Taehyung didn't want to sound like a horny brat. No. It was never just about sex. That's what he was repeating on his mind the whole time he's inside Jin's car on their way to their schedule.
The silence between them is deafening but the younger is not planning to back down.
Part of him is so insecure. Did Jin really love him the way he wish the older to love him?
"Taehyungie" Jin called when he's about to get off the car. He stopped but still avoided the older's gaze.
"I'm sorry"
"You know that's not what I want to hear Hyung" Taehyung said in a cold tone.
"I know" Jin lowered his head.
Taehyung waited. When Jin finally spoke, the younger's expression softened.
"I'm just...scared. I don't want you to hate me"
"Hyung, you know I will never hate you" Taehyung said in frustration.
When the older met his gaze, the younger could see pain and fear in Jin's eyes.
"That's why it scares me more. Because, even if you don't hate me, I know I will hurt you"
"But I'm already hurting Hyung. Everytime you reject me, I feel like you don't want me as much as I do. That I'm not good enough for you"
Jin cupped Taehyung's cheeks and gently wipe his tears.
"I'm sorry Taehyungie. I didn't want you to feel that way. On the contrary, I think you are too good for me. I'm the one who don't deserve you"
"Why? What made you hate yourself so bad Hyung?"
"I'll tell you everything when we get home..."
************
Jin is praying for their schedule not to end. The feeling of dread is growing in his chest as the clock ticks. For the first time, he's not excited to go home.
Jin tried hard to focus on their performance. He can't let his personal problem affect their group so he set aside everything the moment they step on stage.
The applause they receive every performance are getting louder. They heard from the staff that if the were able to maintain the good response from the audience both live and online, they are eligible for number 1 spot for the week.
"Hyung, are you okay?" Namjoon asked when they are waiting with Yoongi outside the dressing room.
The members have to retouch their make up after the performance since they will still appear for the awarding before the end of the show and the space inside the dressing room are too cramped for seven men and staffs so they have do it by batch. Jin, Namjoon and Yoongi are waiting for the others to finish.
They are a new group and an independent one, so the privilege of a proper dressing room were not given to them.
Jin shook his head. "I'm nervous"
Namjoon nodded in understanding. "Me too, Hyung but whatever the result, I felt like we already won because more and more people are listening to our music"
"I thought I'm dreaming sometimes" Yoongi said in amusement.
Jin feels the same. There are days that he's afraid he'll wake up and find out he's back in the school clinic full of lovestruck students.
Don't get him wrong, Jin loves his profession as a Doctor but he found purpose in doing music. It is a language that anyone can relate to.
"I'm glad that we're able to do this again. Thank you Namjoon-ah, Yoongi-ah"
The two Rappers squish Jin in a hug while they are all smiling wide.
"The pleasure is ours Hyung" Namjoon and Yoongi answered.
When the other members went out and saw the cheesy hug from the two oldest member and their Leader, the teasing and bickering started.
The older is looking fondly at his younger members but when Jin met Taehyung's gaze, his smile faded.
The familiar dread in his chest are back. He can only hope that he won't lose Taehyung when he told him about that night 7 years ago...
************
*TRIGGER WARNING*
When they reached home, Taehyung and Jin are both silent. They didn't win the 1st place, but the younger don't think that's the reason why the older looked sullen.
"I'll shower first" Jin said when they entered their bedroom but Taehyung caught the older's wrist.
"Hyung"
"Just--" Jin took a shaky breath. "Give me a moment"
Taehyung give in. "Okay, Hyung"
The younger waited like what the older requested.
But half an hour later, Jin didn't come out so Taehyung started to get worried.
"Hyung. Are you done?" The younger called.
When the older didn't answer, Taehyung look for the spare key immediately. He found Jin in a fetal position, with clothes on, while the water is running over him. The older is crying his heart out.
The younger turn off the shower and look for dry towel. Jin didn't even protest when Taehyung took off his clothes and wrap him in a bathrobe. He carried Jin back to their bedroom.
"Are you trying to kill yourself Hyung?" Taehyung asked in frustration.
"I'm sorry" Jin murmured.
Taehyung pulled the older because he didn't know what else to say to comfort Jin. They stayed in that position for a long while. Taehyung could feel the older gripping his shirt as if Jin is afraid that he'll lose him any moment.
"Hyung, tell me what's happening?"
"Seven years ago, I did something bad...I hurt someone"
Taehyung's body stiffened.
Is Jin talking about that night? Did he remember?
"H-he's just a boy. I--I took his innocence and left. I think you could call it ra--"
Taehyung stared at the older in disbelief. No, that's not what happened that night.
"Hyung you didn't force me. I gave you my virginity"
"W-wha--y-you mean... Y-you are that boy?"
When Taehyung nodded, Jin's expression changed from shock to grief until it went blank.
"N-no..."
The older quickly get up to run away but the younger didn't let him. He pulled Jin and pin him back to their bed. When the older tried to escape, Taehyung captured his lips to calm him down.
"Hyung, don't leave me...don't leave me again please" the younger pleads and break into a sob...
YOU ARE READING
What's Your Name?
FanfictionJin already accepted that he was destined to be alone. He was okay with that. He knew he deserve that. But everything changed when Taetae appeared in his life claiming that he was his "Prince". The younger's presence made him hope that there is stil...
