It's been a month. Space is a funny thing, I thought that being away would make me miss you more. It's kind of hard to miss you when you barely talk to me. It's like you don't even care that I'm gone, like you haven't even noticed. Is this how it it's going to be now?
You messaged me the other day, you said you missed me. I don't know whether to believe you. Maybe you do. You miss my body, you miss having sex. At least it gives me hope you're being faithful.
I miss you. I miss how we used to be. I miss being waken up by gentle kisses peppered all around my face. I miss you dropping everything when I feel sad, us watching movies, going on long drives. Just spending time together.
Could we ever be like that again? Or are we too far gone? Do you want us to get better or are you just waiting for us to fizzle out to the point where it's an easy choice? I never thought you could be like this but you always find new ways of proving me wrong.
I feel like one of those psychotic girls getting all jealous when I see you like some drop dead gorgeous girls photo on Instagram. I don't think I'm being paranoid anymore. Are you looking for your next girl? Making sure you've got options?
I remember when you would tell me I'm the only one for you. I owned your heart like you do mine. When did I get replaced? Have I been relaxed? Or is there just a vacant space in your heart waiting to be filled? Could I ever fill that hole again?
Probably not. I don't want to be pessimistic but I've got to be realistic. Otherwise it's gonna hurt so much more. I guess that means my minds made up. Now I just need to decide whether to end it now or just wait for you to. Should I come back home?
Home. It's not really home is it. It was. Now it's just a house. Just a town. Just a country. I thought moving away would just be a temporary thing, but I think I've found my new home. Monaco is lovely. You'd love it here. You do love it here. You love driving here, even if the race doesn't always go your way.
I remember when you first took me here, that was a beautiful week. I sometimes go on the walk you took me on, it used to make me happy, reminding me who you really are. Now it just makes me sad. I'm trying to grasp onto any happy memory I can, but they're all turning grey.
Maybe one day they'll be happy again. Fond memories instead of wishing for what used to be.
I still love you. Maybe I always will. Who knows. I always thought you were my forever, I still hope that you are but I think that's just wishful thinking.
Please just tell me what you're feeling. What you want. If there's anything I can do to help us just tell me and I'll do it. If you're done and you want out just tell me because I can't be stuck in this limbo anymore. It's killing me.
Love from your darling (Y/N)
Xxx
