Take It Slow

ー 94

EZRA

I drove restlessly on my way to Bulacan. I was so concerned about Clio and her condition. For the past few months, she has not been herself. I always go to UST whenever I have time to stare at her from afar, and of course, to know how has she been doing.

I had not messaged her as I knew how busy she was with school. Also, with her personal problems. I did not want to add up to her problems, but I felt like I just did.

I went the other day to Ateneo's Loyola School. I came to see how I still felt about the priesthood, and it happened that I was close to the priests in that school, so I spoke about my doubts with them, and the next thing I knew, I was wearing the cassock already. 

For almost half an hour, I remembered reflecting at myself in the mirror, contemplating my choices and everything that had happened. Unfortunately, it did not give me the answers I needed to clear my mind. I was disappointed and disheartened, but the situation escalatedafter discovering that Clio saw me wearing that dress. 

But one thing was for sure, I missed Clio.

I would not deny that as it was undeniably true. I missed the days when she would suddenly appear at Ateneo unannounced, then we'd eat at Gonzaga together, then I'd offer to give her a ride to UST. I also missed whenever I was so stressed with academics, she would force me to come to see her so she can cheer me up. 

Those were the days when she insisted to let her woo me. I had lost count on how many times I stopped her from doing it. She would always change the topic whenever I brought it up so I have not had a chance to persuade her to not continue it.

She was there whenever I needed someone to talk to. She was there to talk some sense with me whenever I down myself. She was there to remind me of my worth and purpose, however, all I did was to hurt her.

After realizing what I had done to broke her heart, made me hate myself even more. She had lost two-person in her family and I was there, adding up to her burdens.

For the first time in ten years, I was not expecting that I would feel this way to a girl...again.

I admit that I was horrified with the idea of myself falling in love and being left alone afterward.  I did not want to experience it again. I hate having to go through it again. 

Something inside kept on forcing me to man up and have the courage to confess my feelings, but I, myself, did not even know what I truly feel. I was utterly confused.

I realized that I was too absorbed with my thoughts that I did not even notice someone was calling me.

"Ezra?" said Chanel.

"Hello? Have you heard about what happened to Clio?" I asked.

"Yes and I'm with her right now. I'm in Bulacan. Where are you?"

"On my way."

"Really? Okay. Come fast. Clio is not talking to anyone, so I called you. I thought that you will make her speak,"

"She does not even talk to me, Chanel," I said in frustration.

"I'm sure she will if you will go here."

"Hope so,"

"She's not eating, also. The last time she ate was in the morning pa."