when dreams come true

chapter 8 || an appearance

A/N:
enjoy! x
love you for staying, and appreciating, this book. stay blessed. xox

[if you've already read chapter 1, please read it once more. ive altered the dream a little, it wasn't fascinating enough lol.]

listen to 'Bad Blood' by T-Swizzle because I think those are Ashley's thoughts in this chapter.

□■□■□■□

"Hey, it's fine. I'll come back. I always do. You know me, babe. You know I will."
- 2:00 AM, 20/1/12

"It's just, complicated right now. I need to leave. A break - yeah, that's what I need."
- 11:20 AM, 25/1/12

" I can't say I'm sorry about this- I can't be sorry about things I do for myself."
- 10:35 PM, 6/2/12

"I'll miss you. Miss all the fun we've been having. See you soon, babe. Love you."
- 8:26 PM, 8/2/12

There have been many first times that I've lost to the wrong people. I regret quite a few, regret wasting my first experiences with people who didn't deserve anything. Not from me, or from anyone else. But I was too blinded by need and desperation to realise what I was losing. I didn't know what was slipping out of my hands when I stupidly let him touch me, let him coax me.

I thought I was in love. I thought I was being saved. But the truth was, I was being plunged deeper into pain. Pain that would hurt me so deep, it would leave scars. Those scars may not be visible to the eye, but they were ever present on my heart.

My past is a time I don't like remembering. Those days were dark, lonely, sad and confused. So, when I decided I had to move on and not waste my short life crying and hating everything, I also decided to lock away all my memories. It was the only way I'd be able to live sanely.

It was the only way I'd be able to live, period.

Some memories I'd saved and brought out front. They were the bittersweet snapshots derived from hurtful events; they were endurable. Although they were behind a wall, they were atleast more accessible than the others. The ones I wish I'd never had in the first place.

I had gathered everything, from the tears to the heartbreak to the death wishes, and put them in a box. And locked them. The key doesn't exist, and I hope it never will. I never want to replay or relive those memories ever again. I don't want them to be a part of me, or my life, anymore.

I've begun a new life, a happy and painless beginning. A fresh start. Every first time I'd wasted - my first kiss, my first date, my first commitment- it was a thing of the past. They weren't my first times anymore, now I'd have some that would matter, that could be considered something valuable. Actual first times that I wouldn't throw away without thinking, as I'd done before. I would utilize and make the most of every one.

This was part of my therapy. To forget everything I'd been through. It had taken ages. But I was beginning to find happiness and crack smiles when I finally managed it. And I was content.

That was two years ago.

Only now was I realising that certain appearances in my life were starting to crack the box in the back of my mind. And it was breaking me.

••••••

It had been about 25 minutes since I'd last seen Calvin. I had abandoned the couch when a drunk girl had toppled over on it and passed out. It had been a bit frightening.