...

Confused

Waking up I noticed that I was not in my room I thought that maybe I was still dreaming because last time I checked my room wasn't that big and my sheets weren't that soft.

Try to live on a College student's budget and you will discover how lucky you were when you were younger to not have to worry about money and oh so trivial things like quality of life.

My parents did alright for the most part we were middle class not upper-middle class mind you but mid-middle class.

My Mom died when I was 15 due to a car accident and My dad did the best he could and even managed to send me to college but I guess he couldn't hang on for long after my mother the love of his life died he eventually got sick and fell into depression and died.

I had to move in with my aunt and her family whom I didn't know much about I just think they were relived that they didn't have to take care of me as I was pretty much self sufficient.

Especially after my mother died as I had to depend on myself plus I was going to college at the time so it would have been pathetic if I didn't know how to take care of myself .

I spent a lot of years in depression dealing with it. My mother's death took a real toll on me and I sometimes thought it would have been easier if I just gave up.

My dad wasn't able to help me as he was barely able to help himself, but I kept telling myself that my mother would have wished I was happy and safe. She was always so optimistic and saw the good in people .

I was always kind of negative I saw things for what they were and I always saw the many ways something could go wrong and my mind would automatically try to find solutions or think of things I could do to turn the situation to my advantage or at least avoid the worst case scenario.

I was a problem solver at heart the best way to describe me would to say that I was careful, meticulous and opportunistic.

I wouldn't willfully hurt anyone as I wasn't malicious and I liked to help people because I always thought that if you weren't part of the solution you are part of the problem.

People always complain about society and it being unfair it's just that most people have a general disregard for people they aren't emotionally invested in there is a certain lack of empathy to your fellow man and rarely does anyone put themselves in another's shoes.

To be fair there are good people but the scum of society do thrive on bringing everyone else down with them.

I sometimes found that I had a cold logical side to me on certain matters I didn't objectively think killing is wrong but it all depends on the reasons and methods used. People die everyday its simply either due to war, accidents, crime or even themselves.

There is something I once heard that really resonated with me . It was something along the lines of ' Guns don't kill people. People kill People.'

Conflict in general has existed as long as man has. Hell the moment there were more than half a dozen people on earth someone (Cain) killed his brother due to jealousy.

As long as there is want and desire there will always be conflict its a part of being human sometimes conflict could lead to growth but it can just as easily lead to destruction if you don't learn from your mistakes.

Policemen, soldiers and anyone who belongs to any government certified organization has a license to kill and rarely does anyone raise a fuss about it.

Even when military drones strikes end up having a staggering 90% civilian death rate where schools, hospitals and streets are bombed to kingdom come nobody seems to notice or even care that a guy sitting in a chair in his office is killing thousands of innocent people just to get to a few terrorist cells seriously is there aim that bad?