One Time Thing [Wattys 2021 Shortlist] ✔️

Chapter 36: Neither...nor

XANDER

The punching bag in Zora's personal gym took in all of Xander's unresolved issues once more. He didn't stop the hitting until sweat reached his eyes and he had to wipe it off. Naively, he thought everything would make sense once he broke up with Annie. And it did, up to an extent. But everything regarding Mia was just as foggy as it used to be.

"I'm having a strange sense of Déjà vu." Zora murmured, appearing at the door to the gym.

"You look like shit, Z, go to sleep." Xander glanced at his sister, her bloodshot eyes mockingly stared at him.

"First of all, mean, second of all, I was just about to, when I heard you kicking the shit out of my punching bag." Zora frowned and collapsed onto the couch, drinking half of Xander's water bottle.

"I really don't think your punching bag minds." Xander wiped the sweat off his forehead and joined Zora on the couch.

"Are you having an existential crisis, again? Don't worry, thirties are the new twenties." Zora smiled widely.

"I'm twenty six and shut up." Xander grunted.

"Is it Mia? I thought it was very bold of you to introduce her to the She Devil and the Loyal Minion." Zora laughed at her own joke, she sounded sleep deprived.

"I knew mum would figure out she was there anyway. You know how she is. Introducing her was the wiser choice. Plus, they know it doesn't mean it's something serious." Xander shrugged his shoulders.

"So... it's nothing serious?" Zora asked, her questioning eyes searching Xander's face.

"I like her, I really, really like her. But... our situation is in no way a good foundation for a relationship. And honestly, do I even want to jump straight into another relationship? I haven't been single in three and a half years." All of Xander's worries poured right out, he was getting quite a bit better at expressing them.

"Mia probably feels the same way, you know? I mean, she hasn't even broken up for good with that pathetic shadow of a boyfriend." Zora murmured, her eyes closing against her will.

"When was the last time you slept?"

"Three days ago."

"You're insane."

"It runs in the family." Zora splashed some water on her face and opened her eyes abruptly, blinking at Xander. "Anyway, what are you worried about?"

"Everything. A part of me wants to just go with it, but another wishes I would just take some time to enjoy being single. Still, I'm afraid that I'll lose her if I let her go now." Xander blabbed immediately, a little proud of his ability to express his worries.

"Then say it to her like that. I'm sure she feels the same way. After all, you both got out of long relationships." Zora yawned.

"And what if it all simply disappears just like that? And it couldn't have been something great, but I gambled it away." Xander was certain in his feelings, but there was no way for him to see the future. He couldn't know what their relationship would eventually turn out to be. It might be an even bigger mess than being with Annie was.

"Ah, you can't know that. Just like you couldn't have known you would waste three years of your life on Annie. We all just take our chances based on how we feel. Some things work, others don't. It's important to know when's the time to walk away. And I believe you know that now." Zora shrugged her shoulders.

"My own personal wise grandpa." Xander smiled.

"Believe it or not, I made many mistakes in my young life." Zora smiled.

"Are you alright, Z?" Xander asked, realising that his sister's behaviour even stepped out of her usual norm.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Some teenage angst is kicking in, but other than that, I have nothing to complain about." Zora smiled gently, the toughness of her face dispersing, leaving his little sister bare in front of him.

"It's the 'I haven't slept in three days depression.'" Xander said.

"Most likely. I just have a feeling I have to take advantage of my youth because everyone grown up I see is miserable." Zora said.

"Even me?"

"You're not a grown-up, X. You still believe in the possibility of a good, satisfied life. I can't tell whether you're a genius or naive." Zora laughed hoarsely.

"Hey, Z, life doesn't have to be suffering, whatever others might try to convince you. It just doesn't. You choose the way you wanna live it. You're lucky enough to have a good head start, which is something not a lot of people have. So if anyone tells you that you have to do a job you hate or talk to people you don't like, tell them to go to hell and leave." Xander talked without even realising how Zora's eyes widened.

"They all say I'm gonna be just a glorified mechanic." Zora's eyelids lowered and a glint of tears appeared in the inner corners of her eyes. Xander couldn't help but laugh out loud.

"They told me you could never make money off your hobby." He shrugged his shoulders. "People tend to sabotage each other without any proper reason. Your life is going to be amazing, because you will choose your own path. You know the most important lesson, right?" Xander asked.

"Never give them your time. It's the most valuable thing you have." Zora nodded.

"It's the only thing you have."

"So, you're going to Europe alone? I half-thought you're going to invite Mia after all." Zora changed the subject, she was barely able to keep her eyes open.

"I'm going alone. Being away for three or four months would do good for me. And it would give us the proper distance, letting us enjoy being single." Xander knew it was the smartest thing to do. It would be pretty reckless to dive into this relationship and taking her to Europe would be just stupid.

"And what if you lose her?" Zora asked.

"Then, I'm gonna lose her. But we didn't start this properly and the least we can do is create a stronger foundation than shared trauma of cheating on our partners." Xander sighed. "Maybe that was all that it was good for, after all. To show us how unsatisfied we are, nothing more. Then, why does it hurt? Why does the thought of never ever seeing her again hurt?"

Xander glanced towards Zora, but she seemed to be in deep sleep. He smiled and covered her with a blanket near by.