To This Day

Close enough

Meredith

And just like that it began; I had already been tracking my cycle, so we waited until I was ovulating. Or rather, the first day of my ovulation.

Sperm could live for a solid five days, and I'd be fertile for about the same amount of time, which meant the first day of my ovulation would be the best option for conceiving.

"It's a go" I say, smiling as I show Addie the ovulation test I'd just peed on; it had a big 'ole smiley face, and I was hoping that with any luck, I'd get a baby out of this.

There was absolutely no part of me that desired this to happen again. It made scared just thinking about giving birth.

"I'll get Derek and Mark" Addie smiles encouragingly, kissing my cheek before leaving our bedroom to head downstairs. And for the millionth time since we'd gotten married, I saw her turn on her heels and go down the hallway, admiring just how fucking beautiful she was. Her eyes sparkled as she excitedly bound down the hallway, my eyes following her every move and my mouth forming a smile.

Surprisingly enough, I was nervous. My palms were sweating, my stomach was in a knot, and I felt like I was going on a first date or something.

I wasn't sure what worried me more; this not working the first time, or this actually working the first time. On one hand, having it work the first time would be exciting, but on the other hand, if it didn't work, I'd have more time to mentally prepare.

Another baby was all I wanted, but I was still slightly worried about how Riley and Sutton would react to another baby; Sutton especially, because she is constantly attached to Mark's hip, 24/7.

She cries when they drop her off, her little fingers clutching Mark's coat as tightly as they could. Despite the fact that she was no more biologically his than any stranger on the side of the road, she loved him more than anybody else.

And really, I couldn't blame her. Four parents is a lot of parents to choose a favourite from (Addison was always Riley's favourite without a doubt).

The sound of the door broke me out of my own thoughts, and when I looked up, Addie was back. She'd been gone for two seconds, or so it felt like it.

"Mark and Derek are downstairs in the spare bedroom with the door closed and locked so they can collect the...specimen" Addie says, closing the door behind her. "When they're done, they'll leave it at the door after knocking three times, and I'll go get it and we'll begin the process I guess" she shrugs nonchalantly; she knew what we needed to do, and I had the utmost confidence in her.

"Specimen" I snort, Addie's use of language lightening my nerves a little bit. "That's one way to put it" the idea of Mark's swimmers in my vagina was enough to make me physically sick, but then I remembered that if it wasn't Mark, it would be a stranger.

And Mark was so much better than a stranger. He might be Mark, but he's a good Dad, and I never once doubted that.

She rolls her eyes, sitting down on the edge of the bed next to me to hold my hand. "Are you nervous?" She asks, and I start to wonder if she's got a window into my brain.

She always, always knew how I felt, even if I didn't tell her.

"Little bit" I confess, letting out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding in. "I don't know, something about a syringe going up my vagina is a little unsettling" her eyes softened, and it immediately made me feel closer to any sense of normalcy we had.