What's Your Name?

*Thirty Eight*

A/N: PLEASE PLAY BTS - LET GO

The moment the words was out of Namjoon's mouth, he regretted it. He's the one who suggested that they should not talk about their past. Yet, deep inside, the question has been weighing on his mind for a long time. Part of him wants to know the truth but he's just too afraid to ask. Assuming the worst is easier than confirming the painful truth.

"I'm sorry Hyung" Namjoon lowered his gaze.

"No Namjoon-ah, I'm the one who should apologize. I know it's too late for my explanation but I hope you can hear me out first"

Namjoon stared at Jin's face for a moment. He thought that, maybe, it's time for them to face their past in order to move forward.

"Okay Hyung. I will listen"

"Thank you" The older held his hand gently.

The younger waited until Jin was able to gather the courage to speak.

"Before I tell you my reason, I wanted to say this--I loved you. Maybe not as much as you loved me but I really loved you. You are someone worthy to be loved"

"Then, why Hyung? Why did we broke up"

"Do you remember my graduation?"

Namjoon nodded. The younger wasn't able to come because he joined an Underground Rap Competition. He wanted to win for Jin. He's planning to propose once he got the First place.

"I didn't tell you but I'm really lonely that day. I want you to be there but I also know how much the competition meant to you so I didn't say anything. I planned to get myself drunk, but after few shots, I felt dizzy. When I woke up the next day, I'm in bed with another man. I can't really remember what happened so I panicked and ran away"

Namjoon wasn't able to speak for a moment. He felt different emotions at once. Most of it are sadness and regret--for the love they both lost.

He realized, it was partly his fault because he should have been there for Jin when the older needed him instead of going to the stupid competition. He's been selfish too.

"Hyung..."

"I broke up with you not because I didn't love you. I just don't want to be unfair to you"

If he went to Jin's graduation, will they still be together? Will things really change? He wondered.

Namjoon could see the pain and guilt that Jin kept all these years.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry Namjoon-ah"

"Hyung, look at me" He cupped Jin's chin so that he could stare at the older in the eyes.

"I'm afraid to tell you because I know you will hate me. And you are the first person who ever loved me for who I am so I wanted to protect that"

"I understand now Hyung. I'm not totally innocent anyway. I had my shortcomings. I should've at least tried to know the truth but instead, I just gave you up. At the back of my mind, I always had this fear that you'll realize one day that I'm not good enough. That's why I'm always holding myself back"

"Do you regret what happened?"

"No Hyung. Saying something like "Maybe we are not meant to be" are too cliché. Rather, I want to believe that we made our own choice. And that choice led us to Jungkook and Taehyung "

Jin nodded in agreement. The older's eyes sparkled with the mere mention of the younger's name.

Namjoon realized, he no longer feel pain seeing the two together. He's just genuinely happy for his friends.