In The Dawn - Cedric & Sarah

Chapter 5

After watching Sarah’s car disappear into thin air, I returned to class and I found my learners enjoying the best of their time. It was noise everywhere. I began my lessons with Math, Science and our desert was Economics.
     IN THE next quarter hours, the school bell rang and every kid’s wish to go home was granted. My learners moved out of the classroom and Isabell was left of her. She approached me when I was still packing my stuff.
     “Isabel!” I called out her name. “You are here for something, I believe.”
     “Yes sir. My sister wish me to walk you to her car.” she said looking outside, through a window.
     “Of what manner is she given a right to send people to call me? Tell your sister that I shall come to her when I’m done everything I’m busy with.” I said and continued to pack.
     “Okay Sir, she shall receive your message.” she said and moved out.
When my hands were free, I attended her. I walked out of my classroom and locked the door. I went outside the gate and I said my goodbyes to Bab’Khumalo who was stood outside his small security house. I made my way to Sarah’s car who was busy applying make-up looking at a rear mirror and she stopped painting her face a minute she saw me. She rolled down the driver window. Sarah had parked her car in a position every teacher could see me and her. Some of my colleagues thought I was in a relationship with her, if Mr Boerberg didn’t tell them anything. I had started noticing weird looks from some of my co-workers. I believe they were asking themselves what a black man was doing with a white beautiful woman like Sarah. I’d be suspicious too if I were in their shoes. No black man deserves to be with the white woman.
     “I am glad you could come. I almost thought you changed your mind.” she said. “Get in.” she added.
I walked to the passenger seat and I allowed myself in her car and we drove off. The car took few turns before I was able to speak. It was very shameful to have my arse driven by a woman who is not mine. If we were together, people would think she’s using me.
     “After how I left, I do not wish to see your husband. I suggest we go to another place if you don’t mind.” I requested.
     “Not that he cares but your suggestion is heard.” she paused. “So where do you suggest we go?” she asked.
     “I am not familiar with this neighbourhood, so I will leave it to you to lead.”
     “Okay. I know of a better place.” she smiled and pushed the accelerator forward.
WE DROVE PAST a place I assumed to be a lodge.  From the view of my distance I could feel the touch of it. The trees were breezing the air of summer leaves. The statue of the garden moved with my eyes as the car passed. The flood of trees rolled down my eyes and in a minute I saw of them none. The only thing I could remember about the place were the flashes of the grass colouring my eyes green. I looked forward through the windscreen and I couldn’t help but notice the beauty of the place. I saw hundreds of people none in the streets but cars moving past each other. No sound of a fly was heard except lawn mowers making the sounds of discomfort. If you work hard you can live anywhere in the world, words of my mother played in my mind. She indeed was right. There I was, seeing the vision of my future. Is this the works of my gods clearing a path for me? This was my future I was seeing. Seeing that place reminded me of my purpose in life. Seeing the greater of me in my naked eye gave me a vehemence to see great potential of myself. This was half of my dreams I could settle for if not by god’s to have what is mine.
     “What kind of people stays here?” I asked Sarah and she turned her head to my direction and back to the road with the car moving in a high speed.
     “The kind that absolutely want nothing to do with poor people. It is a higher standard place.” she said and she flipped her brown hair.
     “Though, why do you take me to a place of people of such?” I asked.
     “We are passing.” she said with her eyes focused on the road.
     “Ohh.” I commented.
     “Aren’t your standards the same?” I asked.
     “Had they been, I’d be staying here too.”
     “What do people of this place do for a living?”
     “Mostly president associates and successful businessmen. My parents’ stays around – just across that street.” she said pointing out.
     “What does your parents do?”
    “My mother was once a nurse but not anymore. She quit her job after a patient lost her life when she was giving birth. The baby died in her arms and that traumatized her for months until one day she decided to quit. Whereas my father is a very successful businessman. He owns couple of jewellery shops.”
     “With your rich parents, I thought you’d want to stay in this beautiful place.”
