Living Dreams

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"Why is - Why is that?"

"I-I can't."
He sighed.

"You take the bed. It's very cold here. I'll take the Divan." He finally mumbled.

While I slept alone on the king sized bed, Thahir layed on the Divan with his pillow and the blanket. Though the bed was comfortable, I couldn't close my eyes throughout the night. Thahir soon fell into a deep slumber. I could feel only sorry for him who couldn't even move his arms and legs on that Divan.

As I came out of the washroom after having a bath next morning, my heart ached on seeing Thahir sleeping on the bed. I don't know how am I gonna face him but I very well know that I have to stop all these drama and face the reality. Continuing this marriage would only be a joke. We have to get rid of this relationship before the world point fingers at us.

Rubbing both my palms, while watching the beautiful scenario of huge mountains covered in shawl like clouds, I recalled Rikaz.

How beautiful life would have been if it was Rikaz here with me instead of Thahir?

"Inasha..."

Thahir, he was behind me. I expected him to yell at me but he was calm as yesterday.

"Lemme see. Are you still scared?"
He held my chin too gently and lifted up my face. When I forced myself to look at him, I saw his lips stretched into a smile.

Did I fall for it?

No.

Then did I glare at him?

No.
I felt nothing more than an awful emptiness inside me.

Thahir took me all around Nuwara Eliya in his car. As if by bad luck, he took me around the inn we stayed, in the evening dew, under an umbrella. Not a single word of him impressed me other than a flower or two which he plucked for me from the fences.

I got a call from my best friend, Sheema, when the darkness started to peep through huge mountains. Thahir gave me the receiver and avoided me.

"You actually forgot to call me nah... How is the honeymoon?" As usual, everything was a joke for her.
"You lost the ability to speak? Hello?"

"Don't utter nonsense, Sheema! I remember Rikaz very often. Thahir isn't like him. Thahir doesn't scold me, yell at me and... and he doesn't try to control me. I can't stay like this, Sheema."

"Idiot! How'd u become so weak to search Rikaz in Thahir? And you are looking for a monster within a decent man?"

"Sheema!"

"You better stop playing with all these. Don't be stupid and do something which will make the world laugh at you!"
I thought she would be of any help but it seems it's only me to myself.

As Sheema said, I'm well aware that this isn't a bond to play with. Is marriage a joke? The bond between a husband and wife is complicated. Neither me nor he can explore it unless we give it a try.

Isn't it me who is trying to distance myself from him?
But I do have my reasons.
I don't feel him. I don't feel attached to him. I have no love for him. Then why should I cheat myself?

"What are you thinking so much, hun?"
Thahir leaned closer as if to see his reflection in my eyes but I felt nothing in me.

"Am I in the Divan today too?"
I felt sorry for him.

"You take the bed. I-I'll sleep on the bed."

"No need of that, Inasha. But I don't think we can continue this everyday."
He could have scolded me. Or forced himself on me. I belong to him, lawfully. Though I wasn't legally married to Rikaz, he used to act with all the rights over me.