Escapism Of The Lunatics

17 | Devotion

AURORA'S POINT OF VIEW

The collision of waves as they eroded the cliff soothed my nerves while I sat on the stone ledge in my dirtied wedding dress. The same place where Felix fell to his death.

Death.

Such a strange thing. I've embraced death so many times. Physically through pain. Mentally through my dreams. But I never became one with it. The smile I tried to keep on my chapped lips slowly slips off my face and instead a forlorn look takes it place. I feel weak, useless and stupid. I can't accept the idea that I might feel something towards Peter. Although it's not love, it's not hate either. Whatever I feel is on a thin line between wanting to hurt him and wanting to please him.

While I sat there, I clenched my eyes shut; my fingers desperately grasping the edge of the cliff. I realised with the clarity of a vision that something had permanently broken inside of me. Even though I didn't want to admit, I always had the silent hope that he would change. That under his cruel demeanour, there was some kindness... some humanity. For the first time, I had hope in someone. What a stupid mistake.

Maybe some people aren't meant for redemption. Maybe some people are just born and forever be monsters.

Hope is a funny thing. It can break you down so badly yet we all hold on to it so tightly. Why did he have to go down on one knee? Out of all things?

He's toying with you, that's why.

The ocean below me looked inviting. Almost too welcoming. I understood Felix's temptation to become part of it. And to kill the girl you loved must've been devastating. Why would Peter even let Wendy be imprisoned for so long, it would have been a waste of supplies and effort. Thomas even told me Peter doesn't even hesitate when he kills. I'd hate to say it, but killing her would be more merciful than trapping someone for more than a hundred years.

Only now the thought started to sink in: he is to blame for Wendy's death.

He could kill me too. To him, I would be like swatting a fly. That idea didn't help much. I stared at out where the sky meets the sea, my left hand gripped my right wrist and I clutched it to my chest, just to feel my heartbeat. I had to assure myself I was still alive.

"My little robin."

His voice still rang in my head. It was so real. It was almost as if he was right behind me.

"Robin." He was more adimant this time. Wait. That couldn't of been my imagination. I turn my head to see Peter, looking down at me. I tried to ignore his presence the best I could, but his stare burned right through my head as I looked out at sea. I felt more exposed than ever.

"What are you feeling?" Peter suddenly asked.

I turned my head to look at him. "What do you mean?"

"Anger, guilt, regret, fear? I'm just trying to understand." He looked at me with an empty expression on his face.

I felt weird about answering, it was almost like I was explaining what it meant to be human. To have emotions.

"All of the above," I finally said.

Peter didn't move an inch, I wasn't even sure he had heard me answering. He just kept standing there, with an empty look in his eyes.

"You know he wasn't your friend," Peter said. "I recall Felix hating you, if anything."

I was too tired to say something. He was right after all. Felix was dead, it was my fault he died and Felix... Felix just would've liked to see me burn. I know he's right. But it doesn't change a thing. He was still young. Too young.