     “It’s my parents who are rich, not me. I am a married woman now, meaning my new family is my husband, Jon. It is up to me and him to get rich so we may afford a house in a place like this. It is not my parents’ responsibility to feed me anymore. I am my husband’s responsibility. It is him that should take care of me not my parents. I am a grown woman.” she said.
     “So who pays for your school fees?”
     “He does.”
     “What does he do?” I asked looking at her.
     “He’s a company CEO.”
     “Your dad’s company?”
     “No, his family company.” she responded.
     “I see. Tell me, why did you choose to study law?”
     “Same reason that made you choose to study teaching.” she said.
     “But I love teaching.”
     “Isn’t that what I just said?” she said with a half-smile. To be honest, I did not choose teaching because I loved it. I chose it because my uncle could only afford to pay for it. It was the cheapest course at the time and the course that was not restricted for black people. I had no choice but to study for it.
     “Why do you love it?” I asked.
     “It makes me feel good about my life. It makes me happy. It is the only thing I am attached to.” she said.
     “Ohh.” I commented.  
Sarah and I drove to a maximum of ten minutes and when we finally reached our destination, she switched off the engine and she got out first. I looked outside and I saw a place that seemed not better than where her parents resided. The place looked fancy but not like her dad’s. I asked her where we were and she said we are at Birthmod. Honestly speaking, Sarah’s area and Birthmod were a bit the same if were we to compare their socio-economic background and standardized houses. The place was way above my standard, though, but below her dad’s area. I could only wish to be in a place like Birthmod.
     I looked outside the window and I saw beautiful cars parked on my line. They were cars I could only drive in my dreams.
     “You may step out.” she said with her eyes focused on the entrance of the restaurant. Before I could set my foot out, I saw a notice board beside the entrance and I zoomed my eyes and I read what was written. They had written DOs and DONTs, with rules and regulations. When Sarah reached for her purse in the car through a driver window, that’s when I got a chance to remind her of the laws of South Africa that a black man shall eat of/on his farm. He is to eat where he ploughs. No black person was allowed to share a room with a white person.
     “I thought you were Cedric, the fearless.” she said.
     “Fear save lives. I’d rather be fearful and live than to be fearless and die. I do not wish to disobey the Laws of this country. I wish to be taken back to my cave.” I demanded still seated in the car.
     “You can’t have peace and freedom if you keep running away. You don’t beg for freedom, you take it. No one will harm you. You are here with me, I promise you.”
     “What you have is not yours to promise. These people have the mind of their own.” I said and I continued, “I will say no more. Take me back where I don’t fear for my life.”
Sarah nodded annoyance and she got inside the car and she looked at me.
     “Look here Cedric. You are here with me. I am a regular here. I wouldn’t be here with you if my face was not familiar. So trust me okay?” she said.
     “Have you brought a black man here before?” I asked looking at the people inside the restaurant through a window.
     “No, but you.” she said.
     “So you are telling me I am first-hand experience? What if things don’t go the way you expect?”
     “Then at least we’ll know.” She paused and continued, “Do you want to know why most people don’t succeed in life?”
     “Tell me.”
     “It’s ‘what if’s’. People have too many negative thoughts. When they think of ‘what If’, they only think of a negative outcome. What if I don’t pass? What if I don’t do it right? What if something bad happens? What if she rejects me? What if they don’t accept me? What if they reject my proposal? What if this and that. Sit down and re-think your ‘what ifs’. What if you pass? What if you do it right? What if something good happens? What if she accepts you? What if they accept your proposal? Project your ‘what ifs’ not only on the bad side but on the good side too. Do not always think the worst of the situation. What if now nothing happens?” she convinced me. I told you, Sarah is such an angelic manipulator and a smooth talker.
     “Right now you are comparing two different situations. I know nothing good will ever come out of this. There’s no way these people will welcome me in there.” I said.
     “As long as they won’t have guts to tell you on your face then you have nothing to fear for.”
