My Future: Chihayafuru

Ch1: My future without karuta

Chihaya's POV

I stared down at a blank page, with a single line asking me to describe my plans for the future. Be specific, the prompt said. Future career. Future housing plans. Future relationships. Financial goals. Why did it have to be so ...personal? Stupid senior career class.

There was only one problem...when I thought of the future, the only word that came to mind was Queen. For the past three years, I never once thought about my life outside of Karuta. I mean, I've tried...but never got too far.

Karuta was my life. It was the only way I connected to and related with the world. It often felt like I had no future beyond what some called a silly card game.

This time I couldn't dodge or outsmart the question like I had in the past. Thirty percent of my grade was riding on this paper, and I couldn't afford to receive anything less than a C. Even if this was only the rough draft outline, I was struggling.

I tapped by pencil against my desk, wondering what Taichi was writing for his answer. Maybe I could copy him.

No, that was a dumb thing for me to think. I can't copy his future.

I attempted to peer through the heads blocking my view of him. Of course, he was assigned to sit in the very front and I was in the back, near the window. I personally liked my seat because it gave me a perfect view of the Karuta clubroom. I would often daydream in class, imagining myself playing. But not Taichi. He was always so focused in class...taking furious notes and listening intently.

Taichi...in a way, I envied him. He was already accepted into three universities to study medicine. Meanwhile, I couldn't even get one university to notice me. This essay would be a breeze and no doubt he would receive a good grade like always. Who would give anyone less than an A for striving to be a doctor?

Suddenly, I made eye contact with the teacher - my Career and Future Planning Class Sensei. She seemed to read the emptiness in my brain as she frowned. Everything about her was professional from her navy suit to her nude colored heels. Every hair of her dark hair was strung back in a slick pony tail.

"I realize that some of you may be having issues coming up with essay ideas," her heels clicked against the floor in a way that made me nervous. She passed by my desk and seemed to linger as if she was directing her words towards me.

"If that is the case, I want you to close your eyes and imagine the future."

I hesitated.

"Close them, now please. Everyone."

After examining the room to find everyone obeying, I followed suit.

It was black. Like staring into a dark void. All I could see was the back of my eyelids. I attempted to use my imagination to see the future...but there was nothing there.

In a panic, my eyes shot open and I shrieked. All eyes were on me...even Taichi. He looked concerned, as he bit his lower lip.

"Are you alright Chihaya?" Sensei asked.

"Yes! Fine. Very fine!" I said awkwardly, my face feeling hot.

"Were you able to imagine your future?" she asked.

Still, the weight of everyone's eyes were heavy and made me feel uncomfortable.

"Yes, I saw it very clearly."

"Good, I'm glad. If you need any helpful pointers for your essay, let me know. I'll be available in office hours."

Was it true? Did I have no future? No chances of becoming anyone worth anything outside of Karuta?

Unable to hold back my emotions, I started to cry. It turned into a wail. Again, everyone was staring, some were snickering and laughing. I couldn't blame. Maybe I would laugh at myself too.

"Compose yourself, Chihaya," Sensei's voice was firm, "Go outside the classroom if you have an outburst."

I stood to my wobbly knees and raced out the door, avoiding eye contact with Taichi. This was humiliating...and I rarely felt embarrassed. More than anything...it was terrifying.