Dark Charms

What is beauty

Growing up, I had a really hard time in school.

See I wasn't born a beauty. I mean I wasn't skinny or had nice skin.  I didn't have a pretty face and in general I looked like one of those royal incest kids from back in the day.

It was pretty awful as you can imagine.

Kids freaking hated me.

They laughed, tortured me in any ways they could, and just made my life a hell.

My parents pulled me out of school when I was about 10.

And they tried to help me by just tutoring me at home.

I guess they did try their best.

But I resented them. I resented that they oddly looked normal. I resented that they tried to pretend everything would be fine. And lastly I just resented them for ever having me.

I didn't just resent them. I resented myself.

Puberty was even tougher too. With bad acne and horrible weight gain.

The hidden jeers of doctors didn't seem to help when I would go for check ups.

I shut myself out from the world.

Refusing to go out and just locking myself in my room.

My parents protested as much as they could,

But I think eventually they gave up.

The only comforts I had as I got older were my stories.

All types of stories I read online. Horror, fantasy , romance- I read it all. Not to mention getting into games saved me too.

I guess that was how I met him.

It was on a forum site, discussing games and books.

I posted a comment to one of the boards and he replied.

I don't even remember what I had said or he had said.

All I know was that soon after he private messaged me.

He asked to be friends. To talk more about the game we had been talking about. To even play together.

I was really hesitant. I mean what if he ever asked to hear my voice if we played together? I kinda sound like a dude.

But luckily he never asked. And in time we became friends.

He was really nice.

He never had pictures of himself either. And I wondered if he was the same as me.

Maybe not completely the same but maybe he too was shutting himself off from the world. For whatever reasons of his own.

He called himself "Jay".

He called me "Lea".

Just two random names we kinda made up.

And man we talked so much every day.

We talked about everything. And I opened up to him.

Something that even surprised me.

I didn't think I would ever tell someone about my past.

But I did. And it felt almost like a relief. Telling him about how miserable I felt. How much I wished I wasn't ugly. How I wished I could go outside and just be normal. Look normal feel normal.

He sympathized for me. He helped me let it all out.

But he never really talked about himself.

And it started to make me wonder why. Why he was so secretive about himself.

He only really let me know his location and his age. My age.

That was all I really knew of him.

And one day I found out why he had been so secretive.

He stopped messaging me out of the blue.

His last message had come when I had been asleep.

A strange sad message.

"Hey. You know I was thinking of myself. And I think I'm going to die in this room. In my own misery that I created for myself. It's just pathetic for my own being. But I don't want you to be like that. I think you have the potential to go out there and face the world. You just need to find it in yourself. I really care about you. And while I might say you should go out there.. it's really up to you. In the end it's your decision. And in the end i think only you will understand it. Thanks for always playing with me Le. Let's meet one day".

I never heard from him after that. And a few days later I saw the news article.

I kinda figured it was him. Given the location and the age.

The suicide of the fat boy.. least that's what they called it in the headlines.

While they said he killed himself, the articles just seemed to mock his weight instead.

I didn't really know to mourn him. I think he didn't want me too.

And although I reread his message over and over again. I realized just how badly I would've rather been with him.

So I guess if you're reading this you know where I ended up.

I didn't do it because of the shame of my past and even my present.

I did it to see if there is another world out there for me.

If there's another world for both him and I.

After all, I made him that way. Sending him all of the food sites. The food videos. The depression talks.

As selfish as it may seem. I finally made a friend. A friend who understood me truly. Someone who was just like me. And I am never letting him go.

(Kinda rushed story but something I had in mind lol. Man I only slept 40 minutes in the past 24 hours so my mind is mush. I'll have to upload the other chapters for my other stories within this week. It's ridiculously hot in Cali too. Like 102 tomorrow where I live. And we have no air conditioning. 🤢)