     “When I Agreed to help you I didn’t think it would come this far. Had I known you would drag me to places I don’t need to be, I would not have agreed to help you.”
     “Do you trust me?” she asked.
     “What is trust got to do with this?”
     “Because I want you to trust me”
     “I do not trust you Sarah, I hate to say.” I said and continued, “How do I know this is not a trap?” I added.
     “Trap for what?”
     “To kill me.”
     “Why would I kill you?”
     “I don’t know. Perhaps you are not happy with me teaching your white children.”
     “Hahaha.” she laughed. “Really now?”
     “Yeah.”
     “I had all the time in the world to kill you but I didn’t.”
     “Waiting for a right moment, obviously.”
     “So you think this is the right moment?”
     “Yeah. Maybe you brought me here for that.”
She cracked again in laugh and she replied. “If I wanted you dead Cedric I would’ve done that long before. I would’ve sold your truth to people that most need it.”
     “What truth?” I asked.
     “You think I wouldn’t know that you are not in the schools teachers’ database. You are not registered in the system.”
     “I am in registered.”
     “You are registered as a cleaner not as a teacher. I know Cedric. Tell me, how do you survive when facilitators come to school? Do you hide or?”
     “Oh my God! You are always updated about my life.” I replied shocked.
     “Answer me.”
     “I was given cleaners uniform to wear everytime they come and pretend to be a cleaner.” I answered.
     “That sucks hey.”
     “I’m not going to ask you where you got that information from because I know it’s Mr Boerberg who told you, I’m guessing.”
     “Correct.”
     “Fuck him.”
     “How did all of this happen? You ending up getting a job as a cleaner aka a teaching?”
     “It’s simple. When I couldn’t get a job for a year, my mother implored with her boss to help me find a job. Fortunately he was friends with Mr Boerberg and they arranged something for me. Mr Boerberg told me the school does not allow black teachers so, he confused the system by registering me as a cleaner and handed me a chalk.”
     “Smart man.”
     “Half smart and half stupid.” I said with my arse in the seat of the car. “Why couldn’t we do this interview somewhere private or maybe somewhere else but here?” I asked.
Sarah stepped out of the car and she walked to my passenger door.
     “Come.” she opened the door for me.
I hesitantly stepped out feeling anxious and nervous. She led the way inside the restaurant and I followed. This was against my will.
     “I do not like what you doing. Pulling me by my nose.” I said and we entered inside. I rolled my eyes to the corner of the till and there was no one. The rooms’ atmosphere changed when we stepped in. The devil smiled from his hell seeing that the bait had entered. The light of the room blinded my eyes and I couldn’t see well. The empty chairs were starring me as I fumbled my steps following Sarah. The tables had closed path for me the moment I entered and I had to push them aside in order to make a way for my steps. I rolled my eyes again to the left and I felt the shadow of eyes pushing me to the ground. I was following Sarah everywhere she went like a puppy. She went to sit at a far corner and I followed. It took me a decade to find my way to her spot. The set-up of the room had four chairs with two chairs seating opposite each other. The set-up of the room didn’t match the exterior design. The outside walls were painted in yellow color with a mixture of red. They had pictures of food in every piece of the wall. The food on the wall could make one hungry by just looking. They had that thing that can make a man question his wife’s food taste. When you enter inside, you get a different feeling. The painting of the walls can make you wish you could sleep there. As they made me feel like I was somebody when I am not. Though, the people in the room shadowed my presence. I could feel the weight of five people in the room pushing my head down the floor. I sat in a position where my eyes could not meet theirs. Sarah called a waitress and she came to our service. Sarah ordered what I could not pronounce and water. The waitress looked at me and I had nothing in mind to order. I had been in numerous restaurants that only served my standards. There, I was in a different place that needed me to adjust my standards but how do I fake something I’ve never had or experienced? In my standard restaurants that I go to, I order beef and pap. If for a change I want something else, I order wors and rice. When I feel like I have money, it’s when I eat at the restaurant near the school I teach. I order food that are less than twenty cents.
