Cookie

24

For my family and me, Christmas was always a special time of year. Even though my grandparents passed away when Criss and I were still very young, and we didn't have relatives who visited us, my parents always made sure the holiday felt magical. Every Christmas Eve, Mom would make us wear those ugly Christmas sweaters, prepare a special dinner, and then we'd open presents before heading out to carol around the neighborhood. We'd end the night around dawn, collapsing into bed only to wake up late the next morning to watch a movie together as a family, followed by another big dinner with our closest friends.

That all changed after our first Christmas without Criss. The joy had disappeared. Even though we still had a tree, exchanged gifts, and shared a family meal, it didn't feel like a celebration at all. It was more of a grief-stricken ritual than anything else.

Around this time of year, the loss of Criss hits hardest. The house feels emptier, and yet, sometimes, I swear I can still hear her laughter echoing through the walls. But this year, my parents noticed how much progress I had made, so they decided to give me a little more of a "normal" Christmas.

We weren't ready to throw a big party yet, but we didn't want to sit down to another dinner, just the three of us. It would have been too much. So, Mom invited Liam's family over for a holiday meal, knowing it would help ease the tension. Our families had grown close over the past few months. It was strange-our parents were out together more often, enjoying each other's company. They had dinners, went out on weekends. It was a bit weird for Liam and me, but I couldn't help but be happy to see our parents so lively again.

"May I come in?"

Mom's soft voice brought me out of my thoughts. I was just stepping out of the shower, preparing for dinner. She stood in the doorway, wearing a stunning white dress with long sleeves and heels that made her look taller than usual. Her blonde hair framed her face, sleek and straight, and she wore only the slightest hint of makeup. Dad always says she looks best without it, and I completely agree.

"Mom, you look amazing," I said, smiling as I took in her appearance.

Everyone would be arriving in five minutes, and I was still in my underwear and a robe. I was definitely going to be late.

"Honey, I wanted to give you your Christmas gifts now, so you could wear them tonight."

I hadn't noticed the gift bags in her hands until she extended one to me, her face glowing with excitement. She smiled widely as I took them.

"I know it's not your usual style, Nataly, but when I saw this, I thought it was made just for you."

"Thank you, Mom!" I smiled back, appreciating the thoughtfulness behind her words.

She started to leave the room but paused at the door. "Nataly, I love you. I'm so proud of you. You've been so strong since Criss passed, and I've seen you start to live again these past few months. It fills my heart with pride."

Tears welled up in my eyes as I listened to her words. We stood there for a moment, just looking at each other before I crossed the room and hugged her tightly. She wrapped her arms around me, warm and comforting, and I kissed her cheek, my own tears mingling with hers.

"I love you too, Mom," I whispered, pulling away just enough to meet her eyes. "I'm so sorry you had to lose Criss. I wish I could have taken her place."

She stopped me then, placing her hands on my shoulders, holding me at arm's length. Her voice was steady but filled with emotion.

"Nataly, I love Criss with all my heart, but not for a single second would I wish for her to be here instead of you. Do you understand?"