The Loudest Silence

Isabella

A sting of pain rushed through my tongue, yet I ignored it as I pushed my teeth harder down on it. My lips were sealed in a tight line and I kept my eyes cast downward as I continued with my tasks. Tonight, I was responsible for bagging up the newest shipment we had just received.

Methamphetamines to be exact; also known as crystal meth.

Being the getaway driver to their late night schemes had rendered me to feel particularly disgusting about my role in Rick's dirty crimes, but tonight he had taken it to another level and was treating me like one of his goons. I tried to mask the disgust on my face when he had ordered Roman and I to join in and help package the drugs, but I knew my father could sense my hesitance to do so. He ignored the pleading look on my face, and simply shoved me over to the corner of the room, Roman following closely behind me. 

Rick was in an especially sour mood tonight after one of his men nearly had a run in with the law. Although he managed to get away with it, it had delayed Rick's plans of distributing the drugs to smaller drug lords, and his other clients. Despite him being off schedule, he remained useless as he sat in the corner of the room; alternating between threatening someone on the phone, or threatening one of his men that were completing tasks with us.

Roman, who sat beside me, was particularly quiet today. He hadn't said much on the car ride here, and didn't reprimand me as he usually did whenever he came by. I sensed that he had a lot on his mind, so I too remained quiet, hoping that whatever it was stressing him would be resolved soon. Though Roman was technically one of my father's men, I had developed a brotherly liking to him. He hid it behind a cold exterior, but I could see right through his eyes. He was a good man. Roman had a pure heart that had been tainted with darkness and a loss of innocence at a young age, which had left him where he was now.

It was a cruel reality. But that's what it was.

A reality.

Letting out an inaudible sigh, I pushed my hair out of my face and forced myself to ignore the tiny voice in my head that told me there was a way out of this mess- all I needed to do was take that step.

~

"There you go, good as new." Isla said as she ran the mascara through my eyelashes one last time. Sorting the bags had taken longer than I had expected, and had led to me to get back to the dorms right at sunrise. 

Isla, who had just gotten back from an early morning run, ran into me at the lobby and nearly did a double take when she saw me. To put it frankly, I looked like hell. My hair was a mess, and clothes were wrinkly, and I looked exhausted. I was able to play it off as me pulling an all nighter in the library to study, and since it was midterm season, she thankfully bought the excuse.

She insisted that she help me clean up a little before heading to class, claiming that 'Mason would be terrified'. Despite letting out a genuine laugh at her comment, I couldn't help but feel the dread settle into my stomach. It had been two days since I had seen Mason, and I had been anxious about seeing him since our last meeting.

I had messed up. Big time. Although I played it off and fed him a random excuse about the marks on my arm, I could sense that he was hesitant to let it go. I had enough time to beat myself up about the situation, but all I could do now was hope that he had let it go and we could move past it. 

It was bound to happen.. A tiny voice repeated in my head, but I couldn't help but blame my newfound carelessness. It wasn't like me to slip up like that. In fact, it wasn't like me to do any of this. A couple months prior to this, the most human interaction I had was with the mailman. And yet here I was, going out with some guy that was slowly tearing down every wall I had ever built.