     I looked at the menu I was holding and the waitress’s presence forced me to make a fast order. I didn’t have much time to browse through the menu to see if I could see something I would be familiar with. Instead of randomly ordering, I ordered what Sarah ordered
     “Make double of what she has.” The waitress left our sight and Sarah took out her notebook and pen. My eyes followed the waitress until I lost her sight. When my eyes returned to our table, along the way they met a man who was eating and facing our direction. The man looked horrible if ugly is a pleasant word. My eyes quickly moved from his scary sight and they made their way to Sarah who had already prepared her stationary.
     “Shall we start?” she asked.
     “Sure.”
     “To be honest with you, I brought you here because I needed an answer that could match the experience. I wanted an honest truth. How does it feel being here?” she asked with a pen in her hand. Oh, so I was an experiment to her. I was someone she could test boiling waters with. Who does that to another human being? Risk his life? It pissed me off to realize I was used as an experiment and a test.
   Though, I could not react with anger at that moment because I was fearing for my life. If we were at a place I was comfortable in, I would’ve stormed out leaving her alone but I couldn’t do it there. I needed her protection to stay alive. But what Sarah did was of evil. She sees an experiment in me. She saw a man she could experiment with. First I turned my head and responded.
     “Isn’t it obvious to you?” I replied.
     “Please be clear. I am a bad guesser.”
     “I don’t feel well. I feel like someone forced me to be here.” I said. (Like hell she forced me.)
     “What does it mean for you to be here? Does it feel home to you? Do you feel like you belong here?”
     “No. I don’t feel as though I belong here. I feel outside South Africa here. I don’t feel like it’s my home.” I replied and she wrote something on her notebook and she chinned up.
     “Can you describe the two parts of South Africa for me? What difference do you see here from where you come from?”
     “Everything here is classy.” I took a five seconds look around the room and I continued, “Here you do not have to fear for your lives. You do not have to look upon your shoulders when you walk on the streets fearing that you might be attacked by police. Your children do not know the feeling of going to bed with just water in their stomach. I don’t see a poor person here.”
     “In terms of lifestyle, do you see the difference in how people live?”
     “Yes I do. It is visible. You do not protest (Why must they protest if they have everything they need). There’s little movement of people in the streets because everything you need is around you. You don’t have to travel long distances to shops every day. You buy bunch of groceries that will last you for a month but with us, everything is opposite. Not that we want to. We just have a difficult life. And to top it all, we have calculated movements. We do not go anywhere we want. We are told where we should go and where we should not. By me being here I have committed a sin (Civil disobedience). I am in an area I am not allowed to be. First, the government forced us to register for Population Registration Act (PRA). This Act forced us to state our races so they can be able to divide us. They were able to separate whites from blacks and Indians from blacks. The government forced us out of our land. They occupied us in a small closet land. They formed Act No. 46 of 1959, Promotion of Bantu Self-Government Act. This is how the land of my people was taken. Do you know the pain of seeing fifty fish in one tin? That’s what I call pain. To see your fellow black brother eat of dirt. It’s painful. Leaving my place for here was never a choice I am proud of. There’s no land left for us. We have less of ours.” I said and added. “Look at you Sarah, you do not need to carry a passbook (Dompass) everywhere you go unlike us. Look…” I said taking out my dompass. “Without this book, I will be arrested. My freedom is in here.” I said shaking it of my hand.
     “Look around you.” she said and I did as she instructed, “Do you see monsters?” she asked.
     “Wise eyes see what is beyond the flesh.” I said and pulled my focus on her again.
     “What do you mean by that?” she asked.
     “A man lives first in his heart before the body takes control. He may look innocent but the heart is cooking a sour milk. I can see through everyone here. They are saints to you, and monsters to me. Do you see how they look at me?”
     “Tell me.” she said.
     “I don’t think that’s the look they give when it’s only their kind they see.” I paused and continue, “You see love in them, and I see hate.”
