This wasn't how I wanted things to end | Kuvira

Chapter One - Maybe I do have a friend

* One month earlier *

I'm already used to the pain in my hands. My wrists are full with wounds, because I'm always trying to move my hands to find a slightly better position for them. My whole body is aching. My muscles are sore. I haven't even slept well since I'm in this prison. I haven't seen natural lights in months. The only light in here is four lanterns. Nothing more.

One of guards is always marking the wall with a platinum knife next to the door, just to remind me how the days are passing by. They are making fun of me. It hasn't bothered me before, but now it does and I can't do nothing about it. I have to see their stupid faces every single day. I'm daydreaming about craving out their eyes.

Kuvira, Stop!

My old self would definitely punish them after I'm finally free from this place, but

I've changed. Seriously.

I don't even know who I am. Here all I got is time, so I had a lot of it to think through everything I've done. I accepted my fate a long time ago. I should have been dead by now, but the Avatar saved my life. I don't know why she did it, but the only thing I know is that the fact that I'm here was never meant to be. The spirit beam should have ended my life. I'm not deserving to be alive. If even I could accept this fact I really don't know why Korra saved me. I built that monstrous thing, it should have taken away my life. I really deserved it.

This vision still haunts me in my dreams.

* Kuvira's dream: throwback in time to Republic City *

I stupidly pulled the trigger. I saw the energy flow through Korra's direction, but at the last minute she managed to get out of its way, barely. I heard her screaming at me "Shut it down!" I tried to pull back the trigger, but nothing happened "I can't!" And the next moment I was flying through the air and then crashed into the ground. The next thing I saw was the purple light coming towards me. At that moment I knew there was no stepping back from this. I created this mess and I needed to pay for it. I was waiting to feel the pain, but I felt nothing and then I saw Korra stepping before me and bending away the spirit beam.

* Kuvira's dream ended *

I'm waking up screaming and crying from these nightmares. Usually after this one of the guards starts banging the door just to let me know to shut the fuck up!

But this time I screamed back at him. "Then come here and make me!"

I'm so full with everybody telling me what to do and not to do! Man! I'm in prison, I can't do NOTHING!

I heard the door open and a guard was walking toward my direction. "You want me to make you shut up? Fine." I hadn't had anytime to remonstrance, because the next moment he covered my mouth with a piece of fabric. He grabbed my hair and pulled back my head to face him. His eyes were full of rage. He didn't even needed to say it out loud, I already knew I took away something important from him. " The next time you aren't going to listen to my command, you are going to face your death sentence in court. Was it clear?" I felt a teardrop running down on my cheek, I hope he didn't see that. I nodded at him.

I was trying to meditate, but I just couldn't. I'm unable to clear out my mind. I thought if I meditate it's going to help me sleep better, but it isn't helping at all. I haven't got any food in two days. I guess they're still punishing me for not shutting up, the piece of fabric is still around my mouth. I never felt so useless in my life.

Oh wait. That's a lie!

I was always useless. I admit I was a difficult child, but that wasn't my fault. My parents were never caring people, at least towards me. The outside world saw a really nice couple, they looked lovely together with an undisciplined child. Everyone felt sorry for them, because they needed to raise a child who was incomprehensible. It was all their fault. They didn't give me any attention or love. They always told me what I'm allowed to do and what I'm not if I wanted stay out of trouble. In the earliest years of my life I was obedient, but unfortunately I learned that even if I was behaving I didn't get any love from them. I just allowed them to not to look out for me, not even for a minute. That moment was when it hit me that if I want their attention I need to completely change my behavior. This was the time when I started acting out, I guess I was like six years old at that time.