behind the curtains | jhs.

ɪɪ. chapter eleven

  Final show. Seoul.

Before the show in Seoul, it was the show in Gwangju. It received a shit ton of bad press because of how terrible the energy was and then somehow, the press found out about the Jae and Taeyong situation. It felt like forever but I was glad that the final show was finally there. Then I get to go home, the next morning.

  I did a great job of faking my stage interactions with Hoseok. It was like he gave zero fucks though, all the lingering touches and smiles at me. He needed to chill out because I had no choice but to go along with it on stage. Hoseok knew if he tried off stage then I would've gone off on him. What I didn't expect was some sort of speech...

He started off in Korean but then spoke in English, "I've made many great memories on tour but I made a lot of mistakes as well. I'm sorry to my fans for all the bad drama that I've been in and I want to apologize to all my dancers. I know it hasn't been easy on any of you, I, um, I want to say thank you to my international dancer, Cierra, I appreciate you for a lot of things—"

What the fuck.

"—we've been working together since my HopeWorld tour and you're a great person to be around, and I'm sorry," he turned around to look at me, "I know I say sorry a lot. I know that it probably holds little to no weight to you but I am sorry and I do appreciate everything that you've done for me and my career because without you... I doubt dancing would be as fun." I gave him a weak smile while I fought my tears and he turned right around to face the crowd. "Thank you to all my HopeWorldians. I love you guys! You're my hope, I'm your hope, J-Hope!"

We all bowed and when Hoseok tried to hold my hand for that I quickly retracted it. Did he think that speech was good enough? Once the curtains closed, everyone clapped and the dancers clapped too. They seemed happy but I couldn't pretend. I was pissed. I stomped off to find the dressing room but I somehow ended up in s closet.

"I'm sorry—"

"Why would you do that?!" I hissed in the poorly lit closet room. There was barely any space in there. "You think that was okay? That you can just do that? Do you even care—do you even know or care to know the multitude to how hurt I am?"

"Cierra—"

"—no fuck you," I spat with my hands clenched, "you had a lot of shit to say. Was this all a performance to you?"

"Fuck no, why would it—"

"—I fainted on your stage," I breathed out with a bit of calmness in my voice, "you didn't once ask if I was okay, did you even care?!"

"I was worried!" Hoseok cried out and I was glad I could barely see his face. I didn't want to see his tears. "I was so scared, I texted Namjoon all night, I asked for updates, I'll pull up my phone right now, Ci! I care about you so much and—and I know I fucked everything up I know I did—"

"JUNG HOSEOK..."

The loud shouts of Hoseok's name followed by Korean words kept interrupting him and I could tell by his voice and his sniffles that he was frustrated. "It's your final day touring. You're the superstar and people are looking for you. Thanks for the opportunity and I do forgive you." I did forgive him at that moment. "Holding grudges isn't good and I understand the situation from your point. Not saying you were right but—um—yeah—bye."

"Cierra, just—"

I left the closet with my head hanging down. I regretted ever meeting him. Not because I had resentment but because of how hard it was to actually get close to him. It was a journey between us and it was ending just as quick as it started.

—

  While I was back in the hotel room that I was staying in, I kept up with everything. Namjoon was sharing pictures of the tour afterparty that they three Hoseok. Hoseok didn't look too happy though, his eyes were completely void of any emotion and his smile didn't quite reach his face. It pained me to see so I just clicked off of Instagram. My things were already packed and I sighed as I thought about how tour went.

The only friends I truly made were Hyolyn, Momo, Namjoon, and Jia. Farrah and Sarah never hit me up or anything like that. I was somehow always the one to hit them up and I know it's because they're close to Kimberely so I just let it go. Not everything is meant to be.

After I brushed my teeth, my phone was ringing and it was Hoseok...

Four in the morning, but I answered the phone.

"Can you tell me your hotel room? I—"

"Hoseok—"

"—please, one last time."

I sighed, "I'm on the second floor, left hallway, third door to your right." I hung up the phone and took deep breaths. I didn't know what I was doing but it just felt like I needed it. I needed this because I could never once deny that what Hoseok and I had was special.

Once I opened the door for him, he sighed and looked me in my eye, "I love you."

"Hoseok—"

"—I know it's not gonna work between us, but you can't leave Korea without me telling you that."

"Are you coming to stay the night in here with me or what?"

Hoseok looked up at the ceiling, "If I do that then we're gonna do something we'll regret."

"Says who?"

Hoseok chuckled as he stepped in and grabbed my waist, "Cierra—"

"—I love you too," I confessed as I pressed a palm on his cheek, "now please close the door."

That night held no regrets. The only regret was when we both had to leave the hotel and he dropped me off at the airport.

"I love you," Hoseok smiled a lot brighter than yesterday but it was still sad, "please take care of yourself, Ci."

"Same for you, I love you too, I hope you find happiness someday."

Each step I felt my stomach dropping and my heart racing. Home.

—

10 votes=update