CONFLICTED

Chapter 26| Suicide

Lyrics to go: Sad! by XXXtencation.

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧Part II✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

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Chapter 26: Suicide

Three months later.

Three months after Anna's incident, I became what even I couldn't explain. I sat for the external exams and my father was worried sick my results might not turn out as expected. For the past three months, I visited her occasionally at the hospital and everything was the same.

Kelvin stayed at my house once he completed his exams and only went home once in a while. And me? I went back to being quiet and cranky, became reserved as well and kept to myself a lot more. I was literally going out of my mind. I didn't want to think of how much damage I've done to her, I just wanted her to wake up even if it meant hating my guts for the rest of her life.

Anna's only hope was to wake up before her SATs and then, she could get admitted on her scholarship program which she won in this year's Winter Olympics. Suzan had stayed at Richard's place in the course of the exams since she was sent packing from the school hostel and her home was too far away. She hated my guts at first but then realized she had a fair share of what happened to Anna.

Kelvin on the other hand, didn't know of Suzan's living arrangements and he didn't need to know. He still liked her though. I could tell from the way he kept on asking of her from me.

The boys and I were cool. They all didn't like what happened to Anna but surprisingly, they didn't blame me for what happened. Perhaps it was more of they couldn't believe she had been a lesbian.

Presently, Aunt Lydia was trying to convince my father of us going to church. Just the day before, I walked to the backyard pool and tried to drown myself to death. Yeah, it was that bad. It was dusk and I had decided to take a stroll out of the house.

I didn't have any specific thought process. I simply let my legs take me where they pleased while my mind wandered off. I could not consciously recall how I got to the pool but when I did, I was aware and fully in my right senses. If Anna wasn't going to regain consciousness, that would make two deaths hanging over my head. It just came as a resolution, I guess. I had breathed what I thought to be my last breath and slumped into the pool.

Reaching the pool floor in no time, I waited for the worst and no sooner than I expected, my lungs began fighting for air. I remember staring at the blurry sky through the blue waters and allowed the water engulf me.

My body convulsed at intervals in protest to the liquid flooding my lungs and when it stopped, my eyelids fluttered shut as I slipped to an insentient phase. But not before I caught a glimpse of Kelvin diving towards me in fast strokes.

It had taken granny's alarm, Kelvin's impressive swimming skills and my stepmom's knowledge of CPR to bring me back to life. They were all shocked that I could opt for suicide.

Thing is, every passing day that Anna spent at the hospital, I lost a considerable amount of hope and I just couldn't bear the thought of killing another poor soul. My mom already died because of me. I didn't want another person dying on me.

My father became an atheist after my mom's death and trying to convince him about the church scheme was giving my stepmom a tough time. Speaking of stepmom, she and my dad had decided to wed on the sixth month of this year.