Chess Pieces | MYG & Reader

If You Really Love Me

Your POV

Or so I had thought in that moment.

Yoongi POV

My senses take hold of me suddenly and the knife is in the air, on the way to Y/N. She looks at me with the saddest eyes ever. I throw the weapon away and the distinct metal clatter of it worries everyone downstairs. They're on scene immediately. I'm frozen with shock, fighting the impelling force in me to pick up the knife and use it against myself. I hate myself for what I was about to do.

"What's going on?", Taehyung shouts.

Y/N tidies herself up quickly. She has an unexplainable amount of hatred plaguing her eyes, and I know every ounce of it is meant for me. All the love and trust I built over this past year has fizzed away like potassium in water. And all because of my selfish wants of revenge. This is the impulse that our parents feel, hate and the need for vengeance for a past event no one any longer remembers the details of. It runs in our blood. I can't look at Y/N. I want to scream but the poison in her glare as seemed to take possession of my voice too. The boys stand around us, waiting for an expression. The look in her eyes fade away as quickly as it came and meltens.

Y/N clears her throat and looks to them, "It's ok. Yoongi just scared me a lot when he came in to the room unexpectedly. I dropped something out of shock.", she lies.

She looks at me, then the knife that had slid under the bed when I threw it and then back at me.

My voice suddenly drops out of the abyss, "I hate myself!", I scream hysterically.

Now the boys look all the more confused.

"What do you mean?", Hoseok questions.

Y/N bites her lip, "It's ok Yoongi, relax, it happens.", she plays along with her lie, or it seems as so.

"But... but...", I stammer.

"Shh.", she hugs me, "Yoongi, you really must be tired, don't stress so much."

"I think you guys should get some rest. We'll leave you two to it.", Jin smiles awkwardly and they all filter out of the room.

I follow them and they all go out and I slam the door on them.

The screaming begins again, "Why didn't you just tell them? I deserve to be hated!"

"Don't say that.", she sighs.

"Why are you not mad? Why are you not scared?", I'm frustrated by her cold expressionless façade.

"Scared or mad at what?"

"I almost killed you.", I look at her, does she really not understand?

"So what?"

"Y/N, I almost killed you.", I speak slowly, hoping some sense would enter her.

"But it doesn't matter.", she kisses me on the lips but I pull away.

"Y/N, do you not understand me? Do you really not understand?", I shout.

"I do understand. You finally get how I feel. I've hated myself forever for all the things I've done. And now you'll be hating yourself for what you've done. It's a humane action. But what you will struggle to understand is that people forgive, it's another humane action.", she says.

"I don't get it.", I mumble.

"You won't. Please Yoongi, I'm aware of what you were about to do. And also aware of what made you do that. I really thought it was the end for me but thank god you slipped in to consciousness in the nick of time. Here's what matters. What was about to happen, didn't happen."

"But that doesn't make my actions any less correct.", I say.

"Correct that is but what I've said, remains true whether it was done out of good or bad.", she smiles, "Let's go, this has been a long day."

I quietly follow her to the bedroom, I can't trust myself anymore. She goes under the bed, gets the knife out and goes downstairs and puts it back. All the while, I watch her calmly do everything as if nothing's ever happened. I change in to my pyjamas and she does as well.

"Come on, you're not going to stand there the whole night will you?", she laughs.

I slip in to the bed next to her, "Y/N, this is your way of making me feel bad, isn't it?"

"Don't think like that. It's far from the truth. Think about it and if you really love me, you'll wake up tomorrow morning and know that I'm right.", she hugs me and falls asleep on my chest.

But I don't. Sleep is somewhere else, an alternate universe impossible to reach. How can she be right? I'd like to believe her but I almost killed her and yet she's not the slightest bit sad, angry or scared. She's sleeping with who could have murdered her just an hour ago. I hate myself! I hate myself! I hate myself! Those words circulate in my head like a continuous chant until they don't seem like they're in my head anymore. Now they're fifty feet tall words ready to crush me.

"Sleep Yoongi, you have to rest.", Y/N murmurs as she moves positions and hugs me tighter, "Sleep."

And I close my eyes, feigning sleep, hoping that I'd be able to trick myself in to it but the words just keep on getting bigger and bigger.