After a little while of speaking, the waitress came back with our orders. She placed the plates on the table. She left a napkin in each plate before she could leave.
     “Enjoy.” the waitress said and left.
Sarah saw it as a good chance to put her notebook aside and her hands went for a grab.
After moments of deciding whether to start with water or food, the waitress that served us came back and she whispered to us.
     “I am sorry but you are requested to leave sir.” she said with her mouth in my direction. Before I could say anything, Sarah jumped in.
     “Why? He’s here with me.” she said.
     “I’m sorry but I am told what to do and this gentleman is requested to leave.”
     “By who?” Sarah asked looking at the waitress annoyed.
     “Those two gentlemen over there.” she said pointing at two white men who looked like they were in their late fifties. “They wish this gentleman to leave, immediately.” she added.
Sarah looked at them one-by-one and the eyes of fury met. Her eyes met theirs and she returned her eyes to the waitress and to me.
     “Let’s see our way out Ced.” she stood up and pushed the tables off her way making her steps to the two men who commented on us.
     “Next time you have something to say, get your arse up and tell us to our faces. Stop sending people to speak your dirty heart.” she said placing both her two hands on their table.
     “You are lucky we did not call police.” One man with bald head said. “You know he’s not allowed in here or let alone in my sight.” He added and the other one continued. “Take your Monkey back to the zoo before I lose my appetite.”
Sarah nodded in annoyance after what the man said and the bald headed man commented again. “I think we need to call police to arrest this bitch and her kaffir.” he said and both man exchanged looks and they looked at me “You are here still, run!” he shouted.
     “You are such bunch of cowards. You disgust me! Both of you.” she said fuming in anger.
     “I see a ring on your finger, is he your husband?” one man asked and they exchanged looks again and burst out with a laugh.
     “You are such a disrespectful woman. A woman must respect a man not this nonsense you are doing now. Was it his idea to have you disrespect us?” said the man after a laugh. Before Sarah could speak, the bald headed man added, “I do not listen to a woman. A woman’s job is to give me children, clean my house and take care of me, nothing more. A woman has no say. I don’t know what you are even doing here when you could be doing laundry or washing your husband’s pet. Voetsek! Leave my sight.” he shouted.
Sarah looked at them for few seconds in anger and she ran out of the room holding her mouth. I was left alone with two devil’s cousins. The mood in the restaurant changed drastically. All eyes were on me. Even chairs and table were gawking at me. How I wished earth could open its mouth and swallow me.
     I looked at them and my eyes slid to the door and I saw Sarah getting in the car and she banged the door. I turned my eyes to the men and they had angry faces, with their eyes burning in anger and hatred.
     “I’m sorry Sir for being here and for disturbing your peace. I never wanted to be here. It was against my will.” I said with my body shaking and my voice cutting.
     “You damn Kaffir won’t leave our sight. Go! Voetsek!” the man shouted.
I ran to the egress with chairs tripping me and I made my way to the car and Sarah had already turned on the engine and she hit the accelerator harder.
   I FELT aloofness in the car and she was too focused on the road. Her eyes were glued on the road with a car moving very fast. After minutes of silence in the car, I broke it when I had something to say.
     “My guts were right. I told you we should not go in there.” I said.
     “Do you wish to walk?” she asked with her eyes still focused on the road.
     “No...”
     “Then shut up!”
  Sarah and I drove for the next minutes in silence. People always told me in life we make choices, but I don’t think that’s the honest truth. We don’t make choices, but we simply choose a choice. Same as destiny. Destiny is not for a human to make, but a man to choose. Destiny begins with life and ends with death. Your life is surrounded by wealth and poverty. Your life is surrounded by positivity and negativity. Your life is surrounded by health and sickness. The universe gives you two options to choose from, either good or bad. But whatever option you take, that’s your destiny. It was meant to happen that way. Have you asked yourself why most hard working people do not make it successful? The answer is simply because their choices does not align with their destiny. So these people, no matter what they do, if they are poor, they will remain poor still.