YouTube is where it all started- A Dan Howell Fanfic

Chapter 9

Days have flown by. The holidays are going fast and I have done nothing really productive. My YouTube channel has grown though. It has by a lot and I'm so happy that people enjoyed my first video. I should record again soon.

Things to do today.. Let's think. You know, i think it's now time to actually go and give Lola her letter. I mean what could happen?

I grabbed my shoes and a jumper, putting my headphones into my ears I walked out the house and made my way down the street. Thankfully Lola didn't live too far away. I'm lazy okay. I could see her house after walking for a few minutes.

Nerves kicked in as I approached her drive. I took the letter out of my pocket and held it in both hands. Taking a deep breath I walked up the patio and pushed the door bell. Taking a small step back I held the letter behind my back

"Alice? Wow it's been a while since I've seen you here! Please come in"

"It's fine Mrs Potters" this is awkward. I pulled a hairband of my wrist and started to play with it "is there any chance Lola could be in?"

"Yes, she's upstairs" she closed the door slightly and called for Lola to come down

"Who is it mum?" The door swung open and her jaw dropped "A-Alice?"

"Um. Hey" my breathing shifted as my heart started to race

"ThankYou for that letter by the way"

"No need to thank me" she looked away and smiled slightly "so, why are you here?"

"Sorry that didn't mean to sound mean" I could see her mentally face palming right now. I tried not to laugh

"It's alright. I.. Well" I held the letter out as she took it from my hands "everything I want to say is in there" I quickly turned on my feet and walked away. She was standing on the door step with a shocked expression plastered over her face. She held the letter with a tight grip before she closed the door.

The moment I got into the house I ran straight to my room and collapsed on my bed. My hands were shaking and my breathing was fast. I need to calm down. I walked towards the bathroom and tried to breathe slowly. It's not working. I ran back into my room and plugged my music in, putting the volume really loud.

Walking back into the bathroom I was shaking. I couldn't breathe. This is all because I'm worried at what Lola will think. God I need to do it. I looked at the razor once before picking it up. I held it in one of my hands and rolled down my sleeve. The tears rolled off my cheeks and onto my top. The razor pushed against my skin and I whimpered at the pain. I know this isn't the right thing to do but what else can I do? I pushed the razor is different places making multiple cute before dropping it into the sink and falling on the floor.

The blood trickled down my arm as I laid on the cold floor. A few minutes pass and I'm still lying there. Not moving a muscle. Tears were left on my cheeks. Mascara ran down my face. I looked like a mess. My breathing slowed down so much. I tried to stand. I grabbed onto the sink for support.

My hair hung by my shoulders. I wiped off the makeup that ran down my face. Showing my imperfections. I took a wet cloth and dabbed at the wounds on my wrists. The cuts stung as I wiped gently to remove the dried blood. A bandage was wrapped around my wrist before I pulled my sleeve down.

If my mother was to see what I've become she wouldn't be proud. I think I need a little cheering up now. Let's write down a few YouTube ideas

I wrote "IDEAS FOR BECOMING YOUTUBE FAMOUS ;)" at the top of the page in dark blue

1) procrastination

"I procrastinate so much" wow I'm doing it right now by talking about it

2) Q&A

Because who doesn't love a good old fashion Q&A

3) talking about my childhood?

Well that one could go bad.

I placed the paper in the draw next to my bed and lied down staring at the ceiling. I started to hum the lyrics to the song playing

"I've lost my goddamn mind
It happens all the time
I can't believe I'm actually
Meant to be here
Trying to consume
The drug in me is you
And I'm so high on misery
Can't you see?"

Falling In reverse are such an inspiration for me. Their music actually has meaning and the lyrics actually mean something. I guess I've never been into all this 'pop' music. It's shit.

I paused my music and walked downstairs. Joining my mum and sister in the living room.

"Hey mum, Lotty"

"Hey Alice" Lotty jumped up and hugged me. Her head doesn't even reach my shoulders which I find adorable. She let go and went back to the floor where she was colouring in a picture

"How was work today mum?" She closed the pages of the book she was reading and looked up to speak

"It was alright, busy" then she lowered her head and carried on reading her book

I sighed and turned on the tv. Flicking through the channels until something looks interesting is how I really pick my programs. Iron man is on? Hell yeah am I watching that

A loud thump of my mums book shutting startled me as she looked up "Alice, I had the tv off as I was reading my book and Lotty was colouring. Please turn this off"

"But mum it's Iron Man!" I said while pointing dramatically towards the tv

"I don't care what or who it is. Turn it off" she had anger in her voice. What's so bad about Iron Man?

I think I need food since I can't even watch tv. Walking into the kitchen i saw a small box

"Mum.. What's this?" Questioning the strange box sitting on the kitchen units

"That's something for me. Don't touch it"

I slowly backed away from the box and span around to face the cupboard. We have like no food. Well the cupboard is full I'm just too lazy to actually cook anything or eat anything that requires effort. I just grabbed a biscuit and made my way back to my room. At least there I can't get told off for touching things or watching tv.

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Dan and Phil will be introduced very soon!
Enjoying the book? I dunno if y'all are😂
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