Unanswered Emotions

Raman

After Ishita left the room, Raman stood there for few minutes not understanding what to do. he felt himself sitting on the edge of the bed. his thoughts revolved around what she said. the way she talked about his anger, he felt some one stabbed him deep in the heart. he knew how much she hated his angriness. but he now felt she despised him. that thought didn't let him take breath without the pain in the chest.

he knew what all she said was true. for it is his angriness that drove her away from him. he shouted at her many times than anyone could count. he always emptied his emotions on her. But he never took her for granted. every night when he used to say I love you to her before drifting to sleep, he knew he meant that. he was sure that she knew it too. but now he wondered whether she knew that?

that day before 7 years when he shouted at her, he was not in senses. his grief of loosing the daughter, his in ability to protect her when the ideas was his, and that he failed Ishita along came out as his anger. not for her but to words himself. But he was not strong enough to accept it then at least at that moment. He wanted someone to come and say that what all happened was a bad dream. He was not in a mood of acceptance neither in denial. He was more than angry and in all those emotions he just blasted Ishita out when she came in front of him. the look of her face said it all that they lost and before everything he wanted was someone something to blame and it happened to be Ishita. the way he talked to her, it was just not him. he behaved like he was possessed.

his anger did not drop and underlying grief punched into more anger. next target was Romi. he thrashed him. then came the real landing. Ishita committed suicide. that's it the anger and the grief punched him and laughed at him for what he did. he could not take it. it was much more than he could sustain. Ishita, he never thought his words would do that much to her. he just locked himself up the room. tears flowed down his cheeks and the only thing he could think was Ishita left him. and he pushed her far away from him. he killed her. he was broken. the loss of two ladies whom he loved the most, was too much for anyone to take.

next day when the sun rays flooded in to the room, he woke up and when senses came in, he felt lost. the tears dried up and the only thing he felt is hollowness. he sat there for hours thinking particularly nothing, but rummaging his brain for the happy moments he spent with Ishita and Ruhi. Loosing Ruhi was itself a big blow to him. but loosing Ishita that too for his fault was a fatal blow. he could have coped up the loss of their daughter with her by his side, but now he did not have strength. after his mind gave up, he opened his phone to read the whatsapp chats with Ishita, then he saw Bala's message that he was taking Adi to his home for few days until everything is settled. then the reality knocked him and he realized he got two more kids to look after.

the journey later was horrible for him. thanks to Bala and Vandu, Adi was in a better position when he met him for the first time after the incident. Adi had tears in eyes when he saw him but he accepted and came into terms with the truth that his mother and sister are no more. Raman felt bad for letting Adi go through this. Shagun offered to help up with Pihu and Manoj was very helpful too. everything started getting normal in the house. but he could not face his in-laws for what he did to their daughter and grand daughter. he became silent in his grief except for their kids.

he did not want to become the one before he met Ishita. his hatred towards Shagun made him a dark man but his love to Ishita did not let him sunk into darkness once again. When ever he felt he was drifting away from the kids due to his pain of seeing her in them, he felt he was doing wrong with Ishita's memory. Ishita had always fought for kids and their well being. how could he ignore her. he loved her so much that he did not want to part with her. so he behaved the way he did with Ruhi after Ishita came into his life. with the family, he did not keep much contact. he did not feel good to enjoy or laugh with the family for he could not see Ishita in the house.

He did not want to raise Pihu in dark about her mother. but neither he could bring in himself the courage to accept it in front of anyone that he was the reason for her death. so he cooked up a story of Ishita and Ruhi dying in a car accident. but he always recited stories about her mother and sister to the little one. In every night that passed,  he felt the hollowness around him. their bed and room were both his hell and heaven. every night he wished she could be back with him and then remembered he pushed her to death. the thought did not let him sleep through most of the night.

and then suddenly in the police station he sees his Ishita, defending an unknown girl against their son. he was shocked to see her alive. he was happy to have her back. there was rush of emotions and he could not control himself. he just walked out in that happiness and he was far too happy to put it into words. then it struck him, she left him. she was alive and chose not to come to him. he was hurt. more than he was when he found she was dead. She wasn't dead. She pretended all these years to be dead and lived somewhere away from him. he was too hurt but he wanted answer, he walked into the station to see her with Adi. then the slap on Adi's face brought him out of his world. there stood Abhimanyu Raghav, her Mani. the proceedings there revealed him that she chose her best friend over him.