Lara

Chapter 11

Early morning light flits through the gauzy curtains. Grabbing my phone from the nightstand I'm surprised to see it's 5 am. I never wake up this early anymore. But after staring at the ceiling for a half-hour I decide to get up and make a cup of coffee.

Putting the tea kettle on, I lean on the counter and stare mindlessly as the water bubbles to life. The house is so eerily quiet - the grandfather clock in the hall ticks steadily - a noise one doesn't notice during the day. Looking around and surveying the house, I admire how the light and breezy colors Mémé decorated with are subtly juxtaposed with rich hues in a way that is warm and inviting. I find myself daydreaming often of what things I would change if I were to stay here and make this my home.

Sighing, I rub the sleep out of my eyes, and the metal box on the kitchen counter grabs my attention. The day before yesterday I had turned this house upside down looking for the key, but no luck. No key, no more letters, no clues at all. I grimace at the worn and rusty artifact. A reminder of one more thing in my life I can't control.

I can't even open a damn box! I think with frustration. Grabbing a cup from the cupboard I make my pour-over coffee, and still feeling annoyed, start pacing the living room. The early grey morning descends on the house slowly, as if sensing my mood and wanting to commiserate.

My phone dings and I see a text from Colin. *Morning! Had the best time with you yesterday. Driving to the Loire Valley today. Can I call you later? Around 7 tonight?*

I text back, *Sure. Safe travels! And I had a great time too.*

I'm happy to hear from Colin so soon, but even that doesn't perk me up. Since I clearly woke up on the wrong side of the bed, after making my coffee, I head to my makeshift studio to try and paint. But after mixing a few colors on my palette, I stare listlessly at the canvas in front of me. I just don't have it in me today, I think with a sigh. My sister's words float into the forefront of my mind – if you're in a funk, go on a walk, she always says.

Making my way outside, I shrug my wool sweater tighter around me. It's chilly, but the ocean instantly calms me, and I take big gulps of fresh sea air, letting it fill every inch of my lungs. I'm going to miss this, I think wistfully. I take another deep breath, the ocean air moving all around me, seemingly enveloping me in an embrace. I'm going to fucking miss this.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and seeing that it's Anne, I hesitate for a moment. I'm not in the best mood for a conversation – but with the time difference, we've been missing each other's calls.

"Hey Anne," I answer.

"You're awake!"

"Yeah, been awake for a while. Couldn't sleep, unfortunately."

"Sorry to hear that but glad to catch you. Is there a reason you couldn't sleep?"

Since that seems to be a loaded answer at the moment, I go with a vague response, "Maybe my body knows it's going to be on Portland time soon?"

"That's right - you'll be coming home soon which I know has got to be bittersweet. How are you holding up? I know it's a hard month and I know it's got to be hard coming back here to face....Brett." Anne says his name as if she's dry heaving.

"I'm not going to lie, I'm a little anxious about going back home and facing all of that mess. And I've been thinking a lot about what I want – what I really want. And...well it's just that I don't know if I want it anymore - my old life. Even if I could get my position back I don't think I'd take it." I pace back and forth on the sand, my phone to my ear. "Wow, I don't think I've even said that out loud to myself, much less anyone else."

"Girl, you can always be honest with me! And I can't fault you! You've been through a lot and you deserve a fresh start. I can understand where you're at. Whatever you decide to do I'm here for you hon."