Alone

Begin and End

Being alone, I'd have to say, is probably what I consider to be my biggest fear. Not the kind of alone where your 'alone' in your room with no body home, or even alone in a bathroom at the mall. There's people there. And most of the time someone knows where you're at.

That's not the type of alone that I fear.

The kind of alone I'm scared of is the kind where you're lost in the woods, and no one knows your even there. They think you're at home or at a party or spending the night at your friends place. The kind of alone where no one that cares about you or that's willing to help you knows where you're at. I had a very small friend group, making this fear so much more real for me. I now knew I had chosen my friends wrong.

I wondered, bitterly, as I lay mangled on the forest floor, looking at the stars through the branches, why had they left me.

Bleeding.

Beaten.

Alone.

I couldn't for the life of me understand what I had done so wrong to deserve this from the people I thought cared for me like I had did them. Was it all a sham? Just to lead to this? Was I just someone they considered a toy?
     I remember how today started and I never would've expected it to end like this.

     My friends and I had started out the day taking our university courses, and once our classes had ended we all went out to the college towns biggest meet up spot in the forest. There was a camping ground nearby, one not very many knew about as they were only there to party and never actually go hiking or explore beyond the parties they hosted. And we had planned to spend the weekend there camping.

     On the drive over we had all gotten into a major argument, and I think that's why I ended up alone.

     It was a stupid petty argument really, nothing any of us should have really gotten that upset about but me and one of the other girls, Erica, really had never seen eye to eye. Small bickering here and there and always some petty comments, mostly from her side.

     She hadn't ever really liked me, and seemed happiest on the days I didn't hang out with everyone. I noticed that with my arrival to the group she completely either ignored me or antagonized me right from the beginning. I had never understood why, and now I never will. Maybe I was a bad friend, or maybe they didn't consider me as close of a friend that I considered them, but at either rate, during the hike to the camping ground, Erica lost her composure and punched me. I don't know if this was some sort of signal or if this was planned by all of them but they all joined in as if possessed, punching and shoving me until I fell down the steep overhang that was right next to the trail.

     I don't remember the pain. In fact, I can't feel most of my body at all. But I knew no one was coming for me. It had been hours. We arrived in the forest at around 7 in the afternoon, and the moon had been high in the sky for a while. That was more than enough time to call the police and help me had it been a mistake or misunderstanding.

     My chest was moving in opposite directions, I couldn't hear, and within about an hour of being alone I had started having anxiety attacks worsening my attempts to breath. My legs and arms were broken, in different areas from the decent down the overhang, and the same could be said for my ribs as I had slammed into multiple trees and rocks on the way down.

     I couldn't breath let alone move. I couldn't even scream for help. So I lay there. Hoping to god that I died before I was found by an animal.