do you think about Jimin?"

"Jimin-hyung? Oh um he's a very good friend. He reminds me of my friend from high school Seungkwan haha" he chuckled but I saw the sadness that passed through his eyes when he said the name of that guy.

"Pfff Jimin is Satan in disguise" I said and he laughed. Finally.

"that's what best friends always say about each other"

"That might be true. Did you use to call your friends Satan or nicknames like this?"

"I uh... no, not really. I'm not the type to curse or be mean usually." he said and his shoulders dropped. I asked the wrong question haven't I?

"I can actually see that. You aren't picky at all and you don't curse. You're quite something else!" I said smiling.

"Oh I can be mean and curse when I want to! Don't underestimate me!" he looked up at me. there wasn't much of a height difference between us but he was shorter than me by an inch or two.

"Oh now I'm scared" I chuckled. I meant it as a joke but I haven't seen Jungkook angry until now...not that I want to see him angry, of course! But I really want to know more of him.

I was brought out from my thoughts when he suddenly pulled me after him and made me sit with him on a bench. I gave him a questioning look.

He sat next to me but with his back turned. "Do you remember when we first talked?" he asked and looked around, deep in thought.

I blinked. "That day on the street?" I asked.

He looked at me then he looked down at his feet. Was he... disappointed? Why?

"Actually, that was the second time we interacted." he said softly, almost like a whisper. Second time? How so?? The questions kept multiplying in my head by the second.

"You had just broken up with your girlfriend." he continued. "It was a few days after I got kicked out by my parents. You were sitting here and I took a seat next to you, just like how we are now. I just wanted to take a rest and think about my life but you were miserable."

At that point flashbacks were running through my head. Yes, that day I broke up with Ariadne. I was still questioning my sexuality at the time and I thought I was bisexual so I tried having a girlfriend. And Ariadne was sweet and understanding at first, until she saw me making out with some random guy.

~flashback~

It had been more than a year since Ariadne and I were together. I could see she was happy but I was slowly losing my happiness. I did like her. Hell, in the first few days I believe I actually loved her. But over time I got to know myself better. I came to understand my feelings better.

And it wasn't beneficial for Ariadne. When she saw me kissing that guy I could see her pain, her disappointment, her eyes losing their shine... That wasn't fair. I am an asshole, I admit it. I wanted to die right then and there because I made her feel like that.

I didn't love her, yes, but I still liked her as a dear friend and I wanted to end things in a good way. And that might not have been the best way to to that. After she ran away I knew I had no right to go after her. I knew what I was doing and I felt disgusting. I couldn't face her.

I went to the park, and sat on a random bench. Tears finally flooded my face and I started crying. I'd never felt so guilty in my entire life.

Then someone sat on the other side of the bench. I only saw his back. But at that point I didn't care about anything around me. I just had to let out what I've been holding.

"Hey stranger" my voice cracked a little bit. I sensed him tensing up for a second.

"yes?"

"Have you ever felt so disgusting you couldn't even look at yourself?"

There was a brief silence.

"..Yes, I have"

"How.. how do I get rid of this feeling? How do I get over it and move on, instead of thinking about it every day and feeling worthless?" I wasn't waiting for an answer. Hell, I didn't even want to get an answer.

"You don't." I widened my eyes and looked up at him. He was younger than me. His side profile was flawless. But I was still caught up with what he said.
"You... accept it. It was bad, yes. Was it your fault? Possibly. But most importantly, what would've happened if you hadn't done it?"

If I wouldn't have kissed that guy I would probably try to find a way to break up with Ariadne in good terms. But if I hadn't kissed him then I wouldn't have proof that I am fully gay and I would have no reason to break up with Ariadne without making her feel guilty and bad.

"For me, it was worth it." the stranger continued. "I didn't realize it at first, but if that made me accept myself then I don't need others' acceptance or to worry about it."

He was right. Maybe it was selfish, but it helped me know who I am. And if Ariadne hadn't tried to understand why I had done it, then so be it. Yes. I wiped my tears and stood up.

"Thank you. I owe you for this one."

~end of flashback~

And now I have paid my debt.

I turned and sat on the same side as Jungkook. I turned my head to look at him and caught him already looking at me. I smiled and looked in front of me.

"I remember...stranger"