Short Story Collection

Drunk Luck

A/N: So I googled a plot generator and it gave me the opening line, so here's what I came up with. This is one of my first times writing something humorous so it may not be great. Constructive criticism is appreciated.  

      So I suppose you want to ask me why I killed her. Honestly, I have no idea. I just felt like someone needed to do something to solve the problem. I'm still in shock. I knew someone needed to do something, but I didn't plan on killing her. It just happened.

      You see, I was drunk the other night. I was drunk because it was my bachelorette party. My friends and I went out to the small bar in town and I got a bit carried away. "A bit" is probably an understatement. Anyway, on the way home my friends and I heard sirens. Jenny, being the good driver she is, pulled to a stop in the far lane. Jenny never drinks so she volunteered to be our personal driver that night. Me, being the persuasive person I am, convinced her to follow the police cars. It took a while, but she eventually gave in.

     Turns out that following the cops led us to the middle of a bank robbery. I don't even remember getting out of the car, but apparently I did. I walked straight into the bank mumbling about money. I ended up as a hostage with the other people who happened to be there.

     Drunk me is brave, stupid, but brave. I had a gun pointed to my head and apparently I kept insulting the robber. I was told by the other people that were there that it was hard not to laugh. This lady had a gun to my head, and I made jokes. How smart.

     Once she got me seated, I would not shut up. Usually I'm the quiet one of my friend group, so this was pretty weird to hear. She had to put a gag in my mouth because a gun wasn't enough to get me to shut it.

     She had someone guarding us so she didn't think to tie my hands. I was drunk too so she probably underestimated me.

     Once the phone on the desk rang, she started to list demands. The guard went over to make demades too, so we were left unguarded and I was the only one with free hands.

     So, naturally, I got up, picked up an office chair that was at a desk, and hit both the robber and the guard over the head with it. This was one of those expensive chairs with metal legs and padded seats.

     I hit them in just the right spot too. All the other hostages gasped. I tried to yell, but I still had the gag in.

     After that, I didn't even see if they were dead, but that's what I was told. I just walked straight out of the building. I almost got shot actually. I was smart enough to put my hands up though. My friends came running over to me and talked me in hugs. I wasn't even gone that long.

     Anyway, that was my bachelorette party. Just a normal Friday night for me, what